Not My Mother

Ilse Castellano

Nadia had already walked away while I stood rooted to the spot, stunned at what she said.

Grave? They buried me? While I was still fighting the battle caused by Gareth?

"Move faster, or we will drag you there!" Three new guards were posted to take me to the graveyard after the other two chickened out. But... I was out of it to even realize that the spears they were holding were poking into my skin... Like they didn't want to touch me.

And all I could do was ask questions in my mind. Did they bury the wrong person? What was really going on? Why did Nadia seem angry that I came back alive? Did someone lie to them about me? Is that what happened?

"You're lucky to have been privileged to stand before the Luna, and all you like do was lie that you were her sister!" One of the guards spat out, making me stop and the spear dug in deeper. "A terrible person the sister was, by the way. Hey! Why did you stop?!" He intentionally pushed the spear in again, and I barely winced because I had endured a lot more than this.

"Luna?" I asked in a small voice, and I turned around to face them, my legs heavy. "Nadia is the Luna? Then... who is the Alpha?"

They looked between each other, their brows pulling together in confusion. "Alpha Gareth of course. Who else would be able to make this pack flourish even while the war is waging on? Of course, it is him!"

It was like everything had gone silent in my head. Nadia had gotten married to Gareth? Was this because of the—

"Move!" One of the guards shoved me really hard with all his strength. "Let's go! Let's go! We don't have all day!"

"Yeah, we were in the middle of a celebration!"

I bit my bottom lips and obeyed them, trying to put the pieces together, but nothing was sticking. They led me past the old chapel, out to the small plot where pack elders were usually buried, and there, at the edge where the grass hadn't quite grown back over the fresh dirt, stood two stones.

I read my own name first... "Ilse Castellano, our beloved mother, daughter, and wife. Lost to the war."

"The Alpha was really generous to have her remains buried here after her lover had killed her." One of the guards was saying to the others, and I listened to every bit of it. "You needed to see how broken the Alpha was. The man was shot to death, and the Alpha was so devastated that he locked himself inside his chambers for weeks."

My fingers grazed the tombstone slightly. "Did the Alpha see her face to confirm it was her?"

They paused for a few seconds before they responded. "Of course he did! He was one of the first few people to witness the scene. I heard that she was naked, and the Alpha wanted to kill the man who touched his wife, but the man held the wife at knife edge to protect himself. And the king was too angry, believing he could kill the man, he threw a spear at him." I was picturing the scenario in my head, already coming to my own conclusion. "The man slit his wife's throat, and that was how she died. She was even supposed to be on the battlefield because of the war she caused in the first place!"

The war I caused? Gareth had seen the woman's face all these while and told the public that the woman was his wife? A soft laugh escaped my throat as I bowed my head towards the grave's headstone. In summary, Gareth had lied to the word and twisted the facts to suit whatever narrative he was pushing, then he married my sister?

I lifted my head, about to ask another question when the light of the evening sun caught the headstone of the second tomb.

"Sable Castellano. Taken Too Young."

I felt my entire body go rigid at once.

"Sable? My daughter?" It was like my chest was being carved out by a knife and I pointed at the grave. "Her. Her. What happened to her? What happened to my daughter? Please, someone should tell me. Please..." My vision was getting blurry with tears. "How." My voice didn't sound like mine anymore. "How did she die?"

The guards shifted uncomfortably at the sight of my quaking body with me on my knees, sobbing like I had lost everything because I just did!

"She was... uh... she was caught practicing witchcraft, and the elders had no choice. A child like that—"

Had no choice? Wait...

"Please, make me understand... She wasn't sick but was killed?" I had to make sure that I heard them right.

"They really had no choice, woman!" His voice had gotten sharp with conviction that whatever he was saying was the fact. "The power in her was strong, stronger than a child should carry, and it wasn't normal."

"What did her father do?" I didn't know how I could be so calm asking this question. "What did the Alpha do?"

