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June 23
Sometimes all I can do is sit and wonder at what happens in life. I can't weep because my eyes have lost its well of water. I have cried and can't again. Everyone will always say there is hope and I strongly believe in that. I strongly believe everyone will always say there is hope and not hope itself. Sometimes, I wonder if I should just kick myself and tell them there isn't but I can’t do that because I have to always keep my mouth shut.
The very day Clag died, no one knew what I did but I did it and I'm not afraid to say what I did. The very day Danny died, I drew a map on my hand to comprehend if there is a road leading from life to death or if there isn’t. I have been sitting for all these while now but now, I am looking at things in a different direction. I can't breathe but yet I live. What is the use of life? Why was I born? Why was I given emotions? Why was I told I have a great future? Why was I t
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Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger June 25
After the incident that occurred in Mrs. Uju's neighbor's house on Saturday, after the incident that occurred in Mrs. Uju's church, I want you to know that I felt bad for three days. I want you to know that I felt pain but not clueless ones. I want you to know that I felt the true meaning of a friend in need.I wanted to express the pain I felt for her neighbor through tears but Mrs. Uju warned me not to waste my time pissing her off. I wanted to express my refusal on the decision she made with the senior pastor but Mrs. Uju reminded me of her ownership in the place we lived together.Today, I asked myself about my identity. I asked myself who I am. Am I the loner who lost himself trying to search for someone else? Am I the loner who lost his past while seeking for a lost cause? Yes! Lost cause! The senior pastor of Mrs. Uju's church told her I was a lost cause, a demon infested human being with a craving to go against the will of God. What is God? A system? Who is God
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger June 26
Life seems to be fair to a lot of people. Life seems to be good to some people. Today, I left home to see birds perch on the bank of a river and I was speculating how they spread their wings while searching for the right flow. It has always been a cognitive content interlacing my childlike brain of how birds reach out to the sky and get instant replies. I have questioned a man once about the beauty of flight. He looked at me, shook his head and told me to ask God.Well, I want to explain it all so you may not criticize me or condemn me when I speak against God. It irks me to the marrow of my bone and passes through my arteries, capillaries and veins, leaving my lucent heart with draggled nets hanging to the tide of my belly when I think about how people react when I say I am not a Christian.I can recall mildly, when I was questioned on this subject at church. I cannot deny how annoyed I was when the girl accused me of sacred treason. To accuse me of treaso
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger June 28
"Perer," Mrs. Uju said, shifting her gaze, and considering her words carefully, "you know today is the day you are you going to be delivered from whatever evil spirit that is bothering you. We have talked about this several times and we have agreed you are going to receive deliverance. Or do you have something else to say?""To be perfectly honest with you, ma, I am not familiar with deliverances at all, and I didn't agree to get delivered today because there is absolutely nothing wrong with me," I earnestly confessed.Mrs. Uju sighed and acted as if she wanted to pluck all the hairs on her head at once. There were some glances between me, her, and Vine who nodded in support of her mother."Very well, then," Mrs. Uju said, watching my eyes as she spoke. "I will have to inform your aunt if you refuse to obey me.""I am not going anywhere.""You don't give orders in my own house, Perer. Do you know I am capable of throwing you into the streets withou
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger June 30
I reached Jane's apartment before it was 12pm. I didn't know what else to do after Mrs. Uju chased me out of her house."Who is that?" Jane asked as she turned the door knob at the opposite end."Perer," I said."Come inside."I moved silently and quickly towards the couch and waited to see what would happen. The sitting room light came on, blindingly bright; I blinked as I sat tensed."Are you sure you are alright, Perer?" Jane asked."I am fine," I lied.Jane stood steps away from me, covering her breasts with both hands. She was wearing a tank top and a plain white skirt. I knew she was worried about my sudden visit so was I."Can I get you something to drink?" She asked, wondering if she had made the best approach to get into my thoughts."No, I am fine.""You don't look fine to me," she raised her eyebrows. "What happened to you?"I kept q
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger July 1
The first day of July should bring fresh flowers! Shouldn't it? The first day of July should bring peace! Shouldn't it? The first day of July should bring joy! Shouldn't it?"How was your trip from Lagos to Enugu?" Uncle Max took a coin I had never seen before and tossed it while my eyes circled as I watched it reach its maximum height and fall. He did it twice."It was boring," I said."Why was it boring?" Uncle Max asked."Because I had to sit alone in the back seat with a pregnant woman. She kept on complaining about her stomach as if I was the one that planted it in there."Uncle Max laughed. "Pregnancy is a heavy load to carry. You know she was just reacting to internal disturbances.""I know! Internal disturbances I didn't start. I hate when people bother me with their problems when they can solve it by themselves.""You mean you hate taking care of people's responsibilities?" Uncle Max asked."That is not what I me
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger July 10
I love stories a lot. Do you? Since I have been writing this diary of my life, I have been able to create wonderful stories that has touched both of us deeply. Do you agree? Now, I ask, who doesn’t love a short love story about meeting random people? Especially the very unique ways that people can get connected together without putting much efforts. It is almost more than eight days since I wrote an entry where Uncle Max told me plainly that he had gotten Miss Bisi pregnant. I didn’t give him the best answer he wanted because I did not have much t
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger July 15
It was still morning when I heard that a soccer match which I had been craving to watch would be displayed in a betting shop. Bet9ja was the name of the betting shop! I thought for a while if there was a need of going to watch it and of course, there was a need. As a partial loner, I have always adored soccer games to any kind of game. I recall when some folks talked about this when I was younger. All I could say back then was how stupid they would be to prefer a soccer game over a movie. Not until I became a grown child did I discover it was more interesting than I had imagined. Sometimes, it sticks to my mind when I think of what some of my friends and family members would say about my choice of preferring soccer to any cartoon or movie. But, however, I am me and keeping up with what I do is making people understand I will keep being me and me forever.In accordance to what some fans would always yell, "wear our club jersey," I picked up a red jersey and wore it. I sa
Perer Ford: Diary of a Stranger July 18
One of the fastest ways to commit suicide is to accept the moment, time taken and procedures involved in being a part of it. When you have done that, you feel a sense of freedom for a while, a month, up to a year. In the end, you realize you are not dead but have been dead a long time ago."I think a gun and a bullet is enough," Henry corrected. He had decided to visit me today from wherever he was staying."That is too much pain for me to bear," I replied."I don't know if it is painful, but it sure is fast. The problem isn't about shooting yourself, the problem is to get hold of a gun. Once you get hold of it, then it is perfect. At least for me."I laughed."Why do we feel the need to die?" I asked."Maybe because we easily get tired of living our old life over and over again.""So, it is a cycle? An unending cycle that holds on to us for eternity?"It was Henry turn to laugh and he laughed well."There is a wom
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