Chapter 4 - Jamal

“Dad, we still can stop all of this.  You don’t have to give me the title yet.  We’ve got another six months.  Just finish out your term as best as you can.  I’ll be here to help,” Finnegan says as I work on his tie for him.  As calm, organized, and bright as my son is, tying a tie has always been a bit beyond him. 

“Son, we’ve talked about this.  Your mother and I are done with our leadership roles.  With Ba’s death…” I have to stop speaking, the words choking me up.  Tears form in my eyes, obscuring my vision.

“Dad.”  Finnegan pulls me into his arms.  “I know that it’s hard for you.  I’m not trying to force anything on you,” he whispers into my ear as he helps me hold myself together.  “I just don’t want your reign as an alpha to end in a way that you regret.”

I nod into his shoulder, sniffing as I pull myself away from his embrace.  I had told myself that I wouldn’t let my depression over the loss of Gregory get in the way of how special this day is.  Finnegan deserves that.  

We all do.

Using the thumb and forefinger of one of my hands to wipe away the tears from my eyes, I answer my son’s question.  “I’m finding no pleasure in being an alpha anymore, Finn.  It’s something that I HAVE to do, not something that I LOVE to do.  And I’ve always loved being an alpha to our people.  So for it to be a chore for me…it’s time, son.  It’s time for you to take over.”

“I’ll do anything to help you, Dad.  You know that.  And I’m proud to take on the role as Alpha.  I just want to make sure that this is what you want,” Finn says.

I smile at my son.  My first born and my heir.  “I want you to be happy.  And I want Mom and I to be able to heal.  In order to do that, I can’t have the responsibilities of the pack on my shoulders.  And I appreciate you taking it off of my shoulders.  You’re a good son.”

The pride that shines out of his eyes and the smile on his face is nearly enough to completely lift the pain in my heart.

My mate was supposed to be here.  Gregory should see our son take over as an alpha of the pack.  He should be here when Freya takes over as High Priestess on the day of the winter solstice in two weeks.

But I can rail about the injustice of everything all I want, it’s not going to change anything.  Gregory isn’t coming back.  Nothing I say or do will bring him back.  

What I need to do is focus on the good things that are happening right now.  And Finn taking over as alpha is one of those good things.

I finish tying his tie, fold down his collar, and hold up his jacket for him to put on.  Clapping him on the shoulder, I say, “Let’s go complete your initiation.”

—

Meredith stands at the dais of the amphitheater in front of a large crowd of wolves.  All of the alphas and many of the betas are present, just as they were for Rowen and Alexander’s initiations several months ago.  They were already here because we had to have a counsel meeting to vote for Finn to be able to take over as an alpha, so they just stayed.  

All of our friends and family are here and it is decorated beautifully for the celebration.  

Raising her hands high in the air, Meredith says “My kindred wolves!  We are here to welcome a new alpha to the Moon Goddess Pack!”

The wolves all around us burst into loud applause, howls, and stomping.  

Meredith allows it to go on for a little bit, seeming to understand that our family in particular really need this happiness with everything that has gone on for us and the wolf community recently.

Finally, Meredith raises her hand for them to calm down so she can continue.  “When Lycaon was born to our Mother, there were no other beings like him on earth.  Selene, in her great wisdom, knew that for him to be the only one of his kind on earth would not only bring him depression, but also ostracize him from the rest of the world.  She didn’t want that for her child.  So, she took two she-wolves and made them into Lycaon’s mates.  Lycaon and his two mates modeled were society after the dynamics of real wolves.  Alpha mates were made to lead the pack.  They were their teacher, their guide, and their parents, doing everything that they can to help them grow.  The beta mates are to help the alphas as advisors.  The delta and gamma mates are the defenders of the pack and are used to help with discipline and justice. 

