Chapter One: First Time

10 years ago

"Open up for me, girl." His voice is grotesque to me. Also, his body is three times that of mine.

I spread my legs. Without measuring its strength, it enters me without hesitation.

I have tears on the edge of my eyes.

I can't cry, I won't cry. My sex burns and bothers me.

"He's big," I repeat myself all the time.

I can't believe that my first time with a man is at eighteen and that he is paying me to enter my body.

It begins to move.

I don't even know what it's called, I'm not interested.

The moment he leaves this hotel room I will never have to see him again.

I am naked under her body.

He took off his belt and pants, the boxer is still on his knees. It seems that he does not feel it because it moves with force inside me. He says things that I can't understand. He's drunk, I know because I took it upon myself to give the rock more than ten shots of vodka.

I look at the head of the bed, which moves with each thrust of the guy inside me. It hits the wall and makes me ache to life.

I close my eyes and the tears begin to flow.

My younger brother comes back to my memory. It never leaves my head, it only hides in shame when my mind gets dirty.

My Joshua, my little Joshua.

It is the only thing that I have.

Orphans of father and mother, we survived thanks to my work as a waitress in the hotel bar where just today I give my virginity to a horrible and smelly fat man in order to pay this month's rent.

All for my six-year-old brother.

The guy tenses inside me. I imagine he just came. I put the condom on myself; she was tremulous, but he drunk and with little sense did not realize that he had never worn one. It's just a physical transaction, it doesn't affect me any more than it would hurt to lose my brother from not being able to maintain it.

I feel him come out of my body and he takes off the plastic that was wrapping his already flaccid member.

"Thank you, girl," I hear him say.

I get out of bed and pull my dress down. I don't know where my panties are, they don't bother me either. I just want to get out of here.

The man hands out a one hundred dollar ballot and I leave the place terrified.

I leave a satisfied man and my virginity in a hotel room.