05

ASHLEY'S P. O. V

The silence didn't bother me anymore.

I had gotten used to it, lying in an empty room, staring at the ceiling while waiting for my husband to walk in and drop into bed only to pass out seconds later, then rise early in the morning and disappear again.

It'd been like that since his mistress and lover skyrocketed. And by mistress, I meant Lockra.

Sometimes, I wonder if it would have been better if it was a woman taking Kellan's total attention. A woman I can fight, A woman I can compete with, but Lockra? Lockra made him billions of dollars. Lockra gave him the power and prestige he yearned for, and after growing up poor, being treated like a servant, and working crude jobs to pay his tuition fees, it makes sense that he worships Lockra.

But it hurt regardless, to be thrown under the carpet, to be ignored, to be invisible to someone whom I used to be his world.

When last we communicated, Kellan was in Dallas. He texted, saying he'd be heading to New Jersey next. I was confused; I didn't know where he was at the moment, and I couldn't keep up.

I closed my eyes to sleep, but something tingled in my body, I wasn't sure where. My eyelids stuttered open; I sighed and closed them again.

Rest. The doctor said I needed to rest. The tingle came again, sharper this time. I tried to ignore it, but by the third, it wasn't a tingle, it was a piercing pain. I felt it in my lower body.

Lower.

My scream was sharp and involuntary, tearing out from me before I could think clearly.

“NO. NO. NO. NO. PLEASE. PLEASE! NO!”

But no matter how loud I screamed, I couldn't change the fact that I was bleeding.

So much blood. Too much blood to be spotting.

It soaked through the lace of my underwear, painted my thighs, stained my fingers.

I had never screamed so loudly before. No sound has ever been that raw and gutting. I should climb down, hurry to my car, and drive to the hospital.

My son would be fine, he's still in there, resting cozily inside mommy's warm womb.

“You're alright, baby,” I murmured, brushing my fingers over my stomach. Blood stained my nightdress and I screamed again.

I couldn't move, I tried to, I really did, but my legs felt like lead, they wouldn't budge. My head spun, and I fumbled for my phone; the blood in my fingers stained the screen as I searched for his number.

Kellan

I hit call. It rang once, then twice, and went straight to voicemail. Something inside me broke.

Where is Kellan Langston when I need him the most?

I stared down at the blood, my head spinning and my eyes dizzy. I was losing him.

Both of them

“Kellan,” I began, my words breaking. “I'm pregnant,” I whispered, a sob racking through me. “Or at the moment, you can say I was because.... because I'm losing the baby, our baby Kellan. I don't know what to do; I'm trying to move, but... but I'm stuck; my legs won't cooperate with my brain.”

I paused, running a finger over my stomach. My heart was hammering into my ribcage, I tried to stand again, but to no avail

“You're not here Kel. You were supposed to be here! What happened to putting us first? Where are you when I need you, Kel? You're chasing the bag. I never wanted any of that!” I screamed loudly into the phone.

“I only ever wanted your love and time and affection. And now, I'm dying you're not even here to witness it.”

A bitter laugh wrenched through me. “Maybe this is for the best. Maybe it's better this baby dies than to grow up without receiving love from his father.”

Again came the tears, the pain, the deep agony that bore deep into my soul.

“I hate you Kellan Langston. I regret the day I watched you mow the lawn from my bedroom window. I regret the sweet words and heated glances, I regret leaving everything to elope with you.”

“I. Hate. You.”

I sent the voicemail and threw my phone across the room, then I bit my lips and placed my hand on the mattress to force myself up.

But white hot pain shot up from my legs straight to my head, the last thing I saw before passing out was more blood.

~~

Hospital. Voices. Beeping. Pain.

I woke up slowly registering my surroundings. My body was numb; a nurse walked over, examining my eyes.

I already knew before she said it. “I'm sorry, ma'am, but your baby is...”

“Gone.” I choked. My voice hoarse with tears that would spill out any moment

My son was gone and Kellan still wasn’t here.