5. Scars Speak

[Zeve’s POV]

Amor stretched out his palm before me, “may I have the honour to dance with you?” He asked.

I ignored him like he had been ignoring me.

Lady Ella stood in front of him.

“You may not dance with her. Not until you tell me what you did to her for her to be this scared. She was literally trembling…”

She hadn’t even finished speaking when Amor grabbed my wrist and pulled me in. In no time, my body collided with his. He held my hand and looked at lady Ella.

“Mother, I will take her with me for a moment.” He dragged me upstairs.

I glanced at lady Ella, who looked enraged by his behaviour. 

He left my hand only when we reached the balcony.

Panting, I looked at him, tensing my eyebrows.

He clenched and unclenched his jaws, stepping closer to me as I stepped back.

“Stop acting in front of my mother and my family. Stop pretending to be timid and helpless. Stop trying to gain sympathy. I have seen many treacherous women like that, but you seem to be worse than all of them.”

“Acting?” I said, looking into his eyes.

He kept glaring into my eyes with knit brows and kept decreasing the vicinity between us until my hips were against the balustrade.

He slammed his hand on the balustrade beside my hips, caging me in his arms.

“Yes, acting. Stop acting like a feeble girl who needs help in front of my mother. I know who you are. You are anything but weak!” He snarled as he whispered close to my lips. 

I was scared, but in front of him I couldn’t show that.

Stay strong, Zeve. I managed my breaths and calmed myself.

He leaned closer, and I leaned back. I held the edges of the balustrade with my hands, looking at the ground. If I fell from that height, I would surely break several of my bones.

That reminded me of the time when I fell from the stairs and fractured my legs.  

Amor wouldn’t stop getting closer.

“I won’t dance with you!” I yelled.

A swift squall went by us. I lost my balance and was about to fall when he grabbed my hand and twirled me around, taking me to a safer zone.

“You will.”

“I won’t!” Panting, I held my hands to my chest.

I thought he would throw me off the balcony, but he saved me?

He sighed, “this is who you really are. Stubborn! Irritating! Arrogant! A pain!”

I chuckled, barely holding back my tears.

“You think you know me? You don’t. You know nothing about me!”

“I don’t want to know you. But I learned a new thing about you today. You can also be deceitful and gain other’s sympathy so easily. The more I am getting to know you, the more I am hating you.”

“You think I was acting when I…” I was going to give him an explanation why I trembled that time, but I stopped.

He lifted his brow.

“You know what? Think whatever the hell you want. I don’t care and I don’t have to explain myself to you. You are not worth it. If you think it was all an act, great! It was! I was trembling, and it was all fake. What are you going to do about it? I told you, I will make your life hell as long as you keep me by your side. Why are you complaining now?”

The growth in hatred between us was mutual because the more I came to know him, the more I hated him. 

He chuckled, “right. Why am I complaining? You warned me, but no matter what you do, you will dance with me tonight and you will be my bride. That’s the fate I decide for you because after all…” he reached out to touch my hair. I flicked away his hand. “… your fate is mine, Zeve.”

I glared at him.

“My fate is mine, and I know I am not fated to be your bride. Yeah, until you force me to dance with you. This dance is an official proposal of marriage, isn’t it? Well, you can force me to marry you. But you cannot force me to live…”

He seized my arm and pressed my body between the wall and his body, “don’t you dare hurt yourself.” He scowled.

“Why? Should I wait patiently for you to burn me alive or throw me from this balcony or kill me? Before you take my life, I will end it myself.”

He pressed his finger to my lips, and I stopped speaking. His eyes were constantly on my lips, “if you don’t stop yammering, I will…” he leaned in closer to me, his lips just inches away from mine.

I pushed him away. He stumbled. I picked the hem of my gown and ran from the balcony to the hallways leading to the stairs. Panting, I stopped near the stairs and looked behind.

Amor had almost caught up to me.

My hands slid on the banister as I ran down the stairs. While descending the last two stairs, my ankle twisted, and I fell down the stairs. 

“Zeve!”

“Zeve!”

I heard him and lady Ella call me at the same time.

Nervous murmurs filled the hall. A strong bolt of pain ran from my ankles throughout my body. 

“Call the royal doctor immediately!” Lady Ella sat beside me. 

“No time for that! I will take her to Lucella myself.” Amor picked me in his arms and rushed to the hospital in the palace.

The doctor treated my ankles.

“It’s a sprain. No fracture, but it seems lady Zeve has suffered bone injuries in the past.” The doctor looked at me.

Her face wasn’t much different from Amor’s in impassiveness. Her posture was upright and filled with confidence.

“I suffered bone fracture, once,” I said in a low voice.

“Indeed.” Doctor Lucella’s voice seemed distant. A voice that a doctor would have when they talked to their patients. “Your body isn’t in an excellent condition. You have scars that speak some stories. Tell me honestly, did this jerk do something to you?” She glared at Amor.

“Not you too…” Amor said annoyingly.

“Amor, I am a doctor and I can see what her body has been through. I knew you were a jerk, but this is…”

“He didn’t,” I said.

“You don’t need to cover for him. I might not kill him because he is the Alpha or whatever, but I can do worse things to him. Then you can take your revenge on him,” she had a fearless tone.

She had deep green eyes as if woods of the entire world had gathered in her iris and brown hairs. She was thirty years old, but looked as if she was twenty-two.

“He isn’t responsible for the scars on my body,” I said, glancing at Amor then averting my gaze.

He peered at the scars on my legs for some time.

“They who is responsible for your scars?” Lucella asked.

“Maybe… me?” I mumbled.

Amor walked around the bed and held my arm. “Get up and come with me. You have to dance with me tonight.”

“Amor! Her leg is sprained! Are you out of your mind? Do you want her injuries to worsen?” Lucella held his hand, glaring at him.

