Jonathan (Jace) Carson was very white, very tall and very put-together— at least, that's what he used to be like. The man next to him looked nothing like that; the suit he wore while expensive was worn, wrinkled and fraying. It looked a little grey, just like him actually.
When he first noticed him, he kinda tittered. Then tried counting on his hand how long it had been - too long, his brain supplied. Too damn, long.
Did he walk, run, or fly? He couldn't remember, but he was moving. Finally when he was a few meters away Venus appeared in front of him, trying to stop him.
But Jules almost plowed over her. Then her hand grasped his neck pulling his face towards her. The other hand clasped his fist effectively stopping him.
Jesus, he thought desperately. When had his hand curled into a
Jules felt like he was holding his breath.He wasn't obviously.He was still breathing, moving, and kicking but on the inside, it felt like one big inhale without an exhale. A comma; a pause.He was waiting, for what exactly he didn't know yet. His life looked like it was coming together. If it were a picture then destiny or God had taped it together with clear duct tape. It looked miserable and untidy but it was together and that was the most important part.At least, that's what he thought. That's what he fucking thought."Would you stop spacing out and give me a hand," Venus called from the other side of the car.They were at the process of offloading grocery bags when Jules got a text from his father.I know you usually eat at your girlfriend's but can you come home for dinner, tonight? I made Mac and cheese, your f
Venus left the party an hour early with Bella and David. They had a thing. So Omar dropped Jules off at his doorstep.He stumbled into his house slightly buzzed and disoriented. He knew his dad was home (his car was parked outside) so he wondered why all the lights were switched off.Jules took his time walking afraid of falling over. He poured a glass of water for himself in the kitchen and touched the cool glass to his forehead. He was feeling clammy for some reason.His stomach was wrangled with knots and his shoulders were tense. Everything was fine - and yet he felt uneasy. He wanted to blame it on the alcohol but he barely had two drinks. He looked around distractedly. Where was his dad?Jules shook his head and, hopefully, also his uneasiness. He drained the glass and climbed the stairs. He was at
Jules parked outside the abandoned field. The spot behind the dumpster was taken by David's blue Sedan.The sight of it eased some tension of his shoulders. Bella had sent another text telling him where they were. He tried calling but she hadn't answered, much to the dismay of his heart.His food was still doing somersaults in his stomach when he opened the door and stepped out. He had to wiggle his legs for a second to stop the trembling and shake of the numbness.Jules walked the short distance to David's car, there he could make out three figures standing at the side. Bella, David, and Venus.The relief was instantaneous and staggering. He leaned into the car. Because honestly, it really did feel like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. And the loss of the weight made him dizzy. Venus was okay.He squinted, at least physically.Ju
beware: a lot of angst & emotional trauma ahead. also a little note, bear in my mind that while i did some research (thanks google) there are still a lot of stuff i don't know about medical research. so some of it is real while the others are on the fly. remember venus can read minds, so i think it's okay if things are a bit weird or unrealistic, yeah? that being said, i'm sorry if i made any crazy mind-boggling mistakes and offended anyone. i'm human okay, forgive me? thanks.━Venus was trembling in his arms.It was just a few minutes but it felt like an infinity before she stopped crying. Before he stopped crying—before they stopped crying.Then Jules asked the question, even though he could still see the tears tracks on her face. Even though he could still taste his on his tongue. Even tho
Venus wouldn't look at him, she just shrugged. "Take it however you deem fit.""Because you're...sick?" It was hard getting the word out. It felt like there was a huge ball wedged in his throat. He wanted to vomit but there was nothing in his stomach but heartbreak and pain."No," Venus said, after a few seconds. "Because I don't love you and I'm tired of pretending."The world fell silent for a second or maybe he just couldn't hear anymore, but then he could. He could hear her words clear as day in his head on repeat.I don't love you. I don't love you. I don't love you. "Oh." He might have said or breathed or cried or screamed.Oh.Jules lost his everything— but mostly his balance. Venus moved towards him quickly, touching him finally. She held onto his arm steadying him. It was instinct t
Jules made it home in one piece.His fingers, his hands, his arm, his neck, everything felt hollow but still, he's breathing.Jace was seated on the steps of the porch. He was shirtless, barefoot and crying. Jules got out of the car slowly, he could hear his dad talking on the phone.He's back, Martha. Oh thank God, he's alright.Was he alright? Did he look alright? He certainly didn't feel alright. But he guessed considering everything - he was alright.Even though it felt like he had left a huge piece of him on the field with her. He was back home and in (one) piece(s). Jace looked grateful and so goddamn relieved.He realized then what it must have looked like to Jace. Wasn't it on a night like this that Jules had left the house with intent never to return?Jace didn't scold his son, he didn't try to be anythi
Heartbreak. Heartbroken.The words felt childish to Jules. Something he would hear and immediately think of an actor or actress looking into the inside of an ice cream cup.Heartbreak. Heartbroken.But when he looked up the word this was what he found: Heartbroken —( a person) suffering from overwhelming distress.And he thought, fuck, that's me right there; I'm suffering, it's overwhelming. And distress, distress, distress.Jules didn't go to school for two days, all he did was forget to eat and never sleep. On day two he wondered what his father thought about his moping, as far as Jace knew no one had died, yet. But when he finally asked, he found out it was the weekend.It was so dumb that he had laughed out loud for the first time. Loud and crazy. He'd stopped pretty q
Jules had been eagerly awaiting the fall break.But now that it was upon him, all he could think about was how empty he felt.If they did open heart surgery right now, on him, would his organs still be there, intact? Or would they find a bottomless pit instead?It seemed no matter how much air he dragged into his lungs. No matter how much food his father coaxed him to eat, it was never enough. To fill him, to drown this emptiness. She caused.It had been two weeks, no– three weeks or rather, maybe, three hundred lifetimes since they had last spoken.When she had finally come to school for the first time since their split. Jules had been by his locker when she walked into school clad in yellow denim overalls and a tee they had dyed together.For a second he forgot everything and anything, moving like a magnet drawn to