She dropped a new song. How did I miss the fact that she was working again? I've been scouring the Internet ever since she came back to the city, and there was nothing. I had to hear about it from one of those hangers-on that my wife is so fond of. My wife, how the hell am I going to get by her?I'm sure they didn't think I heard their whispers through the voice-canceling headphones I had on, but lucky for me, I was in between playlists and overheard her name, which of course, made me stop in my tracks and listen.Fuck this! I grabbed a light jacket from the guest closet and rushed towards the stairs, too much in a hurry to walk. "Hey, Rye....""Don't call me that; I told you never to call me that." Now walk away before I smash your fucking face in.I used my anger and the shock she was in from the outburst to make my escape. It wasn't the first time I'd yelled at her, and there have been much worst episodes in the past, but it was the price she paid for getting what she wanted and tra
"Oh no, that's too much. I'm not sure I'm ready for that." Baby steps, people, baby steps. In three, two, one, I'm going to absolutely freak the fuck out. "I can't do a live show right now, especially not an award show where everyone who's anyone in the industry will be there."I felt sick panic kicking in, and had to hold my breath to keep myself from blacking out. What they were offering was both amazing and terrifying at once. To be on that stage is every entertainer's dream, but there was no way I could make it my comeback venue. Are they insane?The song was doing well beyond my wildest imagination, beyond anyone's, I'm sure, and that's no doubt why they were offering me this chance but had everyone forgotten what I'd been through? The whole damn song spells it out, for crap's sake.It was hard enough putting those words to paper, then singing them to the melody that played in my head each time I read them, but to actually perform that song in public, in front of a live audience?
I let the water run down over me in the shower in the hopes that it would wash away whatever this was that I was feeling. It was the only place where I could be alone these days. Ever since that night that I'd rushed out of the house to go lick my wounds after listening to her song, Janie has been on my ass like stink on shit.Since I refused to answer her questions and she still had no idea where I'd gone or what I'd been doing, she's become even more neurotic than ever. I've been in hell ever since that night, vacillating between happiness, anger, relief, and uncertainty.I was proud of her, of course, though I had to keep it hidden. I must be the only human being on earth who wasn't allowed to show his true feelings one way or the other about her chart-topping song.I knew it was about me; how could I not? Everybody knew it was about me unless they lived under a rock. And even though she'd ripped me to shreds with her words, I can never forget the way it felt to see her again.She l
Yes, this is a new chance, a new beginning. It has nothing to do with the entertainment industry, and it's so far out of my comfort zone that I wouldn't know where to begin, but somehow, I know, deep down, that this is what I need to be doing at this time. Not only will it help others, but it will go a long way to helping me. But where do I start?For someone who wanted to lay low, my thoughts were leading me down a rather sticky path. But the more I think about it, the more sound it seems. How relieving it would be to just come out of the dark and stop living with the ever-present fear of always being found out.The more I thought of it as the night went on, the more at peace I felt with the idea. Is this what I needed all along? Is this part of what had been holding me back? But where do I start? I doubt my management team would take kindly to me exposing something that I'd gone to such great lengths to keep hidden. Their biggest worry would be, of course, what the public would thin
"Is that what Mary said to do? A smear campaign?""Pretty much, yeah.""But how? That idiot is so squeaky clean that there's nothing to say that would put her in a bad light. Believe me; I've looked.""So find something or make it up.""Making it up is easy, but what if Ryder sees it?""How will he? Aren't you still controlling his social media accounts?""Yes, I am. Look, maybe up until a week ago, I would've agreed with you, but I don't know. Lately, he's been acting kinda strange, and it all started when she released that first single. Now I don't know anymore. Everything seems to be getting away from me.""Stop whining; I'm getting sick of your attitude. This is what you said you wanted. We did a lot to get here; now, think of something. I refuse to believe that I raised a daughter who can't figure out how to get her own husband in her bed. It's been three and a half years. The guy was a fucking dog before you got married now he's a saint?""How do you know about that? That we hav
The last few months have been hell. I kept playing her song over and over again for hours. It was the only thing I had of her, the only thing giving me joy. Thank fuck for AirPods and my ability to pretend because Janie had started trying to control even that until I yelled at her so loudly, she almost fell back from the force.I think I saw real fear in her eyes that day. I'm not sure if she was afraid of me hitting her, something I'd never done, or if she'd realized something else she should be afraid of. I'm not sure how long it was gonna take for her to see the hate I felt for her. Of course, I've done my best to hide it from her; I'm not such a dick that I can blame her entirely for the mess I'd made of my life. But there were days when I looked at her, and it was hard to keep the hate and dislike hidden.I hadn't seen Elena since that night at the award show, but it seems like I'm hearing about her more and more of late. She's on the front of every magazine and seems to be the s
"This is gold. Some of the best sh*t you've ever written." At least that was something, and I know from the way you're all looking at me that you know exactly who every one of them is about. I didn't say shit because they didn't say shit, and that was that. I knew before I brought it to them that it was some of my best work. Because even if she wasn't there with me in the flesh, I had felt her spirit all over me in that studio. Just the memories of her had been enough to keep that fire ablaze, and the words kept coming as if they'd been locked away in there, just waiting to be released."So, when can I start the tour?""That's what I like to hear. Let's get these on the air, and then we'll get that all sorted. I think maybe a couple of months." I was shaking my head long before he said his last word."No, I need to get moving now. Do the release sooner and promote the tour at about the same time. I know it's not usually done, but I'm Ryder, and I can pull it off."I left them to their
"Who says it's about me?" I kept my face hidden from Sydney, who was trying to get a rise out of me. She's been going on and on since she got here about Ryder's latest hit and how it was all about me. "I'm telling you, that's all anyone can talk about. It's so damn obvious." And she sounded so pleased at that prospect."Don't you want to at least hear it?" This was a change from her usual refrain. She'd have cut her arm off just a few weeks ago before letting anything having to do with Ryder near me. Now here she was, trying to talk me into it. "You know you want to. I know you've never gotten over him, and that's something I've had to accept.""I wasn't going to say anything, but after watching your documentary, I'm ready to admit that you're strong enough to make your own decisions. I'm not saying you should dive back into social media, no one should have to deal with that cesspool, but this, I think you can handle."I've been tempted to listen to the song that everybody's been talk