Chapter 4: Uninterested.

Thinking back to this moment in time made me wonder why we never had cameras in the house, or someone in the family who loved photography or videography enough to capture Nathan’s moments. Well, he had plenty of other memories, but not the kind that were recorded.

Jack helped Nathan up to his room after the whole drama because he was drunk and couldn’t get up on his own.

“Jake, why aren’t we like Jay? So Dad would be proud of us,” Nathan said, still leaning heavily on Jake’s arm.

“Shh, shh. No talking. Just get some sleep,” Jake said, making space on his bed—since it was cluttered with scattered things—and gently laying him down.

Nathan called Jake’s attention to pass the bin. Jake quickly did so, and Nathan puked into it.

“It’s okay, let it all out,” Jake said, tapping his back softly. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

When Nathan was done, Jake tossed the bin aside. “Take some water, it’ll help you feel better.” He gave Nathan a glass, and after he had drunk enough, Jake set the cup down. He helped Nathan pull off his damp clothes, tucked him into bed, and stayed with him for a while.

Meanwhile, my younger self was in our room, questioning his own actions and decisions. Poor guy—he really felt bad, and it was only going to get worse. I wish I’d known this then.

----

I barely had any sleep last night—I couldn’t. And when I finally did, it was only after the loud voices and thoughts in my head calmed down a little.

I went for a morning jog, hoping to feel better, and I did. I stopped to stare at the waters over the bridge for a while before heading back home.

In the kitchen, I went to make some coffee and found Nathan sitting on the counter with his laptop.

“Good morning,” I said. No reply. He was still in his pajamas with headphones around his neck.

I turned to the cabinet, searching for coffee beans but couldn’t find them.

“Um, please, where can I find the coffee beans?” I asked Nathan. Still no reply. I leaned over to see what he was doing—he had slipped his headphones over his ears.

“Sigh. Check the cupboard to your left, you’ll find it there,” Mom said as she walked in.

“Thanks, Mom.”

She went to Nathan and touched his shoulder. “Good morning, Nathan,” she said softly.

“Morning, Sara,” he replied.

Ouch. That stung—him replying to her and ignoring me.

I made coffee for myself, Mom, and Nathan.

“Here you go,” I said, handing one to Mom and passing the other to Nathan.

“Thanks, honey,” Mom smiled.

“I’ve had one already,” Nathan said, eyes fixed on his screen.

I couldn’t help but feel annoyed. “Okay then.” I pulled the cup back. “More for me, I guess.”

“You know what, Jay, you should go along with Nathan to Emily’s playdate,” Mom suggested.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Sara,” Nathan said immediately.

“Yeah, Mom,” I agreed. I didn’t like how it felt like she was trying to set us up.

“I insist. Don’t worry, you guys will love it. It’ll be like old times.” She gave us both a pitiful look. “Please, do it for me, guys.”

“Fine. Don’t be late, Jay,” Nathan said, packing up his things and leaving.

“What the hell, Mom?” I muttered.

She just picked up her coffee and hurried out, leaving me even more annoyed.

I went up to my room and started getting ready for the playdate when Iris called.

“Hey, Bee,” I said.

“Are you shirtless?” she asked.

“Yes, I am.”

“Put on a shirt, dude. I’m not Luke.”

“Oh, please. You’re the one who called when I was dressing. You should be the one covering your eyes to talk to me, not the other way around.”

She rolled her eyes at me. “Whatever. Where are you going?”

“To a playdate with Em and Nathan.”

“Woo… Nathan? Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” I gave her a I see what you’re doing look. “Just stop it, Iris.”

“Okay. So are you guys like besties again or what? ’Cause last I checked, he hates you, and I’m sure enemies don’t go on playdates together.”

“Firstly, we are not enemies.”

“Mm-hmm.” Iris smirked.

“And secondly, Mom set us up,” I concluded.

“Oh. Yeah. Should I come pick you up? Say the word and I’ll be there in a twinkle of an eye,” she teased.

“Yeah, I’ll pack my bags and we’ll be on our way,” I said sarcastically.

“Be on your way where?” Emily asked.

“Oh—nowhere, Em. I had no idea you came in.” I must have left my door open.

“Are you leaving?” she asked, her face turning sad.

“Oh no, I’m not leaving. I promise. I was just joking around with Iris. Here, see for yourself.” I held the phone out to her.

