Chapter 3. After we kissed

Ciera’s pov

For a moment I would swore that I saw anger and pain in his blue eyes but in an instant, he was his usual self. ‘’It meant nothing, no need to tell him about that’’ he ordered me with his alpha tone. He put his hand at his messy black hair and I knew that’s a thing he does when he feels uncomfortable. Even when he masks his emotions, he is very good at that, I know him from when we were kids, he has some tellings.  Unfortunately, not many. 

I just said ‘’ok’’ and left with my head down. Tears were threating and I had to be in my room in order to cry myself out. Alpha tones had no use to me. I don’t know why maybe because I will turn to be wolfless. I just agreed not to tell Sebastian because I know how fragile is their relationship right now. I would not be the reason that they are not speaking to each other. 

You would ask me why I think I may be wolfless. The thing is I smell different than the other wolves to be. I am probably an abomination as the wolf doctor told the alpha when I came in. They think that one of my parents was human. The thing is that there is no quarantine for children coming from a combination like that, that they will have a wolf. 

The odds are against me because the chances are lower for children whose wolf parent is low-ranked. So, if one of my parents was a gamma and my mother was a human I have a 20% chance of having a wolf. The most likely story, they told me, is that one of my parents was a rogue and the other one was human. 

So probably I’ll say goodbye to the pack life. If I am indeed wolfless, I’ll have to leave the pack and go leave as any other ordinary human except if I find a mate. But I have three more months to worry about that. 

Maybe it would even be better for me. I have nothing keeping me here or making me happy except from Sebastian. I have no other friends, I’ll be a servant and Rachel will order me around even more, if that’s even possibly. Maybe someday she will even be succeeded at killing me. Only the thought of being tormented by her for my entire life it’s unbearable. 

Going back to my room, a realization hits me. I kissed Pablo or should I say he kissed me and i returned the kiss? Does it make a difference?   What does it mean? For me it was extraordinary. A simple kiss unfolded so many emotions that i had tried so many times to deny. For him it was nothing, just another meaningful kiss.

But where does this leave us? It won't change a thing between me and Pablo. He is not into me and I am not going to be just another girl that he fucked. The real question is how it affects me and Sebastian.

Can i still be with him when i kissed his brother and I liked it? I never felt that way kissing him. I tried to see him different but he is my best friend and it's better for us to stay just friends. He is one of my favorite people, my favorite person, but i just not have romantic feelings about him. I can’t keep leading him on, I have to break up with him. 

Ok things are pretty clear I have to break up with Sebastian but keep my kiss to Pablo a secret. I want to tell him, I know that neither the break up nor the kiss would destroy our strong friendship but I know for sure that it will destroy the relationship that he has with his brother. Things are pretty fragile with this two for a year and I don’t want to damage their relationship beyond repair. 

Ok my thoughts are all over the place, I need to relax and sleep but I can’t. I can’t stop my self from crying. I am just hugging my pillow like it would give me some kind of reinsurance. I feel like I betrayed my best friend and I am into a guy that I don’t have a chance with. 

Enough with all that I have to stop crying and sleep. Tomorrow I’ll have to face Sebastian and broke up with him, so tomorrow will be an even worse day than today.