The wolf is gone

POV - Thessara*

I looked at my hands, they were human hands, it was soft and pale and wrong. These were not mine. My hands had claws. They could tear through steel, these weak things belonged to someone else.

"Lyria," I said quietly. I called for my spirit wolf like I had done for centuries. "Lyria, where are you?" There was silence. Complete silence where she should be. The connection that had been my lifeline was gone. It was cut off like it never existed.

I put my palms to my temples. I tried to reach deeper. Past human thoughts. Past the memories of this body called Claire. "Please. I know you are there." But she was not there. The space where my wolf lived was empty. It was hollow. It was a wound that would not stop bleeding.

I got to my feet. The movement felt clumsy. This human body was so weak. So breakable. I closed my eyes. I reached for the feeling of shifting. Bones are getting longer. Muscles getting bigger. The beautiful pain of transformation. Nothing happened.

I tried harder. I focused until sweat ran down my face. I willed my body to change. To become what I really was. The human form stayed human. No matter how hard I pushed. No matter how desperately I needed it to work.

"No." The word came out like a sob. "This is not real." But it was real. I could feel it in every cell. The moon goddess had done what she threatened. She had stripped me of everything that made me who I was. I was not Thessara anymore. I was just Claire. A human woman with no pack. No strength. No wolf.

The phantom pain started then. It was deep and aching where Lyria should be. Like losing a limb. Like having part of my soul carved out. I doubled over. I held my chest. The pain was so bad I could not breathe. This was worse than death.

"Claire?" Dr. Kieran's voice came from behind me. He sounded worried. "Are you okay?" I turned around. He stood in the doorway. His dark eyes were full of concern. And something else that made this borrowed heart skip.

"I am fine," I lied. My voice shook. But I was not fine. I was broken. Incomplete. A shadow pretending to be a person. "You do not look fine." He stepped closer. "You are shaking." His scent hit me. Woodsmoke and pine. It should have meant nothing. I was human now. But somehow it still affected me. It made something flutter in my chest.

I hated it. This weakness. This pull toward him I could not explain. "Do not touch me." I stepped back. I hit the wall. "You do not understand. I am not what you think." How could I explain? That I was not Claire. That I was an alpha wolf trapped in human flesh. I could not. He would think I was crazy.

"Breathe," Kieran said softly. "Just breathe with me." He showed me how. Slow deep breaths. Despite myself I matched his rhythm. The panic pulled back. "Can you tell me what is wrong?" Everything was wrong. But I could not say that.

"I feel lost," I said. "Like I have lost something I cannot live without." The moon goddess had taken everything. My wolf. My pack. My identity. "The amnesia is hard," Kieran said. "But it will get better." Memory. That was the human explanation. If only it were that simple.

"What if it does not?" I asked. "What if I never remember who I am supposed to be?" I would never be Thessara again. That life was over. "Then we will figure it out together," he said. He was kind and certain. "You do not have to do this alone."

Why was he being nice? I was a stranger with no memory. I should have been suspicious. Instead I wanted to trust him. To lean on his strength. It was pathetic. I had been the strongest wolf in my pack. Now I needed a human to hold me up.

"I need to test something," I said suddenly. I walked to the wall. I pulled back my fist. I hit it into stone as hard as I could. Pain exploded through my hand. It was sharp and overwhelming. I cried out. Blood came from split knuckles.

"Claire!" Kieran was beside me instantly. "What were you thinking?" He grabbed my hand. He looked at it gently. "You could have broken bones." "I should have punched through it," I said. The words sounded crazy. "I should have been able to break through without feeling it."

"Why would you think that?" He stared at me. He looked confused. "You are human Claire. Human bodies are not that strong." Human bodies are not that strong. The words hit like a blow. Because he was right. This body was nothing like what I used to be. I could not run for hours. I could not hear heartbeats from across rooms. I could not sense emotions through scent. I was trapped in flesh that felt like a prison.

"Let me bandage this." Kieran led me to the medical bed. His touch was careful. When his fingers brushed my wrist I felt that flutter again. I let him clean the wounds. Wrap gauze around my knuckles. His hands were warm. Steady.

"You have delicate hands," he said quietly. "Even though they hurt , they are beautiful." They used to end in claws that could tear flesh. Now they were just human hands. Weak and useless. "I do not feel beautiful," I said. "I feel broken."

"Memory loss can feel like that," he said gently. "Like losing who you are. But you are still you underneath." The important parts were gone though. They were ripped away by divine punishment. "What if I am not the person I used to be?" I asked.

"Then you become someone new." Kieran finished the bandage. He looked up with those dark eyes. "Sometimes that is not a bad thing." Someone new. The idea sparked something small in my chest. I hope so. "I do not know how to be someone else," I admitted. "I feel lost. Like I do not belong anywhere."

"You belong here," Kieran said quietly. "With me. If you want to." The offer hung between us. Why would he want me? A stranger with no past. Someone who punched walls and cried for no reason. "I do not know what I want," I said. "I do not know anything anymore."

"That is okay." Kieran touched my cheek. It was gentle as a feather. "We will figure it out together." His kindness was going to break me. Make me cry again. The tears came anyway. Hot and unstoppable. For Lyria. For my pack. For the life stolen from me. Great sobs that shook my whole body.

I had never cried as Thessara. Alphas did not cry. But I was not Thessara anymore. I was Claire. Fragile Claire who cried like her heart was breaking. Because it was breaking. "It is okay," Kieran whispered. "Let it out."

He pulled me against his chest. He held me while I fell apart. His arms were strong. Protective. His heartbeat was steady against my ear. I should have pulled away. Instead I held onto him. I let his warmth chase away some of the emptiness.

"I have got you," he said into my hair. "I have got you Claire." He said the name like it meant something. Like it belonged to someone worth saving. It should have felt wrong. Instead it felt like a lifeline. Like maybe in this borrowed body I could find something worth keeping.

I fell into his embrace. I let him whisper reassurances I could not believe but needed to hear. The moon goddess had taken everything. But in Kieran's arms I felt something unexpected. Something I thought was gone forever. Hope.