I began sobbing when he started touching me under my shirt with his free hand. I screamed but there was no one to help me. I could only cry, like a stupid dumb weak girl. After a while, he stopped his assaults and clenched his jaw tight as he stared at me.
“No one would want you, slut. You are so ugly that I don’t even want to touch you. You disgust me, bitch. You should rot in hell.” He taunted with his face scrunched up in disgust.
He slapped me a couple of times and then pushed me down on the dirty and wet floor and walked away. My head felt heavy and spots of darkness blinded me for a while before I could re-focus and make out my surroundings.
I couldn’t stop feeling his hands roaming my upper body. I couldn’t stop crying. How could someone’s life be so painful? How could a girl not understand another girl’s pain? Many questions zeroed in my mind but I couldn’t find any answers to my questions. I was so weak and felt so lost. I was grateful that he didn’t do anything else but the very thought of his hands roaming my chest, groping my breasts and caressing my skin made me nauseous and I felt a bitter taste on my tongue. I’ve never been manhandled and assaulted this way. I have never been touched by a male before. I never had a boyfriend. I couldn’t bring myself to have one with the way I was beaten at home. I did not want to drag someone in my mess, so I stayed clear of any boy looking my way. Also, no one wanted to be associated with the girl who was always bullied at school. My bullies made sure that everyone would stay away from me. So, after being touched this way, I was traumatized.
I got up and ran all the way back home without glancing back. I ran straight to my bedroom and grabbed a pen to write yet another letter to mom, still in hope that she will answer back.
My hands were trembling with fear and rage.
My right hand struggled to hold onto the pen well but I forced myself to write.
I had to write.
Dear mom,
Please answer me mom. It’s me, your Lea. I can’t keep up with such a life anymore, mom. I can’t bear living under the same roof as dad, mom. I tried my best to care for him and to help him but in return, I only got bitter words from him, mom. Please mom, come and take me away from here. I am getting weaker. I have lost the courage mom. I can’t. I really can’t, mom. I have lost. I can’t keep waiting mom. I can’t....
I stopped, my right hand giving up on me completely. I slipped from my desk chair and fell down onto the floor briskly. I did not feel any pain as I landed on my knees. I kept replaying my ten years in my head. How my dad abused me and hated me, saying that I was the one responsible behind the departure of my mom. How my classmates bullied me, blaming me of ever being born, of ever being one of their classmates, of ever facing them with my ugly face. Was being an average looking girl a mistake? Was being an abandoned girl a mistake? Was it my mistake that my mother left me? Wasn’t it my father’s mistake? Wasn’t he the one responsible for her leaving us? Weren’t my classmates wrong? Aren’t they to be blamed or am I the only one to be blamed? Was it my fault that I was suffering both at home and at school? I wasn’t.
I never was.
Yet, I was being blamed even when I was never the reason behind everything.
Then, why me? Not being able to think straight, I pulled myself up with the aid of my study desk, stood up on my numbed legs and rushed into the bathroom, grabbed a razor and began cutting myself. It feels good. I am so done with this life. The razor does not seem enough though.
I needed something sharp, something that would help me in ending everything, every suffering, every pain, every taunt, every blame.
I descended the stairs leading in the kitchen downstairs stumbling all the way there and snatched a knife from one of the drawers. Without wasting any time, I slid the knife across my wrists and soon felt dizzy with the lost of blood. I let myself drop down onto the kitchen floor and leaned against the kitchen counter. I smiled as I felt myself slowly falling asleep. I am happy for leaving this heartless world. I’m a human being too. I feel pain like any other human being alive in this world then why? Till when will I bear such extreme pain? It is a pain that wasn’t meant for me; a pain that will only cause me sufferings from living in such a cruel world.
Oh God, I’m crying out
for an angelic helping handwhich would protect me with all mightas the thunderstorm roars through my lifeI know there is no hiding place
but only my almighty God in theeHide me under your powerful wingswhere I’ll be secured indeedTurn the rainstorm down on
this darkly gruesome yet awesome tempestI know you’re in control Godbut I’m so tired and drainedThese things are all your work
so I know it’s meant to beonly give me wisdomto do what’s expected of meThere are precautions I must take
as yet on earth I live my lifeI know I must keep prayingand your blessings you will grace my soul.But now, I am tired and I can’t live anymore. Please, accept me in your arms, my Lord and protect me under your magic wings. Blackness overcame me and soon I was in an endless sleep.
I thought that I would never wake up again but I was wrong.
Someone saved me.
Why did he save me?
My question was left unanswered.
