Chapter Eight

Yubi

Three weeks.

It has been three full weeks since that night I stood at the top of the stairs and watched Trey pull Kiari into the house like she belonged here. Three weeks since he said even a word to me. 

We have become strangers who live in the same house.

At breakfast, I sit at the opposite end of the table, and he sits across from me and we all eat like a family, not one word spoken between us. 

Our parents think we are being petty.

They don’t know there’s a wildfire spread between us, one we are both pretending isn’t burning everything in its path.

For a while, avoidance works.

For a while, I can pretend I’m moving on.

But the past few days something has definitely been wrong, at first I thought I was coming down with a bug, but then the symptoms get worse, the nausea, the food cravings.

At first, it was just mornings but it was getting worse. 

By week three, I can’t keep anything down not water, not tea, not even dry bread. My stomach turns at smells I used to love. Chicken. Sauteed onions. Even toothpaste don't even get me started on the exhaustion. 

I’m tired all the time, the kind of tired that clings to my bones. I nap in the afternoons, blink heavy eyed through dinner, and crawl into bed by nine. Some mornings, I wake up shaking, my body begging for rest, and the last straw now was my period, it was two days late. My period was never late, ever. 

“Are you okay, Yubi? Are you getting your iron? Should I schedule a checkup?” my mother asked a few days ago, I managed to dodge her questions.

“It’s probably a bug,” I say. “It’ll pass.”

But deep down, something cold and terrifying curls in my stomach each time I throw up.

Because I know. I know before I’m willing to admit it.

It’s on Thursday morning, it's quiet, warm, sunlight spilling through my bedroom curtains when I finally decide enough is enough.

I’m on the bathroom floor again, forehead pressed to the cold tiles, breathing through another wave of nausea. My vision swims. My head pounds.

This time, after heaving until my throat burns, I sit back against the wall and stare at myself in the mirror. I can’t keep lying to myself.

So I grab my bag, slip outside without anyone noticing, and walk to the small pharmacy down the block. I keep my eyes on the ground the whole time, as if the world can read my thoughts, as if people can somehow see the truth written across my face.

The test feels heavier than it should when the pharmacist places it in my hand.

I don’t even take a bag.

I just grip the box like a secret I wish I didn’t have to carry.

I walk home my whole body numb. As soon as I get back to my house, I lock my bedroom door. 

My hands shake so badly I struggle to open the box.

My breath comes fast and uneven.

“It’s okay,” I whisper to myself.

But it isn’t. I already know it isn’t. I am pregnant with my step brother's child. How did I let this happen to me? How could I have been so stupid? 

I read the instructions twice before I finally pee on the stick and set the timer. 

The longest three minutes of my life before I peak and see the two clear lines conforming my worst fear,I was pregnant. .

My chest tightens up and for a few seconds I can't breathe, tears stinging behind my eyes. I sit on the edge of my bed, the test trembling in my hand, my entire body shaking.

I’m pregnant. 

I press my hand to my stomach, my breath shattering. “No, no, no”

But denial can’t rewrite reality. I’m carrying his child, the result of a forbidden romance. Of course the first time I had sex I would get pregnant. 

And the man responsible for this life inside me? Wasn't even speaking to me, he could not even bare to look at me. He was happily in love with someone else. 

I hear a soft knock on my door, I can tell it's my mom by how gentle the knock is. 

“Yubi? Are you awake?”

I immediately clean myself up, wiping the tears am hiding the pregnancy test under my pillow. 

“Yeah,” I force myself to speak. “I’m resting.”

“Dinner’s in a few. Come join us.”

“Okay mom.”

I hear her footsteps fade, and when I’m sure she is gone, I collapse back onto my pillows, the silent tears was holding back streaming down my cheeks.

What am I going to do?

My stomach clenches painfully, and I curl into myself. I cry until I’m empty, until my eyes hurt, until I fall asleep. .

Later that night, I pull myself together and slip outside to the pool. I had spent the entire day indoors, I needed some air, some space. 

The water glows under the lights, it amazing. My reflection ripples, distorted, just like my life. I wrap my arms around myself, shivering even though the night is warm.

I hear the footsteps from behind me, I half turn and see him, Trey. 

He is wearing Grey sweatpants and a matching sweatshirt with his hands in his pockets, he steps right next to me and my heart does a little somersault when I smell his cedar wood scent. 

“How have you been?” he asks, like we are cool now, like he hasn't been ignoring me for weeks now.

“I have been okay,” I lie trying to keep a straight face. 

“You are never around anymore.” he says 

“I have been busy with the college applications.” I partly lie, I can't say I avoiding seeing him stick his tongue down Kiari's throat. 

“Trey, can we talk?” I step toward him. “There is something I need to tell you. It’s important.”

He inhales, then lets out a long breath.

“I actually came to tell you something too,” he says, cutting me off gently.

My chest tightens. “Okay, you go first then”

He looks me in the eye, and what I see there is calm and peace. 

“Kiari and I talked,” he says. “And I asked her to be my girlfriend.” he says and I see small glint of happiness when he mentions her name. 

Suddenly my whole world stops, he continues, 

“And she said yes, I want you to officially meet her.” he added

I feel like I have been punched in my throat. I stare at him, feeling my throat close, my vision blurs.

But he keeps going, oblivious to the fact that he was tearing my heart out piece by piece. 

“So, whatever happened between us?” His voice is firm, final. “No one can ever know about it”

He looks at me like he expects me to fight.

To beg or to argue, to say something, I do none of it. 

“You are right Trey.” I finally say,

Something flickers across his face, it looks like confusion? Guilt? but I don’t care.

I can’t care right now.

I step back, turning away before the tears spill over.

“Goodnight, Trey,” I whisper, walking toward the house, "All the best in your relationship and yes, I should meet her." 

“Yubi” he calls after me

I don’t let him finish or look back at him. I can’t.

I open the sliding door, step inside, and let it close behind me.

Only then do I let the tears finally fall. I press my hand to my stomach.

“I will take care of you,” I whisper to the tiny life growing inside me. “Even if he never knows, it will be our little secret.”