"The Alpha did what was good for the pack, okay? He proposed the death sentence and—"

That was all it took for the scream to tear out of my throat. I don't remember standing up, but all I was feeling in my body, from my core up the ends of the hairs on my skin, was pure rage. I saw red and I didn't know what happened next. For the first time after the battle, my wolf reared her head and snarled so loudly that I could feel the ground shaking beneath me.

The guards who were brave tried to drag me and stop me, but with the strength of my wolf, I flung everyone who came my way, and tore open the iron bars of the gate and stormed into the estate. It didn't matter that I could barely see because of the tears and pain in my heart.

I stormed into the the grand hall of the estate, where the laughter and celebration was louder, and I banged the door open, searching for the man who had sworn to protect his children after I took his place in the war. The whole hall went silent at once, every head turning toward me, but I had already found his eyes across the distance.

"Garreth!" He turned at the head of the table, his golden cup slipping from his hand and the wine spreading dark across the white cloth.

"I went to war in your place." My voice tore raw, and I didn't wait for him to say a word. "You were sentenced for what you did, and I took your punishment so our daughters would still have a father. And you let them kill her. You let them kill our child and you didn't even stop them... You sentenced your own fucking daughter to be killed? Your flesh and blood, Gareth!!!"

"Who let this filth in?" Gareth stomped his hand against the table, and the elders beside him jolted in shock. "Who is this filth accusing me of sending her to war? Why, exactly, would an Alpha let a woman go in my place if I was ever accused? Are you trying to call me weak in front of my whole pack?" He ignored the question about our child and was trying to focus on the war.

But I didn't care about the war anymore. I just wanted my children back. I noticed the changes he made in these halls, and my pictures no longer hung here but Nadia. I could accept the fact that he had replaced me and even dragged my name across the mud in doing so, but sentencing my child to death?

"I'm asking about our children." I snarled at him.

"What children?" He shot out of his chair in anger. "I have no children yet, except the child in my wife's womb." He gestured gently to Nadia's growing stomach that I hadn't noticed earlier on. "And if you're talking about that witch child that was sentenced to death, believe me when I say she deserved it! The oracle of the goddess foretold that she would have destroyed the entire pack if she wasn't killed immediately!"

I slapped a hand to my mouth to keep myself from wailing my soul out. How... Why?

"Where is Winnow?" I asked. "Where is my other daughter, Gareth?"

"Winnow is a street child that my wife took pity on and brought her into this house as a servant, and if you're trying to claim responsibility of the child after you abandoned it, then I'm afraid you can't have her. Besides..." He stopped and turned to the dark arch that had no lighting. "Call the girl Winnow for me at once."

The guard nodded and took the torch towards the arch, illuminating the corridor. I held my breath and waited until the guard returned with my daughter.

She was so small and skinny it hurt to see her, and she was clutching the hem of her dress with both fists and her knuckles white. The guard placed her in front of Gareth, and no iota of warmth showed in his eyes on seeing his daughter.

Garreth crouched to her level, his voice gentling into something almost tender. "Tell this everyone the truth, sweetheart. Is she your mother?" Gareth pointed towards me.

And I was about to shout— How would she even remember? She was three when I left, and I am covered in mud.

But Winnow's gaze darted between us, her lower lip trembling harder with every second that passed. "I don't know her." The words came out thin and frightened. "I don't know who she is."

My knees nearly buckled.

"Winnow—"

"Mommy." She broke before I could say another word, turning and running straight into Nadia's skirts, sobbing now, her whole small body shaking. "Mommy, don't let her take me. I don't know her, Mommy, please."

Nadia's hand settled on Winnow's head, slow and possessive, her eyes finding mine over the top of the child's hair with something close to triumph.

"There, there." Her voice had gone soft in a way that made my skin crawl. "No one's taking you anywhere, darling. Mommy's right here."

"She's scary." Winnow's fists twisted deeper into Nadia's skirts. "Make her go away. Please, Mama, make her go away."

"Shh." Nadia stroked her hair, gentle as any real mother, and that gentleness was somehow the cruelest thing I had seen all night. "I won't let anyone hurt you. I promise you that."