“He’s right, Emily,” Iris assured.

“Okay.” Emily nodded. “Iris, when will you come over?”

Iris laughed softly. “Soon, Gummy Bear.”

Emily practically wanted all the family members around her. She was five, but she knew what she wanted.

“Emily!” Nathan’s voice called out before he stepped into my room.

“Yes?”

“We have to go,” he said.

“Okay. Bye, Iris.”

“Bye, Emily.”

Emily walked out with Nathan. He gave me a glance before leaving.

“Oh my God—did Nathan just see you shirtless?” Iris asked, freaking out.

“Okay, this is where our call ends. Bye.”

“No, no, no, do not cut the—”

I cut the call before her last words. It wasn’t anything personal—we did that to each other all the time.

But it did actually make me realize… he did see me shirtless. Not that it meant anything. It’s not like we didn’t used to share a bathroom when we were younger. I know—it’s totally different now. But I prefer to think that way.

I quickly dressed, finished up, and headed downstairs. We were already late, so I just grabbed an apple and went out.

“Have a nice day, honey!” Mom shouted after me as I ran out.

We arrived at the location right on time, surprisingly. It felt weird coming to something like this with Nathan.

A little boy ran straight up to Emily the moment we walked in.

“Hi, Emily,” he said, blushing.

Hmm. Looks like someone’s got a crush on Emily.

“Hi, Charlie,” she replied.

“Your brother changed his hair color again. Why?”

“This isn’t Jake. It’s Jay—Jake’s twin brother. The one I told you about.”

Wow. She had spoken about me. I felt on top of the world.

“Hi, Mr. Jay,” Charlie said, waving at me.

“Hello, Charlie. Nice to meet you,” I chuckled.

“Do you want to play Freeze Dance?”

“Yes, I do.” He grabbed Emily’s hand and they walked off to the game section together.

How cute.

Nathan went off on his own. I stayed close to where Emily was, looking after her for hours. At some point, I even joined in some of the parent-participation games with her—apparently every other child had come with their parents, not siblings.

After a while, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I spotted a fast-food truck and ordered burgers and smoothies.

“Please, two burgers—one pickle-free—and with that, one fries and three smoothies,” I said.

I wanted to get something for Nathan, even if he might not accept it. Nathan hated pickles, and Emily had reactions to almost everything, so she wasn’t allowed to eat just anything. Fries were one of the few safe things for her.

“Seriously? Again with the hair-color changing? I mean, this color looks nice on you, but you really need to stop changing it every month,” the lady at the counter said.

She must have thought I was Jake.

“This is my original hair color,” I said.

“Okay, Jake. Since when do you have an original hair color? And what’s with the nice-guy act?”

I was right. She thought I was him.

“Sorry. I’m Jay, not Jake.”

“Ha ha, Jake, stop with the pretense. It doesn’t suit you.”

“No, I’m serious. I’m Jay—Jake’s twin brother.”

“Oh, shit. You’re serious?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. I didn’t know Jake had a twin brother.”

“It’s fine. Apparently, no one does.”

The atmosphere turned awkward for a moment.

“My order,” I said, glancing at her badge. “Dinah. Cool name.”

“How did you know my name if you’re not Jake?”

I pointed to the badge.

“Oh. Of course. Yeah, yeah.”

In no time, my order was ready.

“Thanks, Dinah.”

She nodded back.

I returned to the kids’ playing centre and found Nathan sitting around where I had been earlier.

I handed him a burger, hoping he would accept it.

“Could you stop the act?” he said, looking at the burger, then back at me.

“Stop what act?”

“All this… I didn’t ask you to get me anything.”

“Sorry for trying to be nice.” I shoved the burger back into the bag.

“Nice, my ass.”

“Look, Nathan, I’m trying to meet you halfway here. Quit behaving like the world revolves around you.”

“Jay, I don’t remember asking you to try and work things out. I’m not interested. You left, and there’s no going back from that.”

“Geez, Nathan, when will you get over that? You weren’t the only one I left, for God’s sake.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I wasn’t the only one you left.”

“Then stop all this and quit making life harder for both of us. I didn’t come here for you, and I wouldn’t have ever come back if not for Em.”

“Oh, okay. I hear you. Well, when all this is over, kindly return to the hellhole you came from.”

He said that and walked out, clearly pissed off. I was too. I shouldn’t have said what I said though. I had just made things worse.