Chapter 9

Max

Sitting in church I want to strangle someone. My luck has been so shitty lately that I don't know what to make of today's circumstances. Once again, I am surrounded by thoughts of Shawna, and that is beginning to be a major problem.

"So basically, this asshole slashed her goddamn tires and we need to find the fucker."

"Why the hell are we protecting her anyways. It's just some shmuck she's dating. Not our problem Austin."

Austin gives me a death glare and I fight from jumping out of this chair, getting on my bike and taking off. Lately it has been the only thing that can help with all these flashbacks and nightmares.

"Because, whoever the hell slashed her tires and busted out her windshield, was after you." I sit up straight afraid I must have heard him wrong.

"What did you just say?"

Everyone behind me looks around and Austin pulls out a small notecard from his cut and hands it to me. I grab it and look it over, my anger getting the better of me more and more as I reread it over and over again.

"What's it say?" Bone calls out losing his patience.

"He won't be able to save you once I have my hands on you." I say then crumble it up and toss it over to Bone.

"Who the fuck would threaten someone to get to us?" Chance yells out, sounding as angry as I feel.

I look around the room and each of my bothers looks ready to go to battle.

"Whoever this person is, I think they intended for Max to see it." I look over to Torque wondering what the hell is talking about.

"What do you mean?"

"It's meant to scare Shawna, but everyone who's anyone knows you guys aren't together anymore and haven't been for some time. Even if they recently started to track her whereabouts, they would never assume you two have been together."

"You trying to say they aren't talking about Max?" Austin chimes in.

"No. I'm saying whoever it is, they had to have known you and Shawna back then or at least know you would come to her rescue. She isn't safe here Austin."

"This is the safest place for her." Austin replies and I close my eyes with realization. Torque is right.

"No, no it's not Austin." Once again Austin looks over to me, along with everyone else. "If this was their game plan, then we are falling right in their trap. Bringing her here was predictable. It was what someone would expect. We need to find somewhere else for her."

"Also need to find out who the hell set me up." Dipp calls out and the brothers nods their head in agreement.

"Agreed. I'm sick of being on the defense. Let's start asking some questions around. Dipp, you find anything out while being in there?" Austin begins taking control.

"Just that everyone on the inside was surprised to see me in there. Especially on my charges."

"Tell me you tried to talk to people about why they would think this club would be in the business again." Bone says while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Didn't you hear me fucker? I said they were surprised to see me there."

"That was our only shot at talking to the people on the inside. Are you fucking daft?"

"No fucker, but I'll make you daft if you keep questioning me."

"Will you two shut the fuck up already?" Lucky shouts.

"Fuck you!" They both yell back.

I close my eyes at the loud noises and shouting. Images appear in my mind of the day everything went wrong.

Loud guns

A large deafening blast.

The sound of gunfire echoing around me.

The bodies.

The bodies.

So much blood.

I stand up and march out of there as I hear Austin trying to reel everybody back in line. My mind is in twenty different worlds but my body is leading me right to her and my heart is telling me it's the right thing to do. Even if it is stupid.

"You're with me." I practically yell out at Shawna when I reach her and Candice sitting there with about ten empty shot glasses in between them.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"I don't think I did. There is no way in hell I am going anywhere with you."

"I meant you're staying at my house Shawna." I cross my arms and she smirks at me. The brat.

"Oh okay, in the case, yeah, fuck no. Are you smoking? Why in the hell would you think that is a good idea? I thought your guy's church meetings were supposed to solve problems, not create them." This time I'm the one that smirks at her crass while Candice sits there sipping though a goddamn straw, eyes bouncing between the both of us.

Glad we're amusing you Candy.

"It was the safest option. I need to be able to keep an eye on you." I hate that I am lying to her, but I need to know she is safe and I know they are still in there trying to figure out where to put her. I won't let some asshole keep an eye on her and then have something happen to her. Too much shit can happen. But if she is with me, I can keep her safe.

"You've got to be kidding me?"

"No. I'm not Shawna. Now get your ass off the barstool and on the back of my bike. I'm going to take you to get your shit at your place, then head straight over. The sooner I can get you settled the better. For all we know, that fucker is watching the compound.

"Fine." Shawna says then stands. She swerves a little from the amount of alcohol that has entered her body and when I grab hold of her to steady her, I immediately regret it.

