Chapter 46

The house felt different without Madden.

Poppi didn’t know how else to describe it.

It wasn’t quieter.

Fred was still moving around downstairs. Valyn was still in the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets as she cleaned. The television was playing in the living room even though nobody seemed to be watching it.

Everything was exactly where it had been yesterday.

And somehow, everything felt completely different.

Poppi stood at the upstairs window, watching the empty driveway.

Madden’s truck was gone.

She had watched it disappear nearly twenty minutes ago.

She had stood there until the very last second, until the truck turned at the end of the street and disappeared behind the row of trees.

She hadn’t moved since.

Her arms were folded tightly across her chest.

Her hand slowly drifted down to her stomach.

The baby.

She still wasn’t used to thinking that word.

Baby.

Their baby.

Madden was somewhere on the road to Maryland right now.

And she was standing in Texas, pregnant with his child.

A soft knock sounded behind her.

Poppi turned.

Valyn stood in the doorway.

For a moment, neither of them said anything.

“You okay?” Valyn finally asked.

Poppi almost laughed.

It was such a simple question.

And somehow, it was impossible to answer.

“No.”

Valyn nodded.

“I didn’t think so.”

Poppi looked back toward the window.

“He’s really gone.”

“Yes.”

“He’s going to Maryland.”

“Yes.”

Poppi swallowed.

“And I’m here.”

Valyn stepped farther into the room.

“You’re not alone.”

Poppi looked at her.

“I know.”

But her voice didn’t sound convinced.

Valyn sat on the edge of the bed.

“Come sit with me.”

Poppi hesitated before walking over.

She sat beside her mother.

For a few seconds, they just sat there.

Then Poppi whispered, “I hate that everyone knows now.”

Valyn looked at her.

“Why?”

“Because everything is different.”

She wiped at her cheek.

“Yesterday, it was just me and you and Madden who knew.”

“I know.”

“Now Fred knows. Everyone knows. And suddenly everybody looks at me differently.”

Valyn reached for her hand.

“They’re going to adjust.”

“I don’t want people to look at me like I’m fragile.”

“They won’t.”

“They already do.”

Valyn squeezed her fingers.

“You’re going to be okay.”

Poppi shook her head.

“I don’t know if I am.”

That finally broke something in Valyn’s expression.

“You don’t have to know yet.”

Poppi looked down.

“What if I can’t do this?”

“You can.”

“What if Madden changes his mind?”

Valyn was quiet.

“What if Maryland changes him?”

“Poppi—”

“What if he meets someone else?”

Her voice cracked.

Valyn sighed.

“That’s something you can’t control.”

“I know.”

“And neither can he.”

Poppi looked at her.

“That’s why I hate this.”

“What?”

“That we’re supposed to stay away from each other when we’re having a baby.”

Valyn looked down at their hands.

“I know this is difficult.”

“No, Mom. It’s more than difficult.”

Poppi’s eyes filled.

“He’s the person I want to call when I’m scared. He’s the person I want to tell when something happens. He’s the person I want beside me.”

Valyn’s expression softened.

“And that’s exactly why I’m afraid.”

Poppi frowned.

“Afraid of what?”

“That you two will forget everything else.”

Poppi didn’t answer.

Valyn continued.

“You’re going to have a baby. Madden is going to school. You’re both going to have responsibilities that are bigger than what you feel right now.”

“What if what I feel doesn’t go away?”

Valyn looked at her daughter.

“Then eventually, you’ll have to figure out what it means.”

Poppi’s phone buzzed.

Both of them looked down.

Madden.

Poppi’s heart jumped.

She grabbed the phone immediately.

Madden: Just crossed into Oklahoma.

A smile appeared on her face before she could stop it.

Valyn noticed.

Poppi typed back.

Poppi: Already?

Three dots appeared.

Madden: Yeah. I hate this.

Her smile disappeared.

Poppi: Me too.

The response came almost instantly.

Madden: Did you eat?

Poppi rolled her eyes through her tears.

Poppi: Seriously? That’s what you’re asking?

Madden: Yes.

Madden: You’re taking care of my baby.

Poppi stared at the screen.

Her heart squeezed.

She typed.

Poppi: Our baby.

The three dots appeared again.

Then disappeared.

Then appeared.

Finally:

Madden: Our baby.

Poppi pressed the phone against her chest.

Valyn watched quietly.

“You don’t have to stop talking to him,” she said.

Poppi looked up.

“What?”

“I said you don’t have to stop talking to him.”

“But you told us—”

“I told you to stay away from each other physically.”

Valyn sighed.

“You’re going to be parents. You have to communicate.”

Poppi nodded slowly.

“I know.”

“But Poppi…”

Valyn’s eyes became serious.

“Don’t let these conversations become something they shouldn’t.”

Poppi looked at her.

“I won’t.”

Valyn wasn’t completely convinced.

But she nodded anyway.

Poppi looked back at her phone.

Another message.

Madden: I miss you.

Her breath caught.

She stared at the words.

Her thumb hovered over the keyboard.

She wanted to say it.

She wanted to tell him she missed him too.

She wanted to tell him that the house felt wrong without him.

That she had cried after his truck disappeared.

That she had already checked the driveway twice even though she knew he wasn’t coming back.

But instead, she typed:

Poppi: I miss you too.

She sent it before she could change her mind.

Immediately, she regretted it.