03: Are You Leaving?

WINTER:

My heart was hammering against my chest as I sauntered towards the dining area. The smell of rose flowers wafted across the air. But it did not help me at all to calm my nerves. 

Ynes, our house helper was already at the dining area and gaped at me as she scanned my looks. It had been a long time since she saw me doll myself. 

In the previous months, I looked like nothing but a walking zombie. 

"You look gorgeous, Miss Winter," she whispered. 

"Thank you," I whispered and my gaze wafted through Calcifer who was eyeing me too.  I shifted my weight from foot to foot. "Do you like my dress, Calcifer?" I asked nervously even though I didn't have any reason to.

If there was someone who should be nervous, it should be him because he was asking for a divorce. 

He blinked a couple of times as if he was mesmerized. 

"Y-Yes, pumpkin," he muttered under his breath. And as if reminded by something, he got on his feet and offered his arms. Anchoring myself on him, we both sauntered to the table. "I loved seeing you like this. It reminded me of the old days."

Back when we both tried to make this marriage work. Back to the time when he was also hopeful that love would blossom between us or was it only me being romantic? 

It would also be better if he loved me, not only my dress. 

"How do you like my preparations?" I  asked.

He smelled so manly. He was warm, contrary to what I was feeling inside. Cold and nervous. 

I clenched my fist.

Relax, Winter. 

Ynes watched us with admiration. The woman knew the real score between Calcifer and me, but she did not say anything about it. She was the type who would never say anything against her bosses and that was something I admired about her even if she did not sign a confidentiality agreement. I could keep any secrets to her. 

"Lovely, pumpkin," he whispered, but his voice was no longer happy. It felt like someone died from his family.  "I was not expecting any of this."

His happiness did not reach his eyes. 

He was no longer happy.

I need to let him go. For good.

The mere fact that he never remembered our second anniversary was already telling something about us. 

All I did was put him into misery and for someone who loved Calcifer, I did not want him to suffer. I want him to spread his wings and be with someone whom he really loves, even if it hurts me so much. 

I was to blame. 

"Thank you," I said.

Pulling one chair opposite to him, he offered it to me, but I shook my head and requested, "Can I sit beside you?"

"Why?"

"I always sit opposite to you. This time, I want to sit next to you." For one last time.

"If that's what you wish. But I cannot see your lovely face."

Much better so that you could not see the sadness in my eyes.

"That's fine."

"If that's what you wish." He pulled the chair next to me and I sat.

"I hope everything is to your liking. I prefer it, especially for you. Everything is your favorite." 

The food was all delicious. There was no doubt about that, but I could not stomach eating them. Not that I was waiting for good news. 

I wonder when he will drop the bomb?

"What's the occasion again? This is so hasty?" Calcifer muttered and hid his nervousness through his laugh.

I looked down at my hands. "You forgot."

We also need to celebrate your freedom away from me. From our family. You've been unhappy because of that. Leaving the woman whom you loved. Her name was Carmela, right? She was your ultimate love and the two of you broke up when father asked you to marry me.

I saw her call Calcifer one evening. Secretly. And seeing I was already asleep, he got out of bed and answered the call with no idea what the two had talked about.

"What did I forget?"

I smiled sadly. 

"Nothing special," I answered. If he had forgotten about it, then there was no way that I would remind him. 

Removing the cork from the bottle, I poured wine on his  glass.

"You can leave us for once, Ynes. I will call you when I need you," I ordered. 

Ynes bowed and left silently leaving Calcifer and me in the dining area. I did not want an audience while Calcifer shoved the divorce paper in me. 

I did not want anyone to witness my pathetic side. 

"Thank you, pumpkin."

I put the wine next to me, but returning the favor, he poured wine into my glass. 

Calcifer started eating with gusto. Based on my observation, he liked all the foods I prepared for him.

Sensing I was only watching him, he asked, "You're not eating anything?"

"I am full. Seeing you eat already makes my stomach full."

Calcifer laughed. "This is so unlike you, pumpkin. You're usually—" he trailed off and looked at me. Then back to his food. "My apologies."

"Staying in my room? Yes. I did that. What else have you observed in me these past few months?" I finished his words. 

He was silent for a moment, before he mumbled, "N-Nothing else. I became busy after."

"Busy for what?" 

For taking care of the divorce? When did the copy finally arrive in your hand? Above all, how could you do this to me, Calcifer?  I wanted to ask them myself, but cowardice got ahead of me.

The only mistake that I made was to get drowned by my own fear and sadness and refusing to see the world, but now that I was on my feet again, you will have to leave me? How unfair could you be?

"Company. Our company is back to its full potential. I also met a lot of investors to invest in the company. The company that we owned is stable now."

The Petersons were known for their real-estate company named Redshark and based on what I had known so far, they were one of the best known companies in the country. Plus the agents at Redshark agents receive a salary rather than working a hundred percent commission which was beneficial to the people who buy and sell at Redshark.

"That's good. I'm happy for you." 

Maybe that was why he never needed me. He could stand on his own now that their company was back at the top. He was now tossing me away. 

Calcifer scooped some carrots on his plate and put the spoon in my mouth. He knew carrots were one of my favorites. And without being forced to, I opened my mouth and ate what was offered to me.

Calcifer was one of the best men I could ever ask for a husband. He always took care of me. When I was beside him, he did not make me feel that he was only using me for his own benefits. When I was around him, I felt like a real woman worthy to be loved and invested.

But I was wrong. He was only doing this for his benefit.  Because if he was not, then he would never leave me. 

My eyes simmered and I had to look away. Calcifer will know that I already had an idea what he would say. The envelope was there in the vacant seat. 

Marriage certificate my foot. Why was he prolonging my agony? Why could he not say it directly that he wanted to divorce me?

"You're not eating anything, pumpkin. You're getting skinnier than ever. That's not good for you." At least his concerns were genuine.

"Seeing you makes me full," I answered. "I am fine."

He looked at me with a stern expression. The same expression I saw from Father. 

"Pumpkin. You should take care of yourself. What if—"

"Why don't you do it for me? You're my husband. I won't get sick if you're always with me."

He groaned. "I cannot do that. I won't always be around."

My heart clenched. This was it, right? He was going to tell me that he would be leaving me soon and that I had to live my life to the fullest.

"Why? Are you leaving me now, Calcifer? Are you leaving for good?"