Once I opened my eyes, I was met with complete brightness, so bright that I had to close my eyes almost immediately and reopened them slowly.Why was it so bright?I moved to push myself up in a sitting position but flinched when I felt a sting on my left hand. Almost instantly, my whole body was aching and I could feel that I had forced my body when I tried to get up. All the muscles in my entire body were screaming as I made the slightest moves.Memories came rushing back into my brain and without a warning, all the pain was released, as if it was asleep and was waiting until recognition dawned on me.I realized then that I was at the hospital with both my wrists bandaged.What was even worst is the fact that it was my father who had brought me here. Well, who else would it be? No one visited us since my mother left us, no relatives, no family friends, nobody. But I remember clearly that we had a lot of people visiting us before my mom left me al
I never wanted to be jealous but I am when I look at families enjoying some family time at the park or at a restaurant. I miss this. I miss us being a family. I miss my family.One thing I knew for sure is to be left alone now that I’m still alive. I can’t take it anymore. The insults thrown at me by my father and my classmates have crushed me far enough that I feel like if I don’t stop it now, I would disappear forever. I wouldn’t be able to tolerate these sufferings anymore. So, I took up the courage and voiced out.“I’ll l-like to s-speak to you a-a-alone...“, I couldn’t stop myself from stuttering like a fool while looking down, playing with my hands to stop them from shaking.Stupid courage wouldn’t last long. It vanished the moment I opened my mouth.“... Of course”, the officer trailed off while squinting one of his eyes at my father but the latter scrambled up quickly.&ldquo
I slowly lifted myself up with my elbows by my sides supporting my body weight as I sat up straight, resting my back against the head of the bed.“W-What happened?” I asked him while a lump made its way to my throat causing me to stutter.“Your father is gone!” he exclaimed, looking quite surprised that my father managed to escape the hospital this quickly.After a while, his face twisted in confusion.“My men are at the front entrance and they haven’t seen him go out which means that he is still in the hospital but where?” Jason said aloud, enlightening me of the cause of his confusion.My heartbeats escalated once again.“W-Where is h-he?” I couldn’t help but ask even though I knew that Jason was as clueless as me. I just needed to know where he was for reassurance. He might just pop up when I least expect it and knowing him, he might have already realized it by now that I have to
Once the doctor closed the door behind him, I asked.“Did you find my father?” I wanted to see him nod but instead, he shook his head from side to side.“Your father managed to escape the hospital. It seems to me that he got dressed as a warden boy and escaped in an ambulance with the sirens on. Your father fooled them stating that the ambulance was needed urgently for an accident which occurred nearby. He was wearing a mask as well and my men hesitated to stop the ambulance for a complete check up and let him go.” Jason angrily declared as he fisted his hands by his sides in anger, clearly frustrated that after reassuring me that he wouldn’t let my father escape the hospital, the latter still managed to get away.I felt my insides crumble and twisting at the same time as my chest heaved out with uneven breath. No, this can’t happen. He can’t escape. I thought he would be behind the bars once he got out but he got away.
A gust of wind flew by causing me to shiver once again from the cold. Without wasting another second, I pulled the passenger door open and got in the front seat. Closing the door once I was settled, I sighed at the warmth the jeep offered.Twisting my body slightly to my left, I reached out to grab my bag from the back seat. Rummaging through the stuffs in it, I prayed to God that my father at least packed one of my sweaters in it. Feeling through the clothes, I felt my fingers touch something warm and cotton-like. I pulled it and smiled as I saw one of my black sweaters. This should work for the time being. It would keep me warm enough throughout the way back home. I zipped up the bag and kept it back on the back seat. Immediately, I wore the sweater and swooned at the comfort it had to offer and leaned my back against the seat.I glanced around and couldn’t help but conclude that at night, the hospital grounds looked kind of creepy. Other than the other police
After a while of re-thinking everything, I nodded in agreement.“Let’s go get your stuffs then.” He uttered and then sighed in relief or in exhaustion, I couldn’t tell.Once we got everything packed and in the back of the jeep, we were ready for the journey ahead of us.For me, it will be a much needed journey where I will be able to start afresh at a new place among new people but I was also anxious as I was not really ready for what lies ahead of me. I was oblivious to the environment of the new place and the people there but I was ready for a new beginning.I glanced at my house for one last time and gulped hard to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat as I felt my nose and eyes prick with unshed tears. It was a familiar feeling I have felt all these years and I couldn’t easily forget the sensation of it as I thought of my mother and the good memories I had of her in this house. I watched my house until it faded to
What I heard then, was the sexiest and deepest voice that had my heart skipping a beat but I kept my eyes downwards, somewhat finding my worn out sneakers much more interesting than knowing the owner of the voice. I frowned in confusion though because I never had my heart reacting in this way. Am I falling sick? I can’t be afraid of him since I don’t even know him. I am sure then that I am falling sick and it is related to my heart. Maybe some heart problems? I decided that remaining quiet at this moment would be a wise thing to do, so, I stayed silent and let Jason do the talking. I will look into my heart disease later on when everything related to my new place of residence is solved. For now, the only thing important to me is having a new place to live; a safe place where my father wouldn’t be able to reach me. “You’re here. What a pleasant surprise." the voice said with a tiniest bit of sarcasm and arrogance but with a hint of mockery too. I felt a light
Why can’t I breathe? I pried at my throat, trying to remove the thing strangling me, preventing me from getting an ounce of air in my lungs. I shook my head, kept on trying to get away while trying my level best to remove the grasp around my neck but I just couldn’t. What’s happening? What’s wrong with me? “Fuck! She’s dying - “Shut the fuck up!'' I heard the guy shout.... no whisper over to someone. He sounded so far away. Have I succeeded in getting away from him? I wanted to open my eyes to search for Jason but I just couldn’t. I could feel dots of blackness covering my eyesight and my head spinning before I could feel myself falling, falling hard but only to be caught by a pair of strong arms. Only one thing I’ve been able to see is Ryder’s twisted and worried face as he leaned over my face, too close for my liking. But, I couldn’t do anything to get away because I fell in a tunnel of blackness which went deeper and deeper and deeper. I don’t want