IV: Realization

-Kira-

The silence between us is deafening. We’re simply staring at each other, with neither of us knowing what to say - what just happened should not have happened. Arkyn should not have been the one to steal my first kiss. And yet… everything felt so right when he did.

“Kira? Are you in there, Printsessa?” my father’s voice sounds from the door again, and this seems to snap both of us out of whatever spell we were under. 

Arkyn blinks and walks to the door, opening it and smiling at my father. “Oh, Arkyn! I didn’t know you were here, son. Do you need a moment longer with Kira?” my father asks, oblivious to the fact that we just did the unthinkable.

“No, I think we’ve said all that needed to be said for now,” he says, then turns to me and briefly makes eye contact. “I’ll see you inside, Blue. There’s… something we need to discuss, but it can wait.”

“See… you,” I trail off when he walks out without waiting for my answer. He closes the door behind him, and I have no time to mull over what just happened between the two of us. Because my father is looking at me as if his heart is about to break.

His blue eyes are shining with unshed tears as he crosses his arms and places a hand over his mouth, staring at me. My heart constricts at the sight of this strong, powerful man being reduced to tears at the sight of me, and I can feel my bottom lip start to tremble.

“Please, Pappa, not you too!” I cry out, but this time I don’t even bother to salvage my makeup. My face crumples up, and an ugly sob escapes my throat just as my father walks over to me and wraps his arms around me.

I have always felt safe in his arms. He’s always been my guardian and protector, but now that role will fall to my mate. To be honest, I never thought I would ever be someone’s Luna since our Alpha’s firstborn always becomes the Alpha heir next in line. My father trained me to be an Alpha, to take over the role from him one day.

But now I’ll become a Luna and a means to keep the peace between two rival packs. 

“I can’t believe I’m losing you today,” my father’s voice shakes with emotion and all it does is make me cry harder. He breaks off our embrace and takes my face in both of his hands while wiping my tears away. “My little girl, all grown up and ready to leave her mark in the world. I am so damn proud of you, Kira.”

I vehemently shake my head. “Please don’t say you’re losing me; don’t ever say you’re losing me!” I murmur in a voice soaked in sadness. “I’ll always be your little girl, Pappa. I just won’t be a Volkova anymore.”

The mere thought of me not being a Volkova anymore wounds tightly around my heart and nearly leaves me breathless. I don’t want to be a Helseth; I don’t want to adopt another pack’s customs and leave my own behind. The BloodCrest pack has long stood strong above all others while the Helseths always remained second. 

How will the pack members treat me, knowing who my father is? I don’t know Adryan well enough to say he’ll treat me kindly, even though he’s been courting me since I was eighteen years old.

I see a flicker of anger in my father’s eyes and a growl rumbles in his chest “The fact that you won’t be a Volkova… that I’m handing you over to them….” my father trails off, clenching his jaw so tight that I can see the muscles bulging in his neck. But he lets out a sigh, then shakes his head.

“The Goddess would not have chosen Adryan if she did not believe in your Bond, so I will respect what she has chosen for you. Even if I hate it to my very core.”

I frown. “You don’t want this union, Pappa?”

“No. I do not trust Erik Helseth or his pack. They’ve long been wolves starved for the power we hold, and if I’ve learned anything, it’s that hungry wolves are never loyal.” He says, then takes a step back from me and crosses his arms. “If it were up to me, I would never have this union between the two of you, but unfortunately, it is not up to me.”

I don’t know what’s worse; that my father doesn’t want this union, or the fact that he doesn’t trust the pack I’m being given to. I have heard of my father’s exploits when he was younger, fighting in the Serbian Pack Wars and leading everyone to victory alongside Arkyn’s father, and fighting the Wolf God himself. 

His judgment I trust more than anything else in the world, and his revelation right now does very little to quell my already nervous deposition. Not only do I not feel the power of the Mate Bond with Adryan, but everything about being with him feels so wrong.

I know if I had to tell my father this, he would put a stop to this wedding and alliance. But I can’t do that; not when the peace between our packs rests with me.

Breathing out a sigh, I force a smile on my face and walk towards my father. “I know you only want what’s best for me, that you want to see me happy and flourishing under the Volkova name,” I start and take his hands in mine. “But I think we should trust in Goddess Tiarin and her choice for us.”

I hate saying those words. Hate repeating my mother’s mantra, but I know if I don’t, then my father will worry about me non-stop. He needs to be under the illusion that I want this, that I’m happy with a man I feel nothing for. After years of protecting me, I need to prove that I no longer need his protection.

My father sees my smile and returns it with one of his warm smiles that always cheers me up. “I would much rather see you with Arkyn than the Helseth boy, but since I am only a Wolf God and not a Moon Goddess, that is not my choice to make.”

Excuse me, what?