Six: Love

Chapter 06 | Love

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|AVA SANDERS|  

The lights were blinding me. I squinted my eyes to look around the place. This was my second time entering a bar just to have a drink. The last time was … I don't even want to mention it. 

We just got inside a luxurious bar a few minutes ago and here my friend was, ready to drag me for some serious talk. I checked on the others and they were already approaching an area.  I watched them walk towards the end part of the place, far away from the dance floor. They decided to sit in a rounded area, getting one with the darkness. 

“Avie~,” a sigh made its way out of my mouth hearing the familiar voice of my bitchy friend. Puffing air, I just let her cling to her arms on my left as we took a seat on the high stool chairs in front of the bar area.  

“What are you, a kid?” I asked her, raising it a bit as the music from the dance floor was too loud for us to hear each other. She giggled and I had to roll my eyes in the air. She wasn't drunk. She hasn't yet drunk even one glass and she was acting this way. 

What a way to start the night. 

“Come on, Avie. I know that gaze you were expressing towards that guy over there,” even if I don't want to look in the direction she was pointing at, I did. 

We were at the bar counter. She dragged me just to have my answer to her questions that I guessed, she suppressed the moment they entered the shop.

It was just a glimpse and stared at my glass of Vodka. 

As soon as we entered the bar, Mira asked her ‘friends’ if we could talk first before we joined them and they agreed. They also seemed to talk about something serious and maybe for some reason, we don't want to interfere. 

“Your eyes are no longer sharp, Mira. Get it checked, will you?” trying to avert her attention to that, I nudged her on the side. 

“You have yet to tell me how you got a boyfriend in just a day,” I flicked an eyebrow as I stared at her oh-so-confident look in her eyes. 

“What? Was that even impossible to happen to me, Avie?” 

Instead of feeling guilty or so, I raised a brow and looked intently at her eyes. Her doe eyes were super expressive, different from my dull, inexpressive pairs. She never had a relationship even after she lost her parents. 

That wasn't her priority. 

“I mean. I know it has been a year. I even thought you were just kidding when you brought it up to me! You can't blame me for thinking like that,” I argued. 

She looked at me and then at her glass of champagne. She faced the counter and placed her arms on it while playing with the glass around her hands. 

I was leaning my back on the edge of the counter while resting my elbows on it. My head was fixated on her direction. My right hand was also playing with the alcohol on my glass as I watched her stare at hers for a while. 

“You know, Ava…,”

My back straightened when I heard my name under her breath. It wasn't Avie, it was Ava. That means she was already serious. 

“What?” I asked as my gaze went to the center area of the bar. People were dancing with the hype beats of the song playing in the background.

Some were already wasted, grinding their bodies everywhere. I couldn't help but grimace at the view. 

“When love hits you hard, you won't be able to control it. That's how powerful love is. It'll make you stronger but also will make you weak that you couldn't help but surrender,” 

I slowly turned my body to my friend, Mira. My eyes slowly watched how her eyes shone with something that I couldn't name. It was a familiar glint. It mirrors the glint on my mother's eyes whenever she thinks of the love of her life. 

My father. 

I stopped and rested my left elbow on top of the counter as my other hand rested on my lap, carrying the glass of Vodka. My grip on it tightened as I repeated her words in my head. 

“Love?” 

Bitterness draped on my tongue that I had a hard time swallowing. I couldn't seem to find the right words to say. From staring at her glass,  Mira slowly meets my dull pair of orbs. I was looking at her, looking for words to come out of my mouth. 

“It's too early for you to call it love, Mira. How can you be so sure?” I asked her with my gaze, intently staring at her eyes. 

She fought my stares but it won't shake me. I watched how the side of her lips moved up as she shook her head at me. She then faced in front again and gulped down her shot of glass. 

“How would you even know, Avie? This?” 

My eyes went to her hand, pointing at the left side of her chest. I clicked my tongue as I waited for her to say something. 

“This isn't your heart. So, how would you know?” 

“Are you sure that's already love, Mira? You know, sometimes it was only our thoughts that's why we could say it's love. Because love is a deep word,” 

I played with my glass as the sound of the ice inside, clinking with it was making me think of the things I shouldn't. That I wouldn't want to even think of. 

I heard her put down her glass because it even vibrated with the force she had on it. 

“Yes, I'm sure.”

I slowly but carefully put down the glass as I faced Mira. She wasn't mad with what I said. She knew where I was coming from. And I was glad that she understood my clear intention in saying those things to her. 

“You're aiming for something serious now?” I asked her. 

She faced me and held my free hand that was on my lap. The latter was just resting on the counter. I looked into her eyes and the emotion that I was seeing right now overwhelmed me. 

Her eyes were full of love, I got goosebumps! 

Even without saying it, I know. 

“Are you happy?” I don't know why my heart constricted with an unknown emotion. It was something I don't want to name yet. 

“Yes. I am,” 

Finally, my lips let out a genuine smile as I looked at her. My friend is happy. She's happy. 

“You're making me tear up, bitch!” 

I heard her giggle as she tapped the right hand that she was holding until now. I blinked the tears that were threatening to fall any second now. I'm glad to know she is. Because ever since that day, I never heard her say that she is. Her eyes were now full of life, it was dark and void of emotion years ago. 

“That's how life is, Avie! You need to have it bad before you can call it a success. Before you can smile like this. And Avi,”

From looking at our hands clasped together, my gaze went to meet hers. 

“I know, you can have it too. That day will come that you would be able to say, it's all worth it. You know that, right?”

Smiling a bit, I nodded. 

“Yea,” I smiled and we continued talking about some other things. 

Love? I think I'm still not there. Love exists, yes. But it wasn't for me. 

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“It's lit!” I murmured to myself as I put down the glass clean. 

I don't know how many glasses I have already since Mira left me here at the counter alone. She left minutes after we were tired of talking about things. And the crowd was already eating up and wild. 

The music was so loud, my heartbeats were getting its hype beats. 

“You're drunk,” the lids of my eyes slowly opened to see the guy who took a seat next to me. 

“Me? Drunk?” my words were already slurred and my vision was blurry to even recognize the person beside me. 

“I bet I am,” I chortled and absentmindedly let my head fall on the counter table in front. 

I expected it to hurt but a warm and soft hand caught my forehead before I could totally hit the surface of the counter, hard. 

“Hey, mister. Do you know what love is?” I couldn't understand myself anymore. Maybe it was my drunkness, talking. 

“Of course, you do! But I don't,” I laughed as the side of my head softly met a cold surface. 

“Love? That's pure bullshit! Love was supposed to heal someone. To make a person feel alive despite going through something! But why did it ruin someone?” 

I punched my chest when it hurt. It was as if there was a chain gripping it tightly, making me breathless. 

“Why did love ruin my Mom?" I whispered as hot liquids escaped my eyes. 

“Love hurts my Mom. And it hurts me too! Funny right?” 

My Mom? She wasn't healed yet. She was supposed to. But why did love only make it worse all the time? 

I am still in pain, and so is my Mom. We're both hurting, still. 

“My Mom deserves

love …,” my head was already spinning around. My heart was bleeding, remembering how love wrecked my Mom. 

How my father destroyed my Mom.