The train arrived with a screech of metal on metal, and subconsciously I boarded and found a seat and gazed out the window as if somehow, the tunnel walls rushing by was the only thing that could grant my wish. "I wish you could see me," I whispered the deep words, picturing his face as I spoke. "Like really see me. I wish you could love me just the way I love you." Closing my eyes, I began to feel the weight of the unshed tears behind my eyelids. But just before I brushed them off I murmured again. "Just once, I want to know what it would be like if you truly loved me back." With a final sigh, I wiped the tears fighting to breakfree. Little did I know, some wishes come at a terrible price. When Asher Smith's boyfriend, supermodel Xander Fauler, wakes from a car accident with amnesia, their cold relationship transforms into something passionaate and real. For six blissful months, Asher experiences the love he always craved—until Xander's memories return, along with his icy demeanor. What was once six month's of undeniable love and pleasure just as he had always wanted, slowly turned into a nightmare that he had dreaded so much for the longest time. Amidst the uncertainty of his spot in his love life, Asher began to notice some odd changes in Xander, making him question if their relationship was ever real. As he tries to get a grip of his love life he uncovers a dangerous obsession lurking in Xander's inner circle and a traumatic secret from his past, putting him no way further from his recent doubt, now Asher must decide: walk away from heartbreak or fight for a love trapped beneath scars?
view more"Ini kopinya, Mas," ucap Dinara yang baru saja keluar dari dapur.
Wanita cantik berusia 29 tahun itu terlihat sederhana dalam balutan daster, ia tidak pernah berpenampilan mewah, bahkan riasan saja hanya bedak tabur biasa. Untuk wewangian ia memilih parfum isi ulang, semua itu ia lakukan demi kebutuhan rumah tangga terpenuhi dan tabungan masa tua aman. Suaminya bekerja sebagai staf admin di sebuah perusahaan swasta. Gajinya tidak kecil, tetapi entah kenapa pria berusia 32 tahun itu pelit sekali pada Dinara. Reno Adikusumo, pria berkulit sawo matang dengan postur tinggi tegap itu terlihat tampan karena memiliki bentuk rahang tegas dan alis tebal. Hidung mancung ia wariskan kepada Azka — putra pertama mereka yang masih berusia tujuh tahun. "Gas habis, Mas. Itu tadi tinggal sedikit, untung masih cukup untuk merebus air," ucap Dinara seraya mendudukkan diri di sofa empuk itu. "Cepet banget habisnya, makanya kamu jangan boros jadi, dong." Sret! Wanita pemilik iris coklat itu sontak menoleh, matanya memicing memperhatikan suaminya yang tengah meminum kopi. "Boros katamu? Itu saja sudah hampir satu bulan lalu aku belinya, kamu jangan lupa kalau gasnya beli pakai uangku." "Halah, gitu saja diungkit-ungkit. Toh hasil masakannya juga masuk ke perutmu, perut anakmu juga! Kenapa diributkan?" Dinara semakin naik pitam, kesabarannya yang setipis tisu dibelah dua itu semakin menipis melihat suaminya yang tampak tidak peduli. "Gaji doang gede, ganti uang gas 20 ribu nggak mampu!" desisnya. "Hei!" Reno membalikkan badan, menghadap wanita yang sudah dinikahinya selama 7 tahun itu. "Kenapa sekarang jadi perhitungan? Oh ... kalau kamu mau perhitungan, sekalian saja kita hitung biaya listrik dan air. Siapa yang membayarnya kalau tidak aku?!" ucapnya lagi setengah berteriak. "Heh, Mas! Kita sudah berumah tangga selama delapan tahun, selama itu juga kamu tidak paham tugas kepala keluarga. Aku rela menggunakan uang dari ibuku untuk beli kebutuhan dapur, masak, bahkan bayar sekolahnya Azka. Apa kamu lupa kalau sebagian besar perabotan di rumah ini disumbang ibuku? Kamu hanya nyumbang bayar listrik sama air saja sudah sombong!" jelas Dinara panjang lebar dengan napas terengah-engah. Tangannya berpegangan pada rak piring, dadanya naik turun sambil menatap tajam ke arah suaminya yang juga tengah melotot. "Dasar wanita perhitungan! Rugi aku menikahimu," desis Reno. Rahangnya mengetat, urat-urat wajahnya tampak menonjol. "Seharusnya aku yang bilang begitu, Mas," sahut Dinara yang tidak mau kalah. "Aku kurang apa selama jadi istri kamu. Selama ini aku diam meskipun nggak kamu kasih uang, aku cari sendiri buat kebutuhan kita. Padahal aku tahu gajimu nggak sedikit, tapi entah untuk apa uangnya." "Jadi kamu nggak ikhlas?! Kamu selalu ungkit-ungkit, Din. Aku ini kepala rumah tangga yang nggak ada harga dirinya kalau di hadapan kamu. Punya gaji saja merasa lebih tinggi dari suami, padahal cuma jualan online yang dulu modalnya dari aku," sahut Reno. Dinara menggelengkan kepala, lagi-lagi Reno membahas modal? "Aku sudah mengembalikan modalnya tahun lalu kalau kamu lupa, Mas!" Reno hendak menyahut, tetapi urung saat melihat sesosok wanita paruh baya memasuki dapur. "Ada apa, sih, ini? Suara