An Aftermath

I woke up before Jax, lying perfectly still as the memory of the midnight rink hit me. We almost kissed. The thought was repeating itself in my head, a song I couldn't stop playing.

I dressed in a blur, barely looking at Jax as he turned in bed. I muttered something about an early philosophy seminar and practically ran out the door. I needed space.

Dr. Aris was droning on about Virtue Ethics, but I didn’t hear a single word. My notebook, usually organized, was a mess. I had drawn a rough sketch of a hockey rink, and my pen kept hovering over the spot near the visitor’s goal where we had fallen.

"Mr. Simpson? Would you care to weigh in on the concept of the Hidden Self?"

I jerked my head up. A few students turned to look at me.

"I... I think the hidden self is often the most honest version, even if it’s the one we’re most afraid of," I managed to say, my voice sounding thick.

Dr. Aris nodded, satisfied, but my heart was racing. I wasn't talking about philosophy; I was talking about the guy currently sleeping in my apartment. I spent the rest of the class staring at the clock. I felt like I was wearing a sign that said “ I almost kissed my rival at midnight.”

"Liam! Hey, over here!"

I turned to see Toby and Chloe standing near the trophy case. Chloe looked like a dream in a cream colored sweater, her hair pulled back. She looked so pretty.

"Hey," I said, forcing a smile and giving her a quick side hug and cheek peck . "How was your morning? You look beautiful.”

"Better than yours, apparently," she teased, reaching up to smooth my hair. "You look like you didn't sleep a wink. Were you up all night watching a movie again?"

"Something like that," I lied, my stomach doing a nervous flip.

"Man, did you hear the news?" Toby asked, leaning in closer. He looked energized, the way he always did when there was fresh gossip. "The drama in the Fine Arts department is wild today."

"What happened?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

"Two guys from the theater program," Toby whispered, though his eyes were bright with excitement. "A junior and a senior. They were found last night. Apparently, someone saw them in the parking lot behind the theater. The school board is already talking about conduct violations because one of them is on a leadership scholarship."

My blood went cold.