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CHAPTER FOUR

last update Last Updated: 2022-07-03 15:50:24

MERRYGOLD

He walked about past my front door more than I could count with both my fingers and toes. My room was after all on the other side of the kitchen, I was used to that. Sometimes, I assumed it was to alert me that I should be awake.. after four am, I was always awake. Who could sleep knowing that he was somewhere out there just waiting for me to be vulnerable. Why was he awake at four am? He was always roaming around dropping utensils and this and that anything, stomping his feet whenever he reached past my door. I knew it was him, my heart beat picked up. For a while, he ignored me at which I was glad but still left me anxious. Why would he befriend Thomas but ignore me? Not that I had wanted any sort of friendship or anything with someone as vile, rude and malevolent as him. Looks were truly deceiving beneath it all, beneath that intimidating facade, I assumed he had horns waiting to manifest.

"I'm cutting off payments." He said nonchalantly lazing back in his father's seat. Biting his lip, he looked at me from head to toe, unsaid judgement was clear.

Shocked and in panicked, I had to question. I had a right to question.

"You can not do that! That is everything to them, as little as it may seem. It is all they look forward to."

He stared at me with amusement.

"Oh, I apologize if I gave you the impression that your opinion mattered."

Embarrassed, I remained in my stance. "You're evil..!" Not stopping there, I continued. "I always knew you were evil!"

"It may not be common knowledge but I hope you're aware that negroes do not receive any sort of payment. It is against the law. I understand my parents have been very kind but—"

"It's not even much.." I added with desperation. "Compared to the profitts, paying them this pity money is close to no bargain."

"See this is why it was an unpleasant mistake to even have you here... but no, my parents just had to." Austin whined.

"They're good people..." unlike you, I poised.

"I'm a good person, you're simply hard headed."

Gulping down a feeling of hysteria, I had not even said that out loud. Suppose my face said it all for it, exposed me. I could never pretend, it was not within me. My facial expressions would never cooperate even if I wanted to. Sidling, I sighed looking at anything else to set my eyes on. I felt uncomfortable being with him in such a closed space, would anyone hear me screaming? If anything occurred. The study had no windows, where would I escape if I needed to...

"Respect me Merrigold, I have no wishes to have any future conundrums with you." With a bored expression he made eye contact. "I reckon you would not want that either?"

I only nodded looking away from his weird eyes. They reminded me of a venomous snake, a chameleon... they changed with every encounter we had. His eyes intimidated me cold, unsympathetic, cunning, emotionless and— distant.

"Merrigold?" He said cooly. I had come to realize he loved saying my name in a distinct manner that scared me.

"Yes—" it was difficult for these words to fall off my lips. It physically hurt but I did not want to spend more time bickering with him. With a forced smile, I tried again. "Yes, Master Austin?"

This made him smirk.

"I wanted to apologize.."

Furrowing my eyes, I seemed almost too surprised. "F-for what?"

"I often implied that you were a busybody but Thomas assured me that you had never been touched." I felt anger boil within me, how could Thomas dish out my most intimate and private confessions. Was this why this man had decided to befriend Thomas? I was not sure if I should feel embarrassed or angry.

"What's it to you? With all due respect... that is very inappropriate. To discuss me in my absence about.." I shied away from disclosing anything more.

"Merrigold, you never seize to amaze me." He smirked standing up towering over me. Not saying anymore, he walked away. Was this it? I yearned to have him speak to me a bit more. I was glad that he did not in the past but now—

Wait was this his game? Did he plan on leaving me curious that way I would run after him? No, I would not. I still did not take any liking towards his boisterous attitude. My stomach churned, not knowing exactly what he thought of me. Was he perhaps more disgusted than lusting? I could never tell... he was closed off. He let out no emotion, he chuckled here and there but that was just about it.

The rest of the day, I visited my brother and his wife. Played with my nieces at the plantation. Somehow managed to create a play-doll out of grassroots something I had always done as a child. I gave it to my two year old niece. She was happy and occupied with it before she moved onto her next interest. My brother and I had always had a strong relationship, his wife was just as nice.