kalian terdengar sampai depan, loh." Yuyun, ibunya Reno alias mertua Dinara datang dengan kening mengerut bingung. Ah, Bu Yuyun, seperti belum terbiasa saja dengan pertengkaran anak dan menantunya. "Dinara, ada apa?" Yuyun menelisik menantunya dari atas sampai bawah. "Kamu ini perempuan, tapi suaranya keras sekali. Bagaimana laki-laki mau hormat kalau kamu seperti itu? Kamu harus tunduk, jangan mengungguli suamimu," ucapnya dengan suara lirih. "Kamu 'kan tahu Reno kerja dari pagi sampai sore, anakku pasti capek. Tapi kamu malah ngomel-ngomel. Seharusnya kalau kurang, tuh, kamu bangun kerja. Bukan protes saja bisanya." Yuyun kembali bersuara yang semakin membuat telinga Dinara panas. Wanita cantik itu memutar bola matanya dengan malas. "Iya, Bu," jawabnya. Lebih baik mengalah kalau mertua sudah bersabda, pikir Dinara. Ia masih ingin waras agar bisa merawat putranya, ia tidak mau jantungan dan tensinya naik gara-gara menghadapi suami dan mertuanya. 'Lebih baik aku pergi dari pada berdebat sama dua orang gila ini,' batin Dinara sambil melenggang pergi menuju kamarnya. Masih terdengar kasak-kusuk dari arah dapur, tetapi ia memilih untuk tidak peduli. Selama ini ia tidak pernah menganggap ucapan mertuanya, selalu masuk kuping kanan dan keluar kuping kiri. Ia tidak mau sakit hati, karena putranya yang akan menjadi korban. Ia ingin fokus membesarkan Azka agar tidak seperti papanya, pokoknya Dinara ingin memutus mata rantai kekejaman suami dan mertuanya. "Aku harus cari kerja. Tapi di mana?" gumam Dinara sambil mengubek-ubek isi lemari. Ia menemukan ijazah S1-nya, hatinya kembali bersedih, lebih sedih dibanding saat mengingat perlakuan suaminya tadi. "Ini sudah tujuh tahun lalu, apa aku masih diterima kalau melamar di perusahaan?" gumamnya dengan perasaan gundah. Dinara langsung menikah setelah ia lulus kuliah, ijazahnya nganggur dan tidak jarang menjadi bahan olok-olokan mertuanya. Jelas saja ia sakit hati, tetapi wanita itu pintar menyembunyikannya. Telinga dan hatinya sudah kebal selama tujuh tahun ini. Sebuah dering ponsel menyentaknya, ia meraih ponsel dan mendapati sebuah pesan masuk dari sahabatnya, Nada. [Din, ada lowongan pekerjaan di perusahaan tempatku bekerja sebagai office girl. Kamu mau atau tidak? Kalau mau, bisa langsung datang.] tulis Nada yang langsung membuat Dinara memekik senang. "Terima kasih, Ya Tuhan. Engkau langsung menjawab kegundahanku," gumam Dinara. Ia tidak masalah dengan pekerjaan apapun, asal bisa mendapatkan uang dengan cara halal. Dinara segera menyiapkan berkas untuk melamar pekerjaan, ia menulis tangan serapi mungkin dan lekas berdandan mengenakan kemeja polos dan celana hitam. Kakinya melangkah cepat keluar rumah, beruntung suaminya sudah berangkat kerja dan mertuanya sudah masuk kamar. Jadi Dinara bisa pergi dengan leluasa. Wanita itu menuju tempat foto kopi untuk membeli materai dan map, setelahnya ia naik kendaraan umum menuju River Corporation, perusahaan tempatnya melamar kerja. Tidak lama kemudian kendaraan sudah berhenti di depan gedung pencakar yang sangat megah, Dinara menatap kagum ke sana. Detik berikutnya ia masuk dengan jantung berdegup kencang, ternyata Nada sudah menunggunya di depan lobi. "Ayo aku antar ke HRD, Din. Kamu harus wawancara dulu. Semoga kamu diterima dan bisa langsung bekerja di sini," kata Nada menuntun Dinara naik tangga menuju ruang HRD. "Apa aku bisa, Nad? Aku bukan fresh graduate," bisik Dinara. "Bisa, lah. Kamu 'kan pintar, jadi kamu harus yakin." Nada menatap teduh ke dalam menik coklat sahabatnya. "Semua akan baik-baik saja. Kamu harus bisa, demi Azka." Dinara mengangguk dengan senyum lebar, ia seakan kembali mendapatkan semangatnya 'Ya, benar. Aku harus kuat demi Azka. Setelah aku mendapatkan banyak uang, aku akan pergi membawa putraku dan memberikannya kehidupan yang lebih layak,' batin Dinara penuh tekad.Asher's POVThere are two things I never thought I’d do this week.One: take in a street cat like a lonely cartoon character.Two: call the flirty bartender whose name I didn’t even know.And yet, here I was. Sitting on my bed, Smile curled up beside my leg, and my finger hovering over the contact card he gave me at the bar.It had been sitting on my desk since the night I almost got flattened by a speeding bike. I kept looking at it and putting it down. Picking it up again. Then pretending I was too busy.But now?I had no more excuses.I had finished every single task on my laptop. Checked all the emails. Sent every file. Double-checked the layouts. Replied to Sophia even though I hated her guts. And still, I felt this weird restless feeling buzzing in my chest.Smile let out a little yawn and shifted on the blanket.I glanced at the clock. 6:47 PM.Screw it.I picked up my phone and punched in the number.He picked up on the fourth ring.“Hello?”I cleared my throat. “Hi. It’s me.