Her skin feels soft to touch and memories of us lying in bed together, talking about our future while she her fingers softly graced my face or arms comes roaring back to me. I look at her face and see some heat to her cheeks. I can tell she is thinking of all the times our skin has touched and how long it has been. I miss it, I miss her, but I know we could never go back to who we were. Not with the broken heart she left me with.

I clear my throat and take a step back. "You ready?" We need to get moving before Austin realizes I didn't just come out here to take a breather.

"Yes. Thank Austin for me please Candy."

"You betcha." Candy says winking at us. I roll my eyes and fight the smile my lips are desperate to form.

Shawna trails right behind me as we exit the compound and head to my bike. The two prospects we have, take a look over at us then open the gate for us to exit. I hop on and start her up, then look back to see what is taking Shawna so long.

Shawna's eyes are hazy as she takes in me on the bike then looks down when she sees me noticing. It's bringing her back, being on my bike. I wish I could make all the pain and anger we have for each other disappear but I'm not a fuckin' magician. Nothing I do can ever fix what was said that night.

"You getting' on or what? We need to go." I ask as I hold out a helmet for her.

Expecting a bitch fest or some sort of witty remark, I'm surprised when she simply grabs the helmet, gets on the bike the way I taught her years ago, and holds onto my waist tightly.

Shawna always loved riding. After we made love, she would ask if we could take a ride. She was also always interested to hear about whatever new bike I happen to be fixing up. She loved the life, the club, she loved riding. I just wish she would have had enough love left over for me.

We zoom out of the compound without a backwards glance. I know I shouldn't have done what I did, and I'm already expecting a huge turnabout from Austin, but I truly believe this is the best place for her to be. No one knows where I live, only a handful of people, and this way I can keep her safe myself. After seeing what happened to Candice last year, the last thing I want is to have something happen to Shawna.

We arrive not fifteen minutes later at my place. I need to get my truck if we plan on going to her apartment and getting her stuff. I don't know when she works next but that's something we have to figure out too. Austin mentioned she was at her studio when he came and fucked with her car but that doesn't make sense. That would mean she is working three jobs. Why the hell would she need to do that? There are a bucket list of things we need to talk about.

I turn off the ignition when we idle in my driveway and wait for her to get off first. Shawna hands me back the helmet and I put it inside my saddlebag. I stride over to the house but stop when I no longer feel her behind me. I turn around and see she is looking around the neighborhood like a kitten that just received a bowl of cold milk.

I had forgotten she never got to see the house I bought for us. For our future. She always wanted to live somewhere we can grow a family. Somewhere that when you turned the corner you immediately felt the neighborly vibe. This was the perfect house for us, I was just the only one that lived in it.

"You coming?" She snaps out of her dream state and walks over with me to the door.

I open the door and allow her in first. I know immediately what she is going to go to and when she heads straight for it, I do a mental fist bump that I still know my girl. Wait what? My girl?

"You actually got one of these?" She says chuckling but it sounds more crackled then normal. She's sad, that much I can tell, but she is trying to put on a brave front.

I walk around the record player and grab one of the many albums located right above it in the shelf I built. Shawna adores old classical music and she loves it even more when it is played on an old record payer. I bought this the day before I deployed because I wanted to surprise her with it, along with the house. She could practice here then go to the studio, but all that had changed when I came back home to lies and betrayal.

I stayed in my other house for a couple of weeks because I couldn't take facing her after what happened overseas, then by the time the house was one hundred percent ready, we had split up.

Pulling the album out of the cover and placing it on the turntable, I gentle touch the platter and pull the needle over to begin. Once Lubomyr Melnyk?Pockets of Light comes on, I take a glance at Shawna, who now has her eyes closed with a small smile gracing her face. Her body lightly sways back and forth as the song becomes louder. I am captured with her beauty as the entire song goes on before she opens her eyes again.

"I had forgotten about that song." I smirk then take the album of the turntable and place it back in the protective cover.

When Shawna and I first got together, I was enamored with her ability to dance. Although contemporary is more of her style for dancing, she always loved hearing an old classic and using her ballet skills for that. I briefly wonder if she is still teaching children or has added to her class to adults like she originally wanted.

"Guest Bedroom is this way." I say as I head down the hall. Having her here is fucking with my head and I need to keep my distance. I knew bringing her here would mess me up but that was before I saw the way her eyes lit up at each and every item I added in here, meant to be for her.

