Regrets

"Annie."

Jonas' voice called out the moment the door opened. I had actually been standing in front of the familiar door for minutes before I knocked.

My breath caught as I stared at the sight before me, frozen. Four years and somehow nothing had prepared me for this day.

The last time I saw Jonas, he was twenty-one. Now at twenty-five, four years shouldn't have made such a difference. Yet somehow, they had.

"Annie." His voice came again, roughly this time, as though he hadn't slept properly in days. Maybe he hadn't.

I swallowed hard. "Jonas."

"You came."

The words were simple. Yet something about them sent other meanings to my head. Of course I came. Father was gone. How could I not? Before I could answer, though, another voice drifted through the hallway.

"Who is it?"

My pulse immediately spiked. The footsteps that followed nearly stopped my heart. A second later, Julian appeared. He stopped so abruptly that I thought he might have run into the wall. For several seconds, he simply stared.

"Well," he finally said. His voice sounded strangely breathless. "This is a surprise."

There he was. The same sarcastic tone and infuriating confidence. But something had changed in him too.

He looked older, and on the dull side; the easy smile I remembered was nowhere to be found. His blue eyes remained fixed on me. Almost as if he couldn't look away.

Then another set of footsteps approached. I didn't need anyone to tell me who it was. It had to be Jakob, the quietest of the three. He was the one who always seemed to know what everyone else was thinking.

He stepped into sight, stopped and stared just like the others. I could read multiple expressions from his face, but I couldn't tell what exactly he was feeling. Whatever they were disappeared so quickly that I wondered if I'd imagined it.

"Hi, Annie."

His voice was soft and somehow, hearing it after four years hit differently than it should have. I forced a smile.

"Hi."

The silence returned. Goddess. This was awkward. The three men who had once filled every corner of my life now stood before me like strangers with familiar faces.

Fortunately, Jonas seemed to realise that if nobody spoke soon, we would all die of awkwardness. He stepped aside. "Come in."

I nodded gratefully and crossed the threshold. The familiar scent of the pack house immediately surrounded me: wood, coffee, pine and home.

The foyer looked the same. The wooden staircase, the family portraits and the antique clock hanging on the wall were all intact. Nothing had changed. Except the people, maybe.

My gaze landed on a photograph sitting atop a nearby table. Father smiled back at me, sending a wave of grief throughout my body. Jonas noticed where I was looking as I swallowed the lump forming in my throat.

"How?" The single word barely escaped my lips. For a moment, nobody answered. Then he spoke quietly.

"Heart attack."

I blinked. "What?"

"He collapsed in his office."

I stared at him, unable to process what I was hearing. Heart attack? Father? No. It didn't make sense to me. The man had looked invincible. He had always looked invincible. Alphas don't die easily.

"He wasn't sick," Jakob added.

"But... He's an alpha!"

The protest sounded weak even to my own ears. Julian released a humourless laugh.

"Apparently, his heart disagreed."

Nobody smiled or laughed. The joke died the moment it was spoken. I looked away before anyone could see the tears gathering in my eyes. I was too late. For four years, I had stayed away, and now he was gone. I didn't even get a chance to see him one last time. The guilt was unbearable. A hand suddenly appeared in my line of sight. Jakob was offering a glass of water. I accepted it with trembling fingers.

"Thanks."

He nodded without saying a word. It was exactly the way I remembered him.

....

"How long are you staying?" Jonas asked over dinner.

I shrugged. "I haven't decided yet."

It was a lie. I'd already decided, and the plan was simple. I was going to stay for the funeral and then leave.

Julian leaned back in his chair. "Alpha Felix didn't come with you?"

There it was. The question I'd been expecting, and as I envisioned, the table went quiet. I focused on my plate. "No."

One word and nothing more. I could feel three pairs of eyes watching me.

"Everything okay?" Jakob asked gently after a few seconds. The concern in his voice almost broke me.

I forced a smile. "I'm just tired."

The lie tasted bitter. Nobody looked convinced. Especially not Jonas. His gaze lingered on me before he finally nodded.

"Right."

The subject moved, or at least it appeared to. I had to kill it permanently, so I let curiosity get the better of me.

"Where's Elise?" I threw the question to no one in particular.

The effect was immediate. Julian stopped moving, Jakob lowered his fork, and Jonas simply looked away. It was interesting to watch, very interesting.

"What happened?" I pressed on despite the silence.

Then Julian finally spoke. "She isn't here."

That wasn't an answer, but judging by their expressions, it was all I was getting tonight. I looked at them, and they looked at me as an unspoken agreement settled over the table.

I wouldn't ask about Elise. They wouldn't ask about Felix. At least not tonight.

***

Later that evening, I found myself standing outside Father's office.

I hadn't intended to come here, but my feet carried me inside before I could resist. The room was dark when I stepped inside. I reached for the light switch and the office illuminated instantly.

My composure shattered at the sight of his desk. His books, his reading glasses, everything was exactly where he usually kept it. As though he might walk through the door at any moment.

A painful sound escaped me. It was a half laugh and a half sob. I crossed the room slowly to brush my fingers against a framed photograph.

Father smiled back at me. Beside him stood a younger version of myself. I remembered that day and how proud he'd looked. It was the day I changed for the first time. I was a late bloomer, and I got my wolf a year later.

The memory broke something inside me as I went on. I sank into his chair, the tears pouring out before I could stop them.

I cried my heart out, not just for Father but for the four years I couldn't get back from Felix. The tears wouldn't stop, and I wasn't sure how long I sat there.

I quickly wiped my face when I heard a knock on the door.

"Come in." I hurriedly said.

The door opened. Jonas stepped inside. His gaze immediately found mine. I knew he noticed the red eyes and the tear stains. But he didn't mention them or ask questions. For that, I loved him a little.

"I was looking for you." he broke the silence.

I cleared my throat. "Sorry."

"No need." His voice softened. "I thought I'd show you your room."

I nodded. "Okay."

Then I stood up and followed his lead. The walk upstairs was quiet, and when we reached the end of the hallway, Jonas pushed open a familiar door.

I stepped inside and froze. It was my old room with absolutely nothing changed. Even the blanket draped across the bed looked exactly as I remembered.

Slowly, I turned around. "You kept it exactly the same."

Jonas simply stood there with one hand resting against the doorframe.

"Well, we thought you'd come back and…”

He didn't finish his sentence before I ran into him for a tight hug. I figured it was long overdue. I needed one. He probably did too.