Chapter 3

Fae

I snickered. It was a secret open to anyone though it traveled through whispers. My pitiful friend mooching off of me in between opening her legs to any man who could pay.

Then my lips trembled. However crass it might sound, but that same person was married now to Carl. She didn’t need to do that anymore, right? But he didn’t know. He mustn’t have. She had supposedly stopped when I took her in. Supposedly. It was a long while later when I realized she still did it, prostituted herself for cash. But I didn’t judge her. I wasn’t disappointed. I pitied her more. There must be some needs she just couldn’t ask from me, I thought. What did I really know? But I didn’t confront her—I didn’t know what to say. What could you say to someone who did that? I could never get it, and I was only grateful I never had to feel that same need because even in his grave, my father protected me. 

But what about Carl? Was he aware and still married her in spite of it? It only confused me more. He should be told… but I would seem prejudiced if I did it myself. On the other hand, if he knew and still accepted Sarah, then he truly loved her. And I couldn’t think about that anymore.

Oh god, I was going to hate myself tomorrow. I would look at my life and see how I really had no one. I would see how naïve and stupid I was because Sarah was able to fool me so many times. Noone also tried to date me. It might be because I had been busy in my studies and when I apprenticed—oh fuck it. That was a lie. I wasn’t ever interested in any other man than Carl. I blew over someone who even hinted they want to go out with me. I hid behind my other friends Pam, Joana and Kasey. This was all on me.

Tonight, I would hate my situation. And Tom, for the creepy maniac that he was. Sarah’s sex buddy, the one she sneaked into my condo during the last bar exam review week. God, the unit reeked of sweat and sex and I had to spring clean the next day.

As stressed as I could be, I couldn’t think of sex to de-stress. And if I must? I would un-must if Tom was the last man on Earth to fuck.

Oh god. I was drunk. Just thinking of this man and… eww. Akh.

But still… Tom and Sarah… and Sarah and Carl.

I stopped my dry heaving. It wasn’t amusing anymore.

Carl deserved someone better.

If he didn’t like me, he could have fallen in love with someone else. Sarah wasn’t it. She didn’t love him. I snickered again. Of course, she just—

Tom laughed, too, at something I might have said. Or something he might have said. I knew nothing. I was not listening. He was noise to me, like any other noise in the bar.

He was blocking my way. I couldn’t leave.

He was a nuisance.

I was about to tell him not to bother with me. But when I turned to him, I felt his hand press on the small of my back.

I straightened, annoyed. I didn’t like that he was touching me or that he was that close, especially after he bent down and whispered to me. “We can talk better in a place where there are no other people,” he said.

I laughed. Drunk I was—but not drunk enough. 

I would only go with one person, and that was Carl.

But—Eureka!—he was married! I was not a homewrecker… so I had no one else to go with. I would go upstairs and cry forever. That was the only forever I believed in now, and nothing else would change my mind!

But Tom continued chattering. A litany inside my head that I didn’t care to hear. 

“Fuck. Off… plishh,” I interrupted. He was too close that I could smell his body sweat under the cologne, and I cringed, remembering what he and Sarah did to my couch, and my bed. And it occurred to me—she might have done that deliberately.

Why? Because Sarah hated me.

How long had she started hating me? Why would she hate me like that? What did I ever do to her to make her hate me like that?

Tom was saying something as he tried to ply me down my high stool, and I lost patience with him.

“God… willu jesh leave mealone?!” I shrieked at him.

Suddenly, someone was speaking coldly from my other side. “What the hell are you doing, Tom?”

And I laughed again. Of course. I couldn’t feel any happier to hear his voice. Mr. Damage Control. 

Jigo finally came near enough to rescue me. 

Thank fuck.

But as I turned to my rescuer, I realized I hadn’t gotten off the stool yet. And I staggered, out-of-balance, sliding to the side. I was about to face-plant on the floor.

Jigo smoothly held me up. I felt his hand grab my dress and pull me up before I could slide all the way down.

“I’m just talking to Fae,” I heard Tom justify himself just as I tried picking up my heart from where it landed at the bottom of my stomach. That fall would have been very painful, really. I was having a mini-heart-attack. Jigo’s arm was around my waist, securing me in place atop the stool. I grabbed his chest to hold on to, not even surprised how wide and solid it felt.

And tough.

Jigo had always looked solid. Now I knew that he really was solid. 

I could feel it.

This was the first time I got near him like this. We’d danced. He could really dance. But during the time, I was too conscious about making a mistake (it was a cotillion after all) that I didn’t even think to feel him up like this. Not that I was feeling him up like that. I wasn’t a pervert or something like that. I just couldn’t help it because he had just rescued me from the floor and I needed to appreciate the merchandise.

“Whuduhellwas I even shaying?”

“I’ll get you back to your room,” I heard Jigo say. “Just hold on a moment, Fae.”

I nodded. “Thank. You.” Then I didn’t hesitate to lean onto him because he was strong. Like a stone wall.

Hmm. Nice.

“No...” I interrupted as the two continued to argue, and I realized what Tom was saying. “Non-non-non-no. He didn’t just want to talk, Jigo. He wanted to bringee where none else was… like… as if I would go withim?!” I tried telling him the real story even though there were two tongues inside my mouth and they were trying to stick to each other. Shit. Tequila could do that. Yes.

“C’mon, man. Fae and I are friends,” Tom insisted.

