Chapter 1. Anaconda

For Susan Johnson, who fought stage four pancreatic cancer. Susan was one of my readers who I was lucky enough to meet. Susan was a kind, brave, and beautiful woman that was taken too soon. God bless her and her family.

December 18^th, 2019

***

Like predator and prey, Jax stared me down. It was like Satan possessed him.

I cringed away from him. I knew what came next. “Please, Jax,” I begged him. I stumbled back. “Don't–”

Jax’s fist collided with my jaw.

Pain shot through my mouth. My body slammed into the door, and I crumbled to the floor. Blood filled my mouth, and tears rolled down my cheeks.

“I bet you're fucking sorry now, aren't you?!” Jax shouted. He hovered over me. His face inched closer to mine.

“I-I'm s-s-sorry, Jax,” I stuttered and sobbed. My hand cupped the side of my face. I wasn’t sure why I apologized. I didn't do anything wrong.

We had gone to the grocery store, and my supervisor Martin saw me. Martin smiled at me and asked me how my week vacation was going. Jax was under the impression that something was going on between Martin and me, which wasn’t true. Another guy couldn’t so much as look at me without making Jax think I was messing around.

Moving to Los Angeles was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I was raised in Montana, on a ranch. My Aunt Helen brought me up. Helen couldn't have kids. Her husband, Arnold, died when I was seventeen. A bull trampled him.

Arnold was a good man. When he found out that Helen couldn't have kids, he didn't leave. I was eleven months old when I landed on their doorstep. I was an only child.

Jax had spit on my face and stormed down the hallway of our small apartment. Jax slammed our bedroom door shut.

I was in too much pain to get off the floor. I stayed there and cried. A week ago, Jax had broken four of my ribs, and they hadn't healed all the way. Pain seared through my ribs. The entire room spun as I gasped for air.

I need to get up. My son can't see me like this–I thought to myself. I stood and stumbled my way to the bathroom.

My reflection was horrible. I was pale. I could see the bruises even beneath all of the makeup. My long hair was tangled and damp from blood and tears. I ran the faucet and grabbed a washcloth. I wiped my face, which was full of makeup to cover the old bruising. Both my eyes were black. My lips were swelled up twice their average size. My jaw had bruises on both sides.

Jax knocked on the bathroom door.

I gasped and dropped the towel. My eyebrows knitted together as I stared at the mascara covered washcloth.

“Dallas, come on, honey. Come to bed,” Jax said softly. “I'm sorry, okay?” This is what it was always like. Jax would be crazy one minute and sweet the next.

I sighed and opened the door. I smiled slightly at him and pecked him on the lips. “Do you mind if I shower first?” I asked politely.

“Sure, go ahead,” he said. Jax kissed me on the lips again.

“Thanks,” I said.

Jax nodded and turned around. He walked across the hall.

I closed the door. I knew I had to hurry, so I stripped down quickly. The rest of my body looked just as bad, if not worse than my face.

Usually, the hot water relaxed me, but my body was so bruised and sore that the water irritated my skin. I turned the water to a cooler temperature.

Once I finished, I got out, wrapped a towel around me, and walked across the hall.

Jax’s muffled snores filled the room. He had been up for four days straight doing meth with his buddies. I knew he was not waking up anytime soon. Quietly, I got dressed and got in bed beside him to make sure he was asleep.

For one hour, I listened to his heavy breathing and grunts as he tossed and turned. Jax was out cold, so I climbed out of bed and crawled to his side. His jeans were on the floor below him.

If I got caught, he would kill me. My heart hammered against my ribs. The last time I had tried to escape, Jax had beaten me so badly that I was in the hospital for two weeks. When I made it home from the hospital, he forced me to do meth. I hadn’t been forced to do it in the last two months. It was horrible. I was glad he wasn't forcing me to do it anymore.

Once I had the keys to my car and his wallet, I snuck out of the room. As much as I would have liked to take things with me, there was no way that I could.

Down the hall was my son's bedroom.

Lyle stirred when I grabbed him from his toddler bed. “Mommy?” Lyle murmured. He rubbed his eyes.

