8 - Five Years Ago: Run

It’s dark when I wake. His arm is heavy around my waist, protective and comfortable. I should be this comfortable with a stranger, but I can’t deny my own sense of peace. Of safety in his embrace. My face is pressed against the grass and I stretch out, slow and aching from a night under the stars. He doesn’t stir, only breathes heavily against the back of my neck. It’s kind of cute. But I’m struck with the strangeness of what I’ve done. Never, I never imagined that I could have sex with a strange man, nor that it could be so good. What does that make me? Does it mean something about who I am and what I enjoy? I feel anxiety, worry and imagine the judgement of a thousand eyes looking on.

I remind myself that I’m a consenting adult, and I don’t owe anyone anything. I shouldn’t even feel guilty about Josh, but some part of me does. I’m panicking and I know it. I’m easing away from my handsome stranger before Seren stirs and can stop me. Because I know she would want to stay. To meet the man in the light of day, and his wolf. It hurts to ease away from his aura and the protective arm of his wolf. I slide his shirt off my shoulders and set it down by his hand. I’m on my feet, padding carefully across the grass until I’m far enough away.

I climb the hill steadily, feeling like my heart is being ripped in two. This is ridiculous, it was just a one night stand. I shouldn’t be feeling so attached to a stranger. I can’t afford to be attached to a stranger. Love just lets you down. That’s what Josh and Bell taught me. Love betrays and it hurts like a bitch. I don’t want to be hurt. If it’s just a one night stand, then a handsome stranger can’t hurt me. I can just enjoy what we had.

The dancefloor is a mess, there are still a few people swaying in the grey light of dawn, a few twinkling fairy lights swaying between the tree’s. But looking at the sky above, it’s clear that it’s going to rain. I can feel it in the air, the heaviness of precipitation about to fall. I feel a pang of regret about the man left sleeping in the open. But I reclaim my shoes from where I abandon them and skirt the dancefloor, dodging the trash that has been left behind, mostly a bunch of napkins, or an abandoned glass or plate. Someone’s going to have a hell of a job tidying up after the wedding and mating ceremony. I know Belle and my Father will expect me to be around to pitch in, but I’m out of here. I’m gone. I know I’m not in the best frame of mind to be making any kind of decisions, but I just want to run.

Because walking through the aftermath of the wedding is like being hit with the weight of a truck. The lie I’m going to have to uphold, the secret of their affair that I’ll need to carry. They begged and begged me not to tell, to pretend like everything was fine for the wedding. The wedding’s over and I’m getting out of here, before I run into Ryan and have to break his heart too, telling him his wife is sleeping with my boyfriend. I hate myself, and it’s overwhelming.

In the main packhouse is a row of lockers by the main door, available for anyone to use. The hall leads down to a main dining room for Pack dinners and functions, but also off to a snug that’s mostly used by the young adults and teens.I stowed my bag in my car before the party, but my keys and phone are secured away in a locker. I fumble with spinning silver dials as I work through to my code and pull open the padlock. Yanking it away from the metal with a scrape. There’s a protest from the snug and it’s clear that I wasn’t the only guest who didn’t make it to their bed last night.

I grab my keys and phone and cross down the hall and out the otherside of the wooden pack house to the carpark. My car isn’t fancy, but at least it’ll get me away from here and back to college. So I can spend a few days pulling my broken heart back together, trying to process exactly what happened with my stranger. I slide into my car before the rain starts falling, hissing down in heavy drops. They splatter on the windscreen but I’m tearing out the parking lot like I’m being chased. My whole life I’ve been a model student, a good daughter with a steady boyfriend. I’ve been dependable, sensible and I’m freaking out. Last night wasn’t sensible. It was insane. But why did insanity feel good? Is there something wrong with me?

Kylar’s POv

I sit up with a jump, startled by the heavy drops of rain falling on my skin. I blink, twisting around in search of her. Heart thumping hard as I realise that I’m alone. I rub my hands across my face, trying to clear my thoughts but the rain is heavy and I’m on my feet, snatching up my shirt. It still smells like her and I pull it on, before scrambling around for my tie, jacket, shoes and socks, all whilst the rain bounces off the hard ground and up again. I’m soaked by the time I’m running back to the pack house. There’s a sense of panic that I can’t shake.

I sprint across the dancefloor with a handful of people that have gone all night. There’s a couple giggling as they sprint together towards the open door of the pack house. I skid inside, onto the hardwood floors and look around, trying to scent her. Where did she go? There’s a row of chairs beside the door, out the rain and I drop down into one. Dragging on my socks before pushing my feet into the stupid shiny dress shoes. I sit back, slicking my hand through my hair, sending drops spraying against the wall before tipping my head back against the paint work. I’m aching, exhausted from a lack of sleep, but it’s Sabre who’s doing my head in. His emotions range from anger to concern, demanding that I look for our girl and find her. To make her understand that she’s ours. I clench my fists, grounding myself as the rain trickles down my bare chest. I take a breath and stare out at the packhouse. The lone dancers and the soggy gigglers have retreated into the nearby snug, paying me little attention. There are a lot of strangers around, hundreds. I don’t know who she is. I don’t know her name.

I tell myself that maybe she just left to get coffee, that any second I’ll see her walking down the hallway. But I know that I’m telling myself lies. I know that she’s gone, and she’s got no intention of coming back. Was she from this pack? Or maybe one from across the country? Sabre snarls at me and I push him away. The worst thing is, that in the pack house, there are too many smells criss crossing. Too many hundreds of wolfs have come through in the last day, and outside, the rain’s clearing any trace of her away. I slam my head back against the wall again.

‘Hey,’ I hear the light, familiar steps of Kate as she approaches down the corridor, coffee in hand. ‘You look like you’ve lost something?’ She frowns down at me. The first rays of light are just touching the windows, turning the pink. I shake my head, I can’t even begin to explain it. She was my mate. I know that. But I didn’t claim her, didn’t find out anything about her. But that had been her choice, hadn’t it? She hadn’t wanted to talk. Damn but it felt so good to be near her.

‘Yeah,’ my voice is hoarse, husky from a lack of sleep and Kate raises a brow.

‘We figured you’d gone to get an early night,’ she frowns, ‘but…looking at the state of you…?’

‘Long night,’ I reply and draw a breath that stings, aching all the way through my chest to the pit of my stomach.

‘You going to be okay, Kylar?’

‘Sure,’ I shrug and try and shake off the dark cloud that I feel followed me inside. But it’s not going to be that easy. I met my mate, and I let her slip through my fingers. Worse…she found it so easy to leave me. I’ve never been a big romantic, but part of me always thought there might be a woman out there, whose wolf would complete my own. Turns out that there is, and she wants nothing to do with me.