Chapter 24

In all the time that I have been here I keep to myself. I just sit and stare at the white walls as I try to fight the strong urge to start screaming and looking around for my medicine. I need it, so much. The memories keep coming all at once and I don't know how to deal with it without my medicine. There's no escape from the horrible memories.

Drugs were the only way that I have thought of dealing with my trauma because they helped me escape the problem. Unlike Steve who thought that I had to talk about my problems in order to learn to forgive myself and heal, I thought otherwise. If I talked about it, it would only make the shit that I have gone through that much more real. Whereas if I keep them locked away in my mind, it helps to push the thoughts away and makes what I have gone through seem like only a bad dream. 

Today was the first day I'd stepped out of my room and I couldn't take it. I kept scratching my arms and n