Xander’s POVThe flash went off again, straight into my eyes.“Xander, just a little more to the left,” the photographer called out.I turned slightly, adjusted my jaw, narrowed my eyes, and gave them the usual expression. Cold. Confident. Unbothered.I was none of those things.My knees were shaky. My hands were sweating. My chest felt tight like a belt had been strapped around it. I tried to blink the feeling away. Maybe it was the lights. Or the layers of clothes. The heat in the studio was unbearable.“Hold that pose,” someone yelled.I tried.But the floor shifted under me.It didn’t actually move, but it sure as hell felt like it did.I took a step back.Too late.My ankle wobbled and I almost tipped over. I caught myself, but it wasn’t smooth. Everyone noticed. Sophia especially.“Xander?” she called, walking over with that usual panicked look in her eyes. “Are you okay?”“I’m fine,” I said quickly, but my voice didn’t sound right.Too thin. Too hoarse.She reached for my arm.
Asher's POVThe first thing I did when I got inside was drop my keys and stare at the little cat that had followed me all the way home. It didn’t look scared. Just calm. Like it belonged here.I knelt down and stroked its fur again. Up close, it was worse than I thought. The fur was matted with dirt, paws were rough, and I was pretty sure something was stuck in its tail.“You really went through it, huh?” I muttered.It meowed like she agreed.I grabbed an old towel and took it straight to the bathroom. It followed me in like it had always lived here.The bath wasn’t easy.It squirmed a bit at first, but once the warm water hit it, it settled down. I lathered it up with the safest soap I had, mixed in a little antiseptic to be safe. It purred and started licking the bubbles off its paw.“Hey, no, don’t eat that,” I said, gently pulling the paw away. “It’s not candy.”It blinked at me and meowed again. It was small. Almost like a sigh.I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re trouble.”I too
Asher's POVI didn’t plan to go out that night.I was supposed to head straight home after errands, but my feet had a mind of their own. Maybe I was trying to escape the silence in my apartment. Maybe I just didn’t want to think about Xander. Again.Either way, I ended up at a bar not far from my new place.It wasn’t packed, just a few people scattered in booths and on stools. The music wasn’t too loud, and the lights were low enough that no one looked too hard at anyone else. Perfect.I walked up to the counter, took a seat, and waved down the bartender.He was hot.Tall, broad shoulders, with a smirk that looked like it had gotten him out of trouble more times than it should’ve. The kind of guy who could get away with anything just by flashing that smile.He leaned on the counter as he handed me my drink.“You look like someone who needs a good night.”I gave a short laugh. “Something like that.”“Rough day?” he asked, wiping down a glass.“More like a rough few weeks.”He nodded li
Xander’s POVI woke up to the blaring sound of my alarm clock.The shrill noise stabbed into my ears like knives. I smacked it off the nightstand and sat up, groaning. The sun was already bleeding through the curtains, too bright, too loud. My head was pounding and my chest was tight. I didn’t even check the time. I already knew—I was late.Photoshoot.Shit.I kicked off the blanket, rushed into the bathroom to freshen up. When I came out, I pulled on the nearest clothes I could find, and didn’t even bother checking if that annoying human was sprawled out on my couch like usual.In fact, I had made sure that wasn’t going to be a problem anymore.I had already asked Sophia to assign me another editor. I didn’t want to see his face. Didn’t want to hear his voice. Didn’t want to feel that tight knot in my chest every time my mind wandered back to the soft moments—the ones I didn’t remember making.The ones that felt too real to be fake.I didn’t have time for that.I drove like the stree
Asher’s POVI cried myself to sleep.The pillow was damp. My throat felt raw. I had pulled the blanket over my head to muffle the sound, but I knew he probably heard me. The silence in this apartment didn’t leave room for secrets.Sometime in the middle of the night, I felt it—movement. The faint creak of floorboards, the soft hush of slippered steps. A shadow passed the couch. Slowed near me.I didn’t open my eyes.I didn’t want to.I didn’t want to look up and see Xander watching me. Not like this. Not in this pathetic, broken state. If he was going to feel anything, I didn’t want it to be pity.The shadow lingered for a moment… then moved on.By dawn, I was already set for work but I couldn’t bring myself to take the car.The thought of sitting behind the wheel, stuck in traffic, trapped in my own head—it felt like a death sentence. I needed air. Space. Something different.So I walked.The morning wind bit into my face as I left the building. I wrapped my coat tighter and shoved m
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