They worked at the field, I looked after my niece considering I had the privilege of not doing so. As I accompanied my niece around the yard, I felt a pair of eyes watching me. Assuming Thomas was hiding somewhere waiting to startle me. It was something we had always done as kids and we never grew out of it. I waited for him to startle me but he never did, I continued to pretend to be oblivious. Deciding that Thomas was being a bore with this game, I turned back. To my surprise, Austin stood there with my niece in his arms.

I felt panicked, I did not like this at all. She was oblivious, he seemed like a predator. Wherever I was, he was there in the background waiting for God knows what? It scared me.

"If I knew any better, I would have assumed she was yours but then I remembered, you're still waiting for a man's touch." Austin said putting my niece down. She immediately ran to me, afraid of this big tall white man who gave me the jitters as well. His words made me shiver with fear, he seemed to enjoy the thought of taunting me for being a virgin. I was not in the wrong.

"I assumed you mentioned having some errands..." I finally spoke.

"I did but I had to come over and meet this cutie!"

"Oh.."

"You love her?" He questioned.

"Ofcourse, I'd do anything for her. She is such a sweetheart." I immediately regretted saying anything when I realized his intention.

"Hopefully nothing happens to her. Imagine if she had to be sold far far far far away... even worse as a sex slave. Such a pretty young one, that would be quite wistful in my opinion."

"What are you implying?"

"Oh nothing you have to worry about Merrigold. You have everything, everything enough to protect your loved one's from any harm."

A shiver ran down my spine.

"Well, it was nice meeting her. I will be off, make sure you stock count with Grover for the week."

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    Hiding behind Merrigold. Hiding behind 'I love Merri.' Continuously chasing Merri to redeem him from his guilt, sins and the feelings he was developing that made him very uncomfortable. His anger was once rooted on Merri, why had she left? This was all her fault. She had led him into falling victim of this horrid unjust demonic behavior. He did not know whom he was anymore. Merrigold had been the only person in his whole entire life who shielded him from judgement. No one would ever think differently of him with Merrigold by his side as his lover. No one would ever assume he took a liking to other men. It was an unpleasant feeling that he was thoroughly ashamed of. Thomas noted, he had not always felt this way; he had not always been this way. He had never been one to look at another man twice. Never! It made him wonder were his feelings for Merrigold ever real? They were, he thought. He loved Merri not as a friend or a sister but as a lover. He enjoyed all their intimates moments tog

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    Bad conscience over responsibility.Regardless of who was right or wrong, she felt shameful for her actions. Black people were already named barbaric uncultured swines. Her anger had pushed forth a uncaring attitude for consequences or self dignity. For someone who knew how to always hold it in when being insulted and abashed; she had clearly derailed off the road. Her whole life Merri had been called names, made to feel inferior, lesser than anything and anyone else. She was well aware, having mastered the art of ignorance to the hurtful slurs. Ignorance to the hypocritical attitudes of those who claimed to be above her. This was not new to her, it honestly wasn't but when Stella did—Merri could not hold herself.She was angry. This was the woman who had caused so much harm and refused to acknowledge any of her devious actions. This was the woman who had turnt Austin into a horrid cynical unlikable bastard. Stella has triggered Austin into hurting Merri. For many reasons, she blamed

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    "Please stay away from me!" Thomas the young black man who had approached him."I've done nothing wrong." Hasani added still a little flummoxed by Thomas's cold shoulder."If you're not here to work away from me, you're literally the most disgusting person I've ever came across in my whole entire life. Merri was disgusting for being with the white man but you definitely took the trophy away from her." Thomas was quick to click his tongue and he sorted the hay.Hasani felt embarrassed but nonetheless shrugged his shoulders. "Your insults do not phase me.""Will a beating do the trick?""Why are you so violent and bitter?" Hasani questioned, a little addled by the situation.Thomas rolled his eyes at him. "Out of my sight. The sight of you revolts my whole body. I will never forgive you for what you did.""What I did?"Looking around Hasani noted it was just them and the horses. Walking towards Thomas he backed him against the wooden barn wall; one hand gripping his neck the other strok

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