Mom, I Won’t Be a Burden Anymore

It felt like my body was on fire. The heat crawled through my veins, and I couldn’t stop the soft groans slipping out of my throat.

Still, I kept whispering to myself.

“At least Mom bought me the expensive kind of medicine.”

The doctor had given her two options. They worked about the same, but one cost a lot more and had fewer side effects.

She didn’t hesitate for a second.

Even after we ran out of money, even after she chose to have a child with a stranger just to afford my treatment, she never once switched my medication.

She always told me, “I can handle anything. I just want you to suffer a little less.”

The burning slowly twisted into something sharper, something that drilled straight through me.

I gasped, tears slipping down one by one.

It would be nice if Mom were here.

The thought barely formed before I pushed it away.

She was already exhausted taking care of Lucas. I couldn’t keep being a burden.

So I copied what she used to do. I patted my own back gently, pretending it was her soothing me.

Then my heart skipped.

What if she came back and saw me like this? She’d cry again and rush me to the hospital.

I didn’t want her to be tired. I didn’t want her to spend more money. I didn’t want her to cry because of me anymore.

I forced myself up, stretched on my toes to open the door, and slowly made my way up to the rooftop.

I found a corner among the clutter and hid there.

Darkness crept in at the edges of my vision.

My last thought was a question.

This time, would the little pill warriors finally defeat the monster inside me?

I don’t know how long passed before I woke up.

I was back in my bedroom.

On the table sat the little bunny plush Mom had been knitting for me.

I pouted. If it weren’t for Lucas causing trouble, insisting she make him an Ultraman toy too and messing up her stitches, she would’ve finished it yesterday.

Mom had gotten really mad at him.

“You can cry all you want. I’m only making a doll for Chloe.

“And stop crying already. I told you, Chloe just took her medicine. She needs to rest. Don’t wake her up.”

Lucas only cried louder.

Mom dragged him out of the room.

Soon, raised voices came from outside.

Dad’s voice cut through first.

“Lucas is your child too. Why are you playing favorites?

“What’s the point of making Chloe more dolls? She won’t even live another year.”

Mom’s voice dropped, sharp and urgent.

“Keep your voice down. What if Chloe hears you?

“I don’t want her last days to be unhappy.”

A while later, Mom pushed my door open.

Seeing me “asleep,” she finally let out a breath of relief.

She leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead before leaving.

Yesterday, I had secretly been proud of how good I was at pretending to sleep.

Otherwise, if she knew I’d heard everything, she would’ve cried again and tried to explain.

But Mom, as long as you’re happy, I am happy too.

I reached out to touch the bunny plush.

My hand passed right through it.

How…?

Panic rose in my chest.

Then I heard the sound of a key turning in the door.

Mom and Dad were back.