I laughed. It was a happy, tinkling sound. Much like the shot glasses behind the bar. “Ohh, don’t lie. No-we’re. Not!” And I pointed at the tip of his nose with the tip of my right index finger. It ended down his right eye, almost gouging his eyeballs. “He and Sarah… were fuck buddies!” I announced, enjoying the freedom brought about by alcohol. There was nothing more gratifying than saying the fuck word when you’re this dead drunk. “I’m not friends with fuck buddies of Sarah because Sarah isn’t my friend anymore. Or... never. Been my friend.” I closed my eyes. I was supposed to hurt because of that. I forgot why. “Whatever… fuck her shit…”

When I opened my eyes, the men were looking at me, two comical shocked faces. And I stared back at them. Tom wasn’t even a tad close to Jigo’s perfect, classically handsome looks. He’s beautiful. Just another proof that Sarah chose men really sloppily. If not a maniac like Tom, then someone like Carl whom someone else genuinely loved.

Me. I loved Carl more. There was no way Sarah could love him like I could… I cried inside, and I suddenly remembered I was hurting. I could feel something cutting at my heart, squishing it bloody. Shaking it dry. 

“Shit,” Tom said, laughing at me. That’s how I found out I was talking my thoughts out loud.

“Shut up, you shit,” I parroted at him.

“I told you never to frequent any of my bars,” Jigo to Tom in a tone like he was talking about the weather. Except it also sounded like a threat.

“Jigo, we were in a fucking wedding. There is no other bar closer but yours. And I have a room here, too.”

“You’re checked out. You’re rooming somewhere else, Tom, so stay out and I wouldn’t fucking care. But if I just hear anything from the other owners about your creepy ass, I’m going after you. Do we understand each other?”

I snickered. I was going to say ‘told you’ but I heard no protest from Tom. I turned to look, but I swayed and then Jigo’s muscular arms were suddenly around me, and I melted over him like jelly, my face planted on his chest.

Oh… he smelled so nice.

I realized that Tom had left—I somehow missed that. I wanted to thank Jigo. “Jigo...?” I started, but the delicious feeling of being in his firm grip distracted me. Security. I was safe in his arms from the Toms of the world. His hand was gentle as he rubbed my back. Yes, he was rubbing my back… and it actually felt good. And he was looking down at my face, checking how I was.

“Where are her purse and shawl?” I heard him ask. “Fae? Let’s get you out of here,” he then told me. There was a lingering of irritation in his face because of Tom.

“Hmm?” Oh, my shawl. My… purse. I did have those. What happened to them? “They were just here...” And I was staring at him. There were two Jigos that I could see. “Why’re you two? Oh yeah.. I’m kind of drunk. Makes sense…” Fortunately, he was such an eye candy, so I guessed it was okay to have more candies for the eyes to see.

He was suddenly grinning, albeit reluctantly. And I knew I was thinking loudly again. I should be ashamed to be acting like this in front of him, but I wasn’t. There was no doubt I would regret this in the morning, so I might as well tell him what I wanted to say right now.

“You’re here. You’re... you’ve come for me. You’ve been… looking out for me.”

He sighed. “Yes, I am.”

Tears heated my eyes up. “But you’re not... who I want.”

His face sobered up. “I know that, too, Fae. Did you think Carl isn’t worried about you? Or Grandma Leah? Our friends at the reception? Or I?”

“Thank you... Carl’s friend...” And I sniffed. “But I can’t help it... I hurt so much...”

His face softened. “You’re heartbroken and drunk, kid. Let me get you upstairs. Can you walk?”

I rested my forehead on his elegant, wide shoulders. My lips trembled. I felt bad, suddenly, for crying on him. But I didn’t want to cry. That’s why I drank alcohol to forget.

But how could I forget today that easily? How could they do this to me?

“Jigo... I’ve lost... Carl,” I told him in a tremulous voice. “I’ve lost him completely now.” There, I said it out loud. It was official.

When he spoke, his voice was even gentler, as if I was a small child he was trying to comfort. “I know... I’m so sorry, Fae. C’mon, let’s get you out of here.” And he was holding my shawl and my purse. Obtained from somewhere like magic. And it didn’t surprise me. Jigo could do anything, could accomplish anything. That was why he terrified me. I could like him as easily—more easily—that when I fell for Carl. And it could happen just like that, and I would be helpless. I couldn’t do this heartbreaking thing twice, you know. Who would even want that?

“Billie,” he said to the bartender. “I’m leaving with her. Take care of the other one in case he comes back.”

“Yes, boss. Easy.”

“But I’m not… finished here,” I protested, not wanting to leave now that I was with someone I could actually be with.

“Fae... you can barely sit straight,” he said near my ear.

“I’m finished... when I’m... done. When I can’t… I can’t think about him anymore, Jigo…” And that again. My eyes started leaking again. “I hate this.”

“If you want to drink, I’ll drink with you, okay?” he suddenly said. “But not here. Let me bring you somewhere where I can take care of you. Let’s go.”

I looked up at him and drowned in his sympathetic eyes. He had beautiful eyes. Beautifully shaped, with thick and silky eyelashes. I only noticed it now. Only now did I get this close, numbed like this, that he couldn’t overwhelm me even if he tried.

I could see him.

And he felt sorry for me. Now, at this moment, he felt so sorry for me and wasn’t hiding it. But it surprised me to see such feelings on his face.

Even if it was pity for me, it was okay. Of everyone, he was the one here next to me. He made time for me.

Well, he did own this hotel. But still, he chose to be here with me.

And for that, even if I didn’t want anyone’s pity, his was okay. It was distracting me from the agony that was crimping my heart and making it difficult for me to breathe.