DON'T TOUCH YOURSELF

 “What’s a sub… I don’t..” I clear  my throat,  feeling silly and good all at once, standing in his kitchen with my dick out and my come on the floors of his kitchen. It’s such a weird position to be. Never in my wildest imagination did I think this would ever happen.

Much less to me.

I’d never come so much, or so hard in my life. I mean, all the times I thought I blew my mind with my right hand was laughable in comparison to what he made me feel.

He’d raises a brow at me, I’d like to say he was mocking me, but there was a gentleness about him. A gentle giant.

“You really know nothing about sex, huh?”

I feel myself burn and resist the urge to look away from his face. He’d asked me not to look away from him, and I don’t want to disappoint him.

Instead of answering verbally, I shake my head at him. At twenty, I know most of my mates already had an impressive list of sexual experiences. While I spent all of my time in the farm, any of our farms.

I’m more than embarrassed to say I’d relied on my right hand when I couldn’t ignore the horny for too long.

“Well, it’s a relationship. A Dom, and a sub.” he points to himself, and then to me, his kind eyes searching my face to see if I understood.

“Oh, that’s why your username is BigDom? I thought it was your name.” I say dumbly. There’s so much  I don’t know about this. I wish I took the time to read about the app, or read his own profile. I’d been too embarrassed after getting a boner from seeing his picture to click his profile again.

He chuckles.

“It kind of is, my best friend says it’s a play on words.”

“Oh.”

Because there’s nothing else to say. He takes my hand and leads me to the bathroom, I follow behind him, only glancing back at the food we should be preparing instead before thinking that I like this better.

His bathroom is as sleek as the rest of his house. He steps into the shower, and brings me with him.

“It’s a relationship built on trust, mutual trust.” he looks at me in the eye when he says this. A shiver runs through me at the eye contact. I watch him wet a towel, squat, and wipes me down slowly. His touch is gentle, and precise.

I blush at the sight of him down there.

“You like me on my knees for you?” he asks with a teasing smirk. I tuck my chin into my chest as he laughs. It’s a beautiful sound.

It’s a big ask to trust someone I literally just met off an app. A kink app. It’s still so surreal to me that it is the furthest thing from a cooking app.

“You had others before, subs?” I don’t know why I’m asking that. And the ugly feeling that sits in my chest at the thought of his answer. It has nothing to do with me, heck I haven’t even decided whether trusting him is the right thing or not.

Dominic pulls himself up, and tilts my chin up with two strong fingers.

“I did. But,” he says firmly, eyes looking way too deeply into mine.

“If you agree to be my sub, I swear to you that I will have no other subs for as long as you have me.”

My neck warms.

“I didn’t say anything.”

He smiles kindly, “You don’t have to. I felt the same way when I thought someone else made you hard last night.”

My jaw drops at his words, his honesty, and how easily he admitted what I think he admitted.

“I’ll ask that you do the same. Only I get to touch you, take care of you, make you feel good. You will be mine and I will be yours. I have never been good at sharing.” he tells me.

My belly turns to soup at the base. I’m so flustered that he’s willing to do all these with and for me when we’ve only just met.

“You’ll be my responsibility, and this might sound like a bribe, but I will cook all your meals if you have me. No more food poisoning.”

 This is too good. Free food for as long as I’ll have him? What idiot would pass up a chance like that?

He helps put my dick away and buttons my pants right back up.

“I don’t… all you’ve said is what you’ll do for me. And earlier you said this would be a relationship. What will I do for you? I don’t have much to offer.”

He groans lowly, his head falling back, revealing Adam's apple I want to nip on. This man is sexy as sin. His man bun is even sexier. I want to run my fingers through his silky hair.

“Everything you inputted in your bio? Does that carry over to other aspects of your life?”

I blush furiously as my own answers roll through my mind’s eye.

“I don’t … I’m not really sure if it’s the same. Like I said, I have zero experiences to think back on.”

He nods like he’s considering it. He helps me out of the shower again, even if I’m quite fine walking out here on my own.

As we return to the living room, I think to myself that I really don’t want this to be the last time we see each other. I want more of his skilled hands. I want to taste his kiss again. The man can kiss so well, I’ve never been kissed as good.

I know nobody else would ever measure up.

Besides, he made me come today, I want to return the favor. Isn’t that how it goes?   

“Dimples, I need you to do something for me.” he starts when we return to the kitchen. He doesn’t let go of my hand. And he has a thing for eye contact, our eyes are always connected one way or the other.

I listen attentively.

“I want you to go home,”

Disappointment immediately sinks it’s claws into me. He chuckles, rubbing my cheeks with the back of his hand. I like when he does that.

“I’ll give you my phone number, text me, call me whenever. You can always come by here too. I’ll give you the address of my restaurant too. But what I need you to do for me, is go back to your profile, because, Dimples, those things…” he says the last part softly, his fingers still stroking my face.