“Today, we will have a brand new alpha take his position in our pack.  Finnegan Malik Agwagwill take up the mantle of alpha from his father tonight, joining the ranks of the new alphas, lunas, and betas that have recently taken their vows to protect and serve our pack.  I have watched this young male grow since the day that he was born.  I know the skills that he brings to our pack, as do many, if not all, of you.  I can’t wait to see the amazing potential that he has come to fruition.”

Meredith turns to me and Bella and I grab her hand in mine.  I have a small pang in my heart, knowing that Gregory’s hand should be in ours, but then I see my four pups looking at me, Finnegan standing next to us and ready to be an alpha, and I let the feeling wash over me instead of dwelling on it.

See?  Growth.

“Jamal Agwag and Bella Martin, along with your mate Gregory Reva, the three of you have done so much for the wolves under your care.  You have pioneered bringing together the witches and wolves on so many different levels.  It has changed the world we live in for the better and I know that Hecate and Selene are proud of you.  We are all thankful to you and proud to be a part of what you have helped create.

“And now, one of your children is going to take over for you.  Because of you, he can do that in a time of acceptance, love, and collaboration.  We thank you, we honor your sacrifice, and we release you of the burden of leadership,” Meredith says.  She hands the ceremonial blade to me and I slice my palm, dripping three droplets of blood into the chalice that Meredith is holding.  

It’s weird.  As the droplets flow into the cup, I feel like a weight is being taken off of my shoulders.  It’s a weight that I didn’t realize was there.  It’s one that I took on so many years ago, at the age of 21.  So it’s something that I’m used to.  Now that it’s gone, I feel like I stand taller.

No, I’ll never not be loyal to my pack.  I’ll never not want what’s best for them or be willing to help if I’m ever needed.  It just feels amazing that it isn’t on my shoulders anymore.  And I’m proud of the job that my mates and I did to raise a son who could take on this role and care for our people.

I pass the blade to Bella and she repeats the same actions.  No, she isn’t a wolf, but she was our luna.  And she was a damn good luna at that.

When Bella is done, she passes the blade back to Meredith.  I take her hand in mine, placing our cuts on top of each other and making sure to mix her blood with mine.  It will help heal her cut fairly quickly.  Especially since that’s something that we’ve done quite a few times over the years.

Meredith begins speaking again, “Jamal Agwag and Bella Martin, though you.  For your leadership, your guidance, your sacrifice, and your love with which you have dedicated your lives as our alpha and luna.  And now your service has ended.”

The entire amphitheater fills with the sounds of cheers and howls and applause.  The gratitude and love that I feel flowing form the wolves in the seats towards us and the feeling is almost overwhelming.  I shift Bella’s hand in mine to the other hand and put an arm around her.  She clutches to my hand, smiling at all of those in front of us.

We wave to the wolves, our last goodbye as alpha and luna.  When we take our seats, the crowd quiets and Meredith continues with the ceremony.  “Finnegan Agwag, you are the firstborn of our former alpha and his luna and lune.  You were born destined to be one of the great leaders of our age.  Do you take on the position destined for you as our leader, our father, and our guide?”

“I do,” Finn says and I feel like the smile on my face is about to burst it in half.  I’m so proud of my son.

Meredith hands the knife to Finn and he slices his palm, dripping the three drops into the cup.  Then she turns to the rest of our leadership.

“Beta Paula, Gamma James, and Delta Roe. The three of you have just lost part of your brotherhood, your alpha giving over his position to his son.  Do you swear your allegiance to Alpha Finnegan, to uphold the will of Mother Selene, and to serve your pack faithfully?”  Meredith asks.

“I do,” they say simultaneously.

Meredith swirls the cup and then passes it to Finn.  As he drinks and then passes it down the line, Meredith says, “This blood oath will be to connect you to each other from this day until your last day.”

Once they are finished with the oath, Meredith turns to the crowd.  “Do you accept Finegan Agwag as your alpha?”

“WE DO!” is screamed back to us.

Smiling, Meredith cries out, “Then, with the full faith of the goddess, I present to you Alpha Finnegan Agwag!”