chapter 21

I stepped out of the bedroom into the living room. The house was pitch dark except for the moonlight pouring through the glass windows, bright and silver, falling straight across the sofa where Payton lay curled up.

I smiled softly and walked over, then crouched in front of her. My fingers brushed her cheek—soft, warm—and I whispered, “I’m sorry, baby… for everything.”

Her lashes fluttered. Slowly her eyes opened and found mine.

“Richard?” Her voice was sleepy, surprised. “You’re here. I’m so sorry—I would’ve come upstairs. I didn’t even realize I fell asleep.”

She pushed herself up to sit properly. I stayed on my knees, looking up at her.

“I love you so much, Payton.”

“I love you too, Richard.” Her hands cradled my face. “And I’m so sorry about earlier. Really sorry.” She leaned in and kissed me gently. “I don’t know what came over me. It was just… the idea of another baby so soon. I kept thinking Mia would be angry—that we hadn’t given her enough time.”

I took her hands, pressing them between mine. “It’s okay. I think you’re right. We should wait.”

She searched my eyes. “But we can still… you know… be together. Just without you finishing inside me.”

I let out a small laugh, shaking my head. “Come on, baby. You know that’s my favorite part.”

We both smiled then—quiet, tired smiles—and I rested my forehead against her lap. Her fingers slipped into my hair, stroking gently.

“Richard,” she murmured, “I know we’re going to be okay. We’ll get through this. Just… please know how much I love you.” She bent and kissed the top of my head.

I raised my face to look at her. “I love you too, Payton.”

She then kneel down and hugged me

“We are in this together, okay."

She nodded “ yes of course.”. We held each other tightly.

But inside, I was still shaken.

The dream had been too vivid, too heavy. Seeing Mia like that—her face, her quiet disappointment—had carved something deep into me. I realized then that I couldn’t push anymore. Not until Payton was truly ready. I wouldn’t burden her with my longing, not when the memory of our daughter still ached so sharply between us.

For now, I’d wait.

Make sure we both heal.

It was Saturday afternoon. I decided to surprise Payton with a beautiful dinner date at home because this was the first time in over a year, Payton had left the house, and I wanted to celebrate. She was finally going to see her friend Nora—the same friend who had been calling me for months, asking about Payton since Mia died. Payton had refused every visit until today. I would always cover for her telling most of her friends that she traveled out to her mom's but when she told me she was stepping out, something in her eyes looked lighter, almost free. I was so happy I let her go without a single question.

After all, Nora was her good friend.

While I prepared the meal, rain began to fall outside. It started light, then grew heavier, pounding against the windows. I pulled out my phone and dialed her number. No answer. The network must be down because of the weather, I told myself, and went back to cooking.

By the time I finished, the rain had eased to a drizzle. I arranged the dining table carefully—candles, her favorite flowers, the plates just so. Everything is ready for the surprise.

That evening I was done with everything and was now in the kitchen squeezing fresh oranges for juice when I heard the front door open. The rain had stopped completely. Payton must be back, I thought, smiling as I carried the pitcher out to the table then ran straight to the living room.

Then I saw her.

She stood in the doorway, drenched. Water streamed from her hair, her clothes clung to her skin, and a black umbrella dangled uselessly from her hand.

I froze for a second before rushing to her.

“Oh my God, Payton—what happened? You’re soaking wet!”

“I’m sorry, Richard,” she whispered.

“Babe! What is this? You could get sick—you could—” My voice cracked with anger and fear. “Do you want to get sick?”

“I’m so sorry,” she repeated, eyes filling with tears.

“Come here.” I took the umbrella from her, set it aside, and started peeling off her wet clothes. “We need to get these off before you catch a cold.”

“I’m sorry, hun,” she said, voice breaking as sobs started.

I didn’t answer. I was too furious, too terrified. One day out of my sight, and she comes home like this? What for? To punish herself? To punish me? I just couldn't get it.

Soon she was naked, wet fabric piled on the floor. I scooped her into my arms and carried her to the bathroom. I ran the tub until the water was steaming hot—hot enough to chase every chill from her body. Gently, I lowered her in and began washing her, my hands trembling as confusion took over me.

“Hun, I’m really sorry,” she murmured. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“Payton, why are you doing this to me?” My voice shook. “What have I ever done to deserve watching you hurt yourself like this? Do you want to die? Do you want to leave me here alone? How do you expect me to leave without you?”

She stayed silent, tears sliding down her cheeks.

You were glowing this morning—laughing, excited to see Nora. What happened? Why do you keep torturing me? Haven't I done more than enough? I’ve given you everything, Payton. Everything, what more do you want from me.”

I stood up suddenly, turning away so she wouldn’t see the tears pouring down my face.

A second later, she rose from the tub, water dripping, and wrapped her arms around me from behind.

“Richard,” she whispered against my back. “I promise you, honey—it’ll never happen again. I love you. I appreciate everything you do for me.”

I swallowed hard. “I think… I think you need to see a therapist.”

Immediately she turned me over to face her.

“I swear this is the last time you’ll ever see me like this. I sat in the rain on purpose—to wash everything away. The pain, the guilt, all of it. I told myself today is a new beginning for me… for us.” Her eyes locked on mine. “I love you, Richard. I’m ready to fight for us. I’m ready to make this work. Please… just believe me, please just, this once.”

I pulled her against me, hugging her so tightly I was afraid I might hurt her,

burying my face in her damp hair.

“Payton, I love you, baby. I can’t bear the thought of losing you. It hurts too much—even thinking about it.”

“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “But I promise—it’s going to be different from now on. Please believe me.”

I could only nod.

We stayed like that for a while before she pulled back slightly, eyes searching mine.

“Do you mind having a bath with me?” Her fingers tugged at my shirt.

I cupped her face, sniffed hard, and nodded.

She gave a faint smile and gently tugged my shirt over my head. Moments later we were both submerged in the warm water, bodies pressed close, hearts beating in the quiet steam.

Payton is my entire world now—my everything. After my parents were gone, I was certain I’d never find anyone who could reach me again. But Payton… She's pure light. Her sweetness pulls laughter out of me even on the darkest days. She makes me feel alive, makes me feel whole. I know, deep in my bones, that I cannot survive without her.

I need her next to me. Always. No matter what comes.