“Shh, baby. Don't say a word,” I whispered.

He nodded tiredly. I grabbed his blanket because I knew he would be lost without it.

I got out the front door and took off into a sprint. The hallway was dark and quiet. My ribs protested, but I didn’t slow.

I strapped Lyle in his car seat.

The car started. I breathed a sigh of relief and drove out of the parking lot. The clock on the dash read eleven o'clock. It was a sixteen-hour drive from California to Montana. Part of me wondered if my car would make it to Montana. My car was bound to die of natural causes at some point.

I stopped at one of the gas stations near the end of town to fill the gas tank with his debit card.

“Where are we going, Mommy?” Lyle asked.

“We are going for a long car ride,” I told him.

Lyle yawned. “What about daddy?”

“No,” I said sternly.

Lyle gave me a small smile. “We don't have to see him anymore?” Lyle asked.

“Never again,” I said. I walked into the gas station and carried Lyle.

Luckily, I had a pair of flip flops in my car. I was in such a hurry to get out of the apartment that I didn't even grab my shoes. I stopped in front of the ATM to check the balance.

Jax had five thousand dollars in his account, but I couldn't take it all. His card had a limit of two thousand dollars per day to be pulled from an ATM. I knew he didn't pull any off today. I pulled out two thousand and threw his card in the trash can beside the ATM.

I wanted to get out of Los Angeles as soon as possible. I was a nervous wreck. I let Lyle pick out a drink as I grabbed a coffee and some doughnuts. I was sure we would get hungry, and I wanted to stop as little as possible.

The cashier smiled at me and handed me my change. “Have a good night, ma’am,” he said.

“Oh, I will,” I said. I smiled back at the cashier. Once we were both strapped in, I pulled the car from the lot. I hope this piece of shit makes it to Montana.

A heavy weight lifted from my shoulders as the lights of Los Angeles, California, disappeared.

*** 

To my surprise, I managed to drive from eleven o'clock at night to nine o'clock in the morning. I only stopped once after Los Angeles. I made it to Utah and found a cheap motel with a vacancy. If I left the motel by one o'clock in the afternoon, that would give me three or four hours of sleep. I could make it the last six hours to Montana.

Lyle was fast asleep as I pulled him from my car.

My 2003 Toyota Camry that I had since my sophomore year of high school, drove with no problems. It had over two hundred and fifty thousand miles on it. I knew it couldn't possibly live much longer.

I wanted a new vehicle, but Jax would say I was trying to leave him. I met Jax a month after I got to Los Angeles. Jax was so persuasive. He begged me to go on a date, and unfortunately, I did.

I had gone out to Los Angeles to go to school and get away from home. I needed a sense of belonging. I finished college, and I was now a registered nurse. I wondered how I would explain my absence to the hospital. It wasn’t going to look good on my job history.

The carpet of the hotel room was stained, and the wallpaper was peeling. There was a musty smell, but it would do for a night. I put Lyle in bed beside me. Lyle stayed asleep, and I managed to drift off to sleep quickly.

 ***

The alarm blared on my phone, and my phone rang. Jax’s name flashed across the screen.

I made sure my location was off. Usually, I didn't leave it on. I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized it was off, but then I took the phone and threw it in the toilet.

I grabbed Lyle.

Lyle’s eyes fluttered open, and his gaze met mine.

“Hungry?” I asked.

Lyle nodded.

“We'll get McDonald's, okay?”

“Okay!”

Instead of taking off right away, I checked my oil. My car had needed more oil lately. I had put some oil in the other day, and it was still good.

“What about McDonald's?” Lyle Whined.

“We will, baby. The first one on the interstate,” I promised.

“Okay,” Lyle said and sighed.

We got on the interstate. Three exits up the road, we found a McDonalds. We didn't go in, just through the drive-through. I handed Lyle his happy meal.

Lyle smiled appreciatively. It was rare that I could ever take Lyle to do anything because of Jax. So, it felt amazing to see his beautiful little face light up.

