Forty-two

She is not joking. I wait and wait for El to laugh but she doesn’t. Her words sink into my chest, dragging my heart to my stomach. She returns to work and my lips pull into a line as her head hunches over the sheets strewn across her desk. I think I have been dismissed. That too by my wife. She doesn’t want more kids.

El doesn’t notice how I sigh with my whole body or when I bring out my phone to check on our girls. Lydia is with them. I place a hand on the small of her back, loving and hating the feel of her body against mine. We are so close yet so far.

I shoot a text to Lydia to let her know we would be home soon. I don’t want to be here anymore but one look at El stops me from standing. She’s too invested in the portraits. It reminds me of Bri’s sketch that used to be in the hall. It’s the only thing I have from her. Something she made for her dad, to gift her dad but never got to do. 

Uncomfortable with the sil