He isn’t even trying but his touch combined with how he’s speaking to me is all so erotic.

“Those are the things I matched with you for, those things are the things I need in a sub. And however desperately, I want that to be you–”

My entire being preens at the praise. I impressed him. He was impressed by me.

“I want this to be your decision. This is something you have to want for yourself. If your bio is something you can do, if that person is you.” he shuts his eyes briefly.

I’m hung up on the fact that I made this man happy. There’s this scratchy feeling in my stomach and chest.

“Then, Dimples, I’d be the luckiest Dom in the world to have you.”

I open my mouth to answer him, but he sinks down and sticks his tongue into my mouth, sucking my tongue and my thoughts right out of me.

When he pulls away, I’m a mess and I don’t know my left from my right.  

“Think on it, Dimples. We have time.” he tells me with a small laugh, shaking his head.

I mentally groan.

“It’s important to want this even when your not hard or horny. I will train you, some times it might be humiliating, but you feel good. At the end of the day however, when you’re in your room alone or in class.If you choose this path, I want you to be proud of it. Not resent the part of you that likes it.”

He’s right. Of course he is.

I nod sagely as his words sink into my mind.

“Think about things you’d like me to do to you, things you’d like to do to me as well. Ask me any question should you have them. But don’t touch yourself until you’ve mad eyour decision.”

I groan at his words. He only chuckles and kisses the side of my mouth again.

“Come, I’ll cook something for you to bring home. Do you live alone?” he resumes cooking, and he’s much faster with slicing vegetables without me.

His movements are fluid and precise. He’s really perfect, isn’t he?

 He asks if I live alone and I nod at him. He nods slowly.

“Good.” then he smiles at me, his eyes trailing down and up my body, causing me to shiver in delight.

“I think I’d be jealous if someone else sees you coming out of the shower.”

I think I like it when he gets possessive over me.

He drives me back to my apartment with even more food than the pasta and sauce. He doesn’t come inside because in his words he needs to pace himself.

  As I step into the elevator, I hear a familiar ding! I turn to the source, and it's a guy in the corner with heavy eyeliner and a passive expression. A slight peek at his phone reveals the black and pink app.

So it is a well-known app, then.

"Nobody downloads that by accident," he says, without looking up from his screen.

"I did," I blurt out. "Technically."

His eyes lift to me. One eyebrow rises a millimeter, which is somehow louder than a laugh.

"Huh."

The doors open on my floor. I step out. He steps out too, hands in his pockets.

"Ethan. First year."

"Emery. First year, too. I mean, I just downloaded the app. Today. Yesterday."

"You blush like it's your job," he says flatly. "And you smell like garlic."

"I was cooking. Sort of." A hiccup rattles up my throat. "He was teaching me."

"Mm." He studies me like I'm a menu. "I matched with a guy last week. Haven't met him. He's either a god or a serial killer, fifty-fifty."

"Is that, uh, normal?"

"For me." He tilts his head. "Your Dom. Is he any good?"

I open my mouth, and what comes out is every detail I swore I'd keep to myself. The kitchen. The knife. His hand around mine. Ethan listens without a single change of expression, and by the end I'm hiccuping into my sleeve.

"You didn't say yes," he says.

"How do you know?"

  He shrugs. "Look, I read the terms and conditions, so trust me. If you're this red about a man who made you say it with words, you've already decided. You're just scared of the decision."

I don't know what to say. I have never been read this fast in my life.

Ethan turns back toward the elevator, then pauses with his finger on the button.

"Think about it, though. How would it feel if you had his cum leaking out of your ass all day?"

The doors close on my gaping face. The elevator dings, opens again, and Ethan leans out.

"Wrong floor. I just wanted to see you do it."

The doors close for good.

I stand there for a full minute before I remember how to walk.

My apartment is quiet.

 I set the containers of food Dominic packed on the counter, and the whole place smells like garlic and butter and him.

My dick, the traitor, is already chubbing up again, and I tell it to behave, because he said don't touch yourself until you've decided.

I sit on my bed and open the app.

It's all there on the screen, in my own words, the answers I typed with a cooking class in mind.

Open minded. Willing to try almost anything.

Very little experience, but eager to learn.

Someone patient enough to guide me through everything.

I read them once. Then again, slower.

 Every word is true. They're the most honest things I've ever typed about myself, and I put them in a box labeled kink without knowing it.

I think of his hand over mine on the knife.

Words, Dimples. Always keep your eyes on me. 

The way he looked at me like I was something he'd waited his whole life to find.

A hiccup shakes me. Then another.

Dominic's contact sits at the top of my phone, a number I haven't used yet. I open it. My thumb hovers over the keyboard.

I start typing.