012: All The Doors Closed

Ashton's POV

It was the second morning since the Vanguard Circle brunch.

Since I stood in front of Lily and begged her to let me be in my son’s life.

Since she looked me in the eyes, cut me down with words that still echoed in my chest, and walked away like I never meant anything.

I hadn’t slept well. I hadn't even left my penthouse. My thoughts were a mess. Nathan. Her son. My son.

My fingers drummed against the edge of the coffee table. I sat on the L-shaped leather couch in my living room, staring at the city through the massive glass windows. The sky was overcast, the light dull, but it didn’t matter. My mind was stuck on the same damn loop.

"He has your eyes."

That was what James said when I showed him the photo I found on the school’s website.

Nathan had my eyes. My mouth. Even the way he stood, like he owned the space around him.

I heard the soft sound of shoes across the hardwood floor.

"You're thinking again," James said, setting a coffee mug down on the table.

I didn't answer.

He sighed and took the seat across from me. "You can't go to her house. You know she’ll have the guards throw you out."

"I’m not going to show up uninvited," I said, voice low.

"Then what? You going to keep pacing and watching the skyline like it's going to give you answers?" James picked up his iPad. "You want to see your son. We need a plan."

"Everything I come up with sounds ridiculous."

"Try me."

I ran a hand through my hair and sat back. "I thought about showing up at his school."

James blinked slowly. "And risk her accusing you of stalking a child?"

I sighed. "Exactly."

"Okay, what about contacting the school directly? Maybe a donation, maybe a meeting with the principal..."

"That feels manipulative."

"So does hiding a kid from his father for four years, but here we are."

I gave him a look. James raised his hands slightly. "Sorry. That was out of line. But you know what I mean. You have to do something."

"I know," I muttered. "I thought about reaching out to her assistant. Dana."

James gave a slow shake of his head. "She’ll see right through that. Dana would never betray her."

"What if I ask for a meeting on behalf of a charity? Something Nathan’s involved in?"

"Sounds shady."

I leaned forward, hands clasped together. My voice was tired. "I just want to talk to him. I want to hear his voice. I want to ask him what he likes. What he's afraid of. If he has a favorite show. A favorite book. God, I don’t even know what kind of toys he plays with."

James studied me for a moment. He'd worked for me for almost a decade. He'd seen me fire people, win negotiations worth billions, walk into boardrooms and silence them with one look. But this? This was different.

"You miss her too," he said, quiet now.

I didn’t reply.

But he was right.

I missed her in a way that tore me open.

She was never just an employee. Never just another woman.

She was the only one who made me feel like I wasn’t just Ashton Reed, CEO of Reed Global Holdings. She made me feel like a man. Human.

And I ruined it.

"She hates me," I muttered.

"You can’t undo the past. But maybe you can build something new."

"She won’t let me."

"Then start with your son. Even if she blocks every path, you can’t stop trying. You owe him that much."

My jaw tensed.

I stood and walked to the window, hands shoved in my pockets. Below, the city moved on. People walked, drove, lived. And here I was. A man who had everything but felt like he had nothing.

"We could send him a gift," James offered. "A small one. Something thoughtful. Maybe something he likes."

"I don’t know what he likes. That’s the problem."

James was quiet.

I turned back to him. "Maybe I should write a letter."

He raised an eyebrow. "To Lily? Or Nathan?"

"Both."

"What would you even say?"

I paused. "That I’m not here to take him away. That I don’t want to disrupt his life. I just want to be in it. I want him to know me. I want him to know he has a father who cares. Who regrets everything."

"And Lily?"

"That I never stopped thinking about her."

James nodded slowly. "I think you should do it. But not today."

"Why not today?"

"Because you're too emotional. And if you say the wrong thing, you’ll make it worse."

He was right again.

"We need a real plan," I said.

"Okay. Then let’s brainstorm."

He sat forward and opened his notes. "Option one. We find out if Nathan is involved in any public activities. Art shows. Recitals. Things that are open to parents and guests."

"That’s a good one," I admitted.

"Option two. We work with a child psychologist. Someone neutral. Maybe they can reach out to Lily with a proposal to set up a mediated meeting. For Nathan’s sake."

I tilted my head. "That might work."

"Option three. You find a legal path. Custody, visitation..."

"That’s the last resort," I cut in. "I don’t want to fight her in court. I don’t want to be that man."

James nodded. "Then let’s keep that locked away."

I sat back down. The silence stretched between us again.

My phone buzzed.

It was a photo.

Someone had sent me a snapshot of Lily at the brunch event. She was standing at the podium, smiling. Her hands moved as she spoke. The people around her laughed, applauded. She looked confident. Alive. Like she belonged there.

My throat tightened.

She was radiant.

And I broke her.

"You alright?" James asked, watching me.

I didn’t answer. I just stared at the photo.

"You’re not going to give up, are you?" he asked.

"No," I said quietly. "Not this time."

Even if she slammed every door, even if she made me feel like the worst man alive...I was going to try.

Because Nathan deserved a father.

And Lily deserved the truth.

Even if she never forgave me.