CHAPTER TWENTY

Payton

“AM I REALLY a control freak?” I asked Macey as we watched the rest of the group dancing on the floor a few feet in front of us.

She turned away from the dance floor and focused on me. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Mace.”

“Okay. Let’s just say, you’re a bit of a hyper-administrative enthusiast, like me.”

“I think I prefer ‘outcome enthusiast.’”

Macey laughed. “Ohmigod, that’s good.”

“You really shouldn’t be surprised by my brilliance.” I shook my head. “But, be serious for a second.”

“You’re thinking about what Hawk said?”

I nodded.

“Okay.” Macey sighed. “You know how people pretend to be afraid of me?”

“No one pretends, Mace.”

Macey giggled. “For the sake of argument, let’s say they do pretend.”

“Okay.”

“Well, although people aren’t typically afraid of you, they do want to live up to you.”

I wrinkled my nose. “What?”

“You’re an ideal, honey. People are drawn to you because you’re beautiful and confident, and then they find out you have a wicked sense of humor and are sweet on top of that, and they can’t help but want to be near you. But you expect the highest and best out of people and when they don’t perform, you tend to back away a little.”

My stomach churned a bit. “Why am I an ideal?”

“This is where I find you totally fascinating.” Macey grinned. “On the outside, you appear to be perfect—” I opened my mouth to object, but she held up her hand. “I know, I know, you’re not perfect. Just listen.” I rolled my eyes, but I did close my mouth again. “Your family is amazing, you’re amazing, even your pets have all been amazing.”

We’d owned two dogs throughout our lives, a boxer and a black lab. Our boxer died when I was about ten and our lab had died about three years ago. My parents couldn’t bear to get another one, especially since us kids were all out of the house, so we were currently petless… unless you counted the stupid cat that showed up at the door and refused to leave. Probably because Mom fed it every day. But Macey was right. Our dogs had rocked. We’d taught them tricks, they never had to be leashed because we all worked with them, so yeah, they were pretty amazing.

“Your parents adore each other and have been married forever, you’re actually close to your siblings, and you’re all smart, educated, and other than you… although, that will happen, I know it… have married their soul mates. What isn’t attractive about that?”

“But?” I said.

“But, and I say this not because there’s anything wrong with you, just an observation.”

“Yeah, yeah. Get to it, Mace.”

“You have dated a lot of guys, honey. And other than Brendon and Curt, they’ve never lasted more than two or three months.”

“Well, that’s because I loved Bren and Curt.”

“I know. I get it. But once you slept with them, you kind of went off them.”

“What?” I gasped. “I did not.”

“You waited to sleep with Curt for, what… nine months?”

I nodded.

“And your relationship lasted one year and two days, right?”

“Yes,” I grumbled.

“And with Brendon you ultimately waited a year, honey. That’s a long time for a guy to wait for something, especially when you’d already given him a little taste.”

“Well, I needed to know if I loved him.”

Macey squeezed my arm. “I’m not judging, honey. Just laying out the facts. You and Brendon lasted about two years, but in the end, you just weren’t ‘all that into him.’ That man moved mountains to make you happy, which I personally think was part of the problem.”

“What do you mean?”

“He got so wrapped up in everything Payton, he lost himself in the process. And that’s on him, by the way, not you.”

“So you’re saying I’m kind of a bitch?”

“No!” she rushed to say. “Not at all. Neither of them fought for you. When you dumped them, they just went away, even though I know for a fact they were devastated. But if they loved you as much as they claimed, why wouldn’t they fight? In the end, I just don’t think either of those guys were your soul mate.”

“And?”

“And I think Hawk might be.”

“Shut up!”

Macey smiled. “He’s known you for what, a week?”

“Yes.”

“And he’s figured you out, but not only that, he challenges you, which scares you.”

“No, he terrifies me,” I admitted.

“I know how you feel, honey. It was the same with me and Dallas. It’s frightening when someone knows you so well, they can ruin you.”

I chuckled. “Dallas would never ruin you.”

“I know, but we’ve known each other for a really long time… it’s far scarier when someone figures you out after a week. You don’t know Hawk well enough yet to know if you can trust him.”

“I can trust him,” I said. I knew that I could, without a doubt.

Macey grinned.

“Oh, shut up,” I grumbled.

“Just go with it,” she said. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I can think of a lot of things.”

“If your heart gets broken, honey, you have a shit ton of people to put it back together. And if it doesn’t and you find the love of your life, then you’ve gained everything.”

She had a point.

“Ladies.”

I glanced up to see two men standing at our table. One blond, one dark-haired, both bearded and very Portland hipster.

“Would either of you like to dance?” the blond one asked.

“No thanks,” Macey said, and flashed her wedding finger.

“It’s just a dance,” he argued.

“No.”

“What about you?” he asked me.

“Not much of a dancer, but thanks anyway.”

“Come on,” the dark-haired man slurred. “One dance.”

Macey leveled both of them with a stare. “You sound drunk to me, and even if you weren’t, I don’t dance with anyone other than my husband, so I’d highly suggest you just walk away.”

The blond one scowled, but they did in fact walk away, and Macey and I went back to watching the other girls still out on the dance floor.

“I wish I liked to dance,” I admitted.

Macey giggled. “Me too.”

“I have to pee. I’ll be right back,” I said, and pushed my chair away.

“You need me to come with?”

“No, I’m good. Just watch the table and my purse.”

Macey nodded and I headed for the ladies room. I was washing my hands when the bathroom door opened and I glanced in the mirror to find dark-haired hipster guy stepping inside.