"We'll go and get your stuff and you can sleep in here. I'd pack for a few days until the club can figure this shit out." Shawna moves past me to walk into the room. I had originally had this room painted a light gray but it reminded me too much of our plans of starting a family, so I had it painted with a light green instead. Mom came in and decorated it to look more like a guest bedroom and I have never been more glad for that. I don't know what I would do if we were both starring into this room, knowing damn well it could have been a nursery by now.

"Why did you do all this?"

"Keep you safe." I answer her immediately. That's not what she is referring to, and I know that. Shawna turns around crossing her arms and smirks at me. She knows me too well.

"That's not what I was talking about and you know it. Why did you get all the things you and I talked about, if you never planned on staying together?"

"Because I bought this house before we split."

"What?" She turns to me half way into the room.

"Nothing, let's just get going."

"No Max. This can't work, you and me living together, if you are going to be secretive. Or a dick." I cross my arms and look at the wall with a picture hung of a rainforest.

"I wanted to surprise you when I came back home. Thought I would get everything together and have it perfect for you. It just didn't work out that way. I had already invested and didn't really want to look for another house, so I kept it and lived in it. I couldn't remove the stuff I had done up. I needed something to remind me of the good times."

I look over at Shawna and see her eyes are downcast. I didn't mean to make her feel guilty, just telling her the truth. She broke me that night, but I won't write off the entire relationship. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and I wanted my house to continue to reflect that.

"I'm going to get my jacket, then we can get going." I turn and head to my room, leaving her standing there speechless.

I take my cut off and lay it on my bed. I don't want anyone seeing us together when we go and retrieve her stuff and assuming she is with the MC once again. I grab my jacket from my closet and sit down after putting it on. My thoughts are conflicting as I try and figure everything out. Someone is out to frame the MC with drug charges, someone is threatening Shawna because of me, and lastly, someone is going to the cops and asking around about us. Nothing is making sense.

Frustration meets me as I try to place each fact in order. I rub my temples with my fingers and that's when the images begin flowing through me one at a time.

Driving in the Humvee with my brothers

Jones telling us he sees something.

Matthews finding the doll

The blast.

The smell.

The screams.

I open my eyes and immediately head for my nightstand. I always put guns around my house just in case and I know where each one of them is at all times. One of them being in my nightstand.

I reach for it, pull the safety off and place it under my chin.

One single moment.

One time frame that can end the pain once and for all.

A gasp flows through the room and I look over to find Shawna standing between the door to my bedroom and the hallway. Her eyes have tears in them and her entire body is trembling. She walks slowly in the room, keeping one hand on the wall at all times, and stops just before my feet.

The gun remains under my chin as I stare into her deep crystal blue eyes. Tears flow down her cheeks as she moves her face down to meet mine. I close my eyes, hoping the images flowing freshly in my mind won't destroy either of us right now.

"Focus on me, Max. Only on me."

My open shoot open in panic when I see the gun I was once holding under my chin, is now pointed directly at Shawna's head. I am standing in place and my hand shakes as my vision becomes blurry. Shawna's small tears have turned into giant hiccups as he body shakes just as hard.

I quickly lower the gun, nearly dropping it on the floor. My heart feels as though it is going to explode at the mere thought of harming Shawna in such a way.

This is why.

This is why I had no choice but to leave.

I clutch my stomach and collapse, knees first onto the carpet. I feel empty, I feel lonely, as if I am a monster in my own flection. Tears flow down my cheeks and I want to tear them off my body for feeling even a small amount of sympathy. Guilt is the only emotion I should feel.

"I-I'm sorry Shawna. I am s-so sorry. Please" I can't even speak; my mind is going into a million different scenarios where I am sitting in the exact same spot only I am mere inches away from her lifeless body.

I could have fucking killed her!

Before my mind can go into a full blown panic attack, I suddenly feel arms around my chest. I look down and cradle her head closer to my body. I can feel shaking between us but can't figure out which of us are shaking.

It's both.

I hear her sobs loudly in the depth of soul and her silent whispers as she says the same thing over and over again. I close my eyes and imagine a world where we are simply together. No deep secrets, or regrets. No nightmares and haunted images. Just the two of us.

"You would never hurt me Max. You would never hurt me."

I wish that were true.