Stupid man

I didn’t. I looked like several kinds of animal excrement. My eyes were permanently swollen from crying so fúcking much, the black dress I wore beneath my silly coat was ill-fitting because I hadn’t been eating much and my hair was in desperate need of a wash.

Yet Jack was complimenting me.

For a moment I could only gape at him, wondering what alternate universe I’d stepped into. Shaking my head, I moved forward as the person in front of me did, and Jack moved, too. I could smell his familiar cologne and I thought about covering my nose, or simply turning away and forgoing my lunch.

“So…how does it feel, being Sofia Lopez again?” Jack was saying. When I didn’t answer, he said in a rush, “Things ended horribly. You deserved so much more and I wasn’t it. I’ve been trying to get the courage to call you, tell you how sorry I am but every time I punch your number in, I end up putting the phone down.”

“What do you want from me?” My voice was quiet, unwavering. I couldn’t look athim but at least I could talk.

“I apologise, Sofia. I am so, so sorry for everything,” was his fervent response.

“You can’t say it, can you?” I tried to swallow past the ball that had suddenly wedged itself in my throat. “What you did over the years? You can’t say it.”

“I hurt and humiliated you. It wasn’t anything you did – you have to understand – it was all me.” He paused, and I could feel him willing me to look at him – so I did. “I’ve known I was attracted to other men for years. Since university. I tried to fight it, to pretend I was a something I wasn’t. You were beautiful and naïve and I thought if I married you, no one would question my sexuality.” His eyes were glassy and I was horrified to realise that he was on the verge of tears. Jack. Jack Harrington was going to cry in line at Mickey D’s. “Then when we found out that I can’t have children… I was leading a double life and I’m sorry you wasted a decade on me because of my selfishness.”

The tears were welling now but they weren’t sad or angry ones for what had happened or what I could have had. I felt…relieved, like a weight had been lifted off my chest – because I, Sofia Lopez, was having an epiphany in a crowded fast food restaurant.

I didn’t want to waste another ten years of my life wondering and hoping and wishing. Jack had been in denial about who he loved…and so was I.

“I have to go,” I burst out, startling Jack.

“But you haven’t had your lunch, Sofia. I was hoping we could –”

“No,” I said, shaking my head, “there’s someone I have to talk to.”

“Is it…young Parker?”

I had just given my place up in line and was already making my way towards the door. A blush crept up my neck. Young Parker. Jack just had to remind me of that, didn’t he?

“Here, Sofia,” he called, and I turned to look at him. He was holding his bag outfor me. “You should eat something. I can see your cheekbones. You looked prettier with more meat on you.”

Surprised laughter left my lips and I took the proffered olive branch. “Thanks, Jack. Have a nice life.” We would never be best friends and I hoped I’d never bump into him again, but it was obvious that he’d changed – that we’d both changed.

He smiled back at me. “You, too. I really do want that for you, Sofia. I want you to be happy. You deserve it.”

And maybe he did, but ten seconds after saying goodbye to him, I started feeling absolutely silly for just about hinting to my ex-husband that I was chasing after a younger man. Shoulders sagging, I shuffled back into the front room of the garage, peeking into the bag of what would have been Jack’s lunch: A large Big Mac and chips. My mouth watered.

“Ah, there she is.” Nick’s voice cut through the thick cloud of fast food and desperation that was surrounding me.

I looked up, intent on issuing a sincere apology for taking an early lunch. The words died on my lips. My mouth went dry, my breathing shallow. I couldn’t get my fingers to work, so my burger fell to the concrete ground, golden chips escaping from the bag.

I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again. Not a hallucination brought on by hunger. Not a daydream in the office.

Nick was standing at my desk with Vaughn.

“Well…this is awkward,” Nick was saying, after looking at the mess on the floor. He flushed, running his hands through his messy brown hair. “I, ah, know Vaughn, you see. He’s friends with my baby brother. Dani doesn’t know so… This is awkward.”

Blood rushed through my eardrums. I could barely make out what he was saying.

“Um, we don’t have any Michelin tyres in stock, Sofia, do we?” he went on, ignoring the fact that I’d just dropped my lunch and gone motionless. “Sixteen-inch ones,for Harleys? None of the guys can find any in the stockroom.”