“Your work is done. Out of my way, Lucella.” He said, as if he was warning her.

He picked me in his arms and strutted out of the hospital.

It was nothing new to me. Once I had to dance with broken legs at a party. Sprain should hurt less.

We entered the hall again. But before anyone else could come to us, he took us to the dance floor, where the lights were brighter than the other places in the hall. 

I waited for him to put me down, but he didn’t. The music started suffusing into the hall slowly and softly. I hadn’t looked at him since he had picked me up in his arms. I looked around and everyone was peering at us. I blinked and finally looked into his eyes.

“Put me down…” I whispered.

“Do you really want me to?”

“Yes.”

“Will you dance with me?” He asked.

“I will just put me down!”

“Hold me tight.”

A gasp escaped my lips when he gently adjusted me in his arms.

My hands involuntarily wrapped around his neck.

With me in his arms, he danced on the slow beats slowly reaching the crescendo. It was as if he was being careful to not put stress on my body, so he did only basic steps.

My heartbeats also reached the crescendo of life with every step he took. I was ready for the pain again.

But the most anticipated pain turned into an unfathomable anticipation.

I didn’t know what calmed me like caressing wintry winds on a summer morning — the music, the gentleness he held me with or his careful steps to not hurt my already shattered body.

I hate him; I hate his calmness; I hate his touch; I hate his peace; I hate everything about him. Yet.

I fell asleep in his embrace that night while he danced gently, holding me in his arms. 

Maybe I was sleepy because of the medicines. I wasn’t sure why I was at ease in the arms of a person like him.

I woke up to the grey sky that looked lighter that day. My head was heavy and my leg ached because of the sprain. I slowly turned to the other side of the bed and opened my eyes. The bed was softer than feather and cotton.

I wanted to believe that the past few days were a dream, and that Chaz was still alive. But the man sitting on the golden couch with red cushions, his elbow propped on the arm of the couch, his head resting on his palm and his eyes closed, reminded me that my life had already become a realistic nightmare.

I sat, sliding my hands over my knees.

Did he push me down the stairs? Or did I trip on my own? I held my head. I couldn’t remember what happened last night.

Memories rushed into my head like winds of despair.

I remembered when the girls at school pushed me down the stairs. The only thing good about that incident was my bones didn’t break. Then, I fell down the stairs after I shifted to the house in the forest in the Enver pack. There was oil on the stairs. I remember now I didn’t fall on my own, the maids! They put the oil on the stairs. 

I covered my mouth, breathing heavily. He was there too. Wasn’t he? I got his scent, but why didn’t he come to help me? It was painful. Why didn’t Chaz come? Maybe he didn’t see. Maybe he didn’t know that they hurt me.

I held my head as those memories haunted my head.

“It’s over… everything is finished…”

‘Stop denying it anymore, Zeve. You know what happened… accept it!’

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” I screamed. My wolf wouldn’t shut up when I didn’t need her to speak at all.

My heart raced in my chest as I took in broken breaths. My whole body broke into a cold sweat. Before I knew, I was shivering again.

I gasped. I didn’t want to breathe. It hurt. Taking in one more breath hurt so much. 

“Zeve! Zeve! Zeve!” someone was calling out to me. Who was it? “Maid! Call Lucella immediately!”

Lucella? Who? 

He pinned me on the bed, grabbing my wrists as I struggled to free myself. It didn’t matter if my legs were hurt or not. I tried to kick him.

“My head hurts, my leg hurts! I can’t… I can’t…” who was I talking to?

Why couldn’t I see his face? I saw it seconds ago, and I was so angry. But who was he? Why can’t I remember?

He yanked me to his chest. I was sitting again and warm arms wrapped around me and constantly patted my back until my breaths were restored. It was calming, like a song. His heartbeats were so calming and relaxing.

They made me feel the need to stay alive.

I wanted that calmness. I hugged back whoever it was and hugged him tightly.

“Please… don’t let go… please help me…”

I didn’t know why I was asking for help. I was scared, but what exactly did I fear? What was going on with me? I couldn’t comprehend anything anymore. My vision was blurry.

Was I crying? I was. I was crying incessantly, but why again?

“Can I trust you?” I asked.

“What? What the hell are you speaking? Zeve! Stop acting and come back to me! Fight me! Hate me! Kill me! This is not the real you. You are way stronger!” He wasn’t yelling. He was scolding me. 

“Amor! What did you do to her again?” I heard a lady’s voice. Was she Lucella? Maybe she was.

He loosened his hug, but I hugged him again.

Whoever he was, that warmth was comforting. A little more and I could finally rest. I clenched his shirt on his back.

“Check her like this. She won’t let go. Yesterday, I thought she was acting before mother, but... With those scars and her sudden panic attacks… I don’t know anymore.”

His voice slowly faded. Every pain in my body became numb. Everything was alright. I was safe in the white space where there was no sound, no touch, no taste, no image, no smell.

It was just me, myself, and I.

With no one around me, no one could hurt me. I wanted to stay alone. Forever alone. 

No mate.

No friends.

No one at all.

‘Use me,’ said that voice again. Every time I went into that passive state. I heard that voice. It kept on beckoning me to use it.

‘Use me, Zeve… all your sufferings will end… hold on to me…’ it echoed inside my head.

No, it wasn’t my wolf. Her voice was rough and bitter, but that voice was tranquil as a bell ringing on a summer morning and a lone dew falling from the frozen grass. It was like spring was approaching.

“Zeve! Zeve! Zeve! Open your eyes! She is not breathing! Amor, we need to do chest compressions!” The lady was yelling.

“Me too?” He asked.

“Yes! When I get tired, you take over immediately!” She said in a rushed tone.

“Ok!” He said instantly.

Was I — dying?