Hopefully, Aunt Helen forgives me for not seeing her in almost five years. Not only had I not seen her, but a few months into dating Jax, I had moved in with him. After I moved in, he became abusive and took my phone. Jax told me never to call Helen again. Jax gave me a different phone instead. I considered trying to call Helen, but Jax had kept track of all of my call records.

“Where are we going, Mommy? This is a long drive,” Lyle muttered.

“I'm sorry, baby. I know it is, but it’s only a couple more hours. You get to meet your Aunt Helen. We're going to a farm it has a bunch of animals,” I told him.

“Wow, really?” Lyle asked.

“Yeah,” I said. I tried to keep my voice excited.

Lyle had seen Jax hit me. Lyle knew what went on. Jax had nearly hit Lyle several times, but I always managed to spin Jax's anger toward me. Lyle was just as happy to be out of there as I was.

***

I forgot how beautiful the sky in Montana was, and when it came into view, tears filled my eyes. I was finally home, and it felt so damn good.

Anaconda was the town I grew up just outside of. There were nine thousand people here, but many local ranches around the outskirts. The sight of the mountains took my breath away. The sun drifted closer to the mountains as it began to set. It would be dusk by eight o'clock.

“Where are we, Mommy?” Lyle asked.

“We're in Anaconda, Montana. This is where I grew up,” I told him.

“Wow, pretty,” Lyle said and beamed. Lyle’s nose was almost pressed to the window as he stared at the mountains.

I smiled at how excited he sounded. Lyle had never been anywhere but Los Angeles, California.

The town didn't look any different. The old buildings lined the streets. People walked up and down the sidewalks. I could have used a cup of coffee from Mama T's Diner, but I wanted to get to Helen's, so I passed right through town.

It stunned me to see the life of the little town. I used to love it here. There was so much to love about Anaconda–the food, the beautiful mountains, the unbelievable land.

Old Fred stood outside of the feed store. Fred had on his overalls and loaded feed in the bed of his 1968 Chevy.

“Wow, that damn truck still runs,” I said and chuckled.

Helen lived out on Foster Creek Road, which was at least fifteen miles out of town. It was July second. The weather out here was comfortable. The two front windows were down.

The smell of fresh-cut grass, the mountains, and animals made me grin. Gravel crunched beneath my tires, and dust filled the air. It was different here than it was in the city.

Helen's driveway was long, but you could see her big cabin, the barn, and a couple of sheds from the road.

The barn was red and two stories tall, where the horses had stalls. She had a big red garage between the house and barn. It had every tool you could think of inside of it. Helen’s cabin was large. It had a living room, dining room, kitchen, mudroom, and guest bathroom on the main level. It had a wraparound porch with a large patio table with chairs, a swing, and some old wooden rocking chairs.

The upstairs had four bedrooms. Two of them were big with bathrooms. The other two were medium size with no bathroom.

It didn't look as if much had changed. I killed the car. I got out and looked around. I pulled Lyle out of the vehicle. I held him because he still had no shoes on. The wind blew my hair in different directions, and I brushed it back out of my face. A pair of sunglasses covered my bruised, hazel eyes.

Four horses ran around the field. One of them looked like my horse, Bullet, but I had been gone so long I couldn't be sure. Bullet was a black horse. I used to jump him in competitions and ride him just for fun. Bullet was a Holstein. Sometimes I would barrel race with Helen's Thoroughbred horse Duke. Duke was mostly brown but with some white between his eyes and on his legs.

“Oh my god.” A high-pitched voice broke the silence.

I turned around to come face to face with Helen.

“Dallas?” Helen asked in shock. Helen’s brown hair had a few highlights of silver. Her forehead creased.

“Hi, Aunt Helen,” I said. I tried to smile, but a sharp pain shot through my jaw. When I left California, I left behind everything. I had no makeup on.

Helen looked over my face with worry in her eyes.

I took my sunglasses off my face.

“Oh god,” Helen murmured and swallowed hard.

I had a lot of explaining to do. I looked at Lyle.

Lyle smiled and waved at Helen.

Helen stared at Lyle in shock.