Chapter 44: The Weight of a Secret-2

Selin POV 

I went to the east wing, where the guest rooms were quieter, and I sat by the window and I looked at the phone. I had one contact on this phone. Louve's number. But I had memorized the other one. Without meaning to, the way you memorize things you're not supposed to want. I stared at the phone for a very long time. Then I opened a message thread and typed a number in manually.

I'm at the estate. I know you know that. I know who you are now, or at least who your brother is, which probably amounts to the same thing. And maybe I need you… 

I paused. Then, looked at what I'd written. Then kept going.

I'm not going to pretend that doesn't complicate things. It clearly does. But someone tried to kill me in my apartment, and before that you sat with me in the dark of a stuck lift and you weren't strange about it, which given the circumstances is something I keep thinking about more than I should. I'm not asking you to come here. I know that's not simple. I just wanted to say that I know who you are now. And it doesn't change the part where you carried me out of danger when you didn't have to.

I looked at the message. Then I sent it before I could talk myself out of it. The phone sat in my hand for about thirty seconds. Then it buzzed.

I opened the reply.

I've been parked outside the east gate for the past four hours.

I stared at that sentence. I blinked twice.

I'm not waiting to come in, his next message said. I understand the situation. Just wanted to be close enough that if something happened, it wouldn't take me twenty minutes to get there.

Something ridiculous was happening in my chest. I pressed my palm flat against my sternum as if that would help.

Another message popped in. I click on it open.

I'm glad you're alright.

Then another: For what it's worth. The complication you're worried about. My brother is currently inside your best friend's family home working on something that was probably inevitable anyway. The borders between our worlds were already dissolving before either of us had anything to do with it.

I read that twice.

Then: So if you want to keep pretending this is complicated, I understand. But if you want to stop pretending, I'm right outside the gate.

I looked at the message for a long time. Then I put the phone in my pocket and stood up.

I told myself I was going for a walk. I needed some fresh air. A reasonable break from the intensity of the inside of the mansion. A person needed to breathe occasionally. There was nothing significant about the direction I chose. The east gate was very small. The two wolves standing guard watched me approach without particular concern. I had passed through this gate with Petra twice before. My face was known to them.

I stepped outside.

The path was gravel and old stone, cut into the edge of the forest. The air was cold against my skim. The morning had gone grey, the clouds building from the north, and the trees were heavy with recent rain. About thirty meters down the path, leaning against the stone wall with his hands in the pockets of a dark jacket that had clearly not been chosen for this weather.

Austin.

He looked up when he heard my footsteps. His expression, for one unguarded moment, was the one I had seen in the apartment, that completely ungoverned thing he wasn't quite able to contain. Then it settled into something quieter.

"You came out," he said. He said while straightening his position.

"You said you were outside the gate," I replied.

"I said you could pretend it was complicated." He added.

"I'm not pretending anything," I said. "I'm standing in the cold outside a wolf estate I've been living in for three weeks talking to a man whose brother is currently inside working with the family that used to be his rival and I'm trying to figure out what the correct response to all of this is."

He was quiet for a moment.

"Have you figured it out?" he asked.

"Not even slightly," I said.

A faint smile escaped his lips.

"Would it help," he said, "if I told you that from where I'm standing, the only complicated part is whether you're going to let me be in your life in a way that reflects what this actually is?"

My heart skipped a beat at that moment. I looked at him.

"And what is this actually?" I asked. Trying to pretend like I didn't know what he was about to open up to.

He held my gaze. Which was steady and direct. The way he always was. There was no performance, no softening, just the true thing presented cleanly.

"You tell me," he said.

I stood in the cold for a moment. My hands folded close to my chest. The wind moved through the trees. Far away, inside the estate, voices carried faintly.

"I don't fall for people," I said. "Not easily. Not quickly. Not without a significant amount of resistance." I said, while sliding a side of my hair to the side.

"I know," he said. "I've watched you."

"And you still…"

"Yes," he said simply.

I exhaled.

"This is going to make everything significantly more complicated," I said.

"Probably," he agreed.

"You know that."

"Yes," he answered.

"And you're still…"

"Selin." His voice was quiet. "I drove four hours to return a shopping bag because I couldn't make myself drive away. I sat outside a gate at five in the morning because I needed to be close enough to respond if something went wrong. I have been remarkably patient given the circumstances." He met my eyes. "I am not going to stop being patient. But I would like you to stop looking for reasons to make me."

The silence that followed was not uncomfortable. It was the kind of silence that happens when something has been decided.

"Okay," I said finally.

He looked at me carefully. "Okay?"

"Okay," I repeated. "You can stop pretending you're just someone who happened to be in the area. And I'll stop pretending I came out here for the air."

Something released in his expression. Just slightly. Just enough. He pushed off the wall and came to stand beside me, close enough that his shoulder was near mine. Not touching. Just near.

"What happens now?" I asked.

"Now," he said, "I think we go back inside. Because everything is about to get very loud and you're going to want to be where Louve is."

I looked at him sideways.

"You know what's happening in there?"

"I know my brother is in there," he said. "Which means something significant is either happening or about to happen. That's usually how it goes with Lynx."

I looked at the estate wall.

"Come in," I said.

He blinked.

"The gate's right there," I said. "I'll vouch for you. It'll be fine." I paused. "Probably."

He looked at me for a moment. Then, quietly: "That's either the best or worst idea you've had."

"Historically, those categories overlap for me," I replied with a laugh.

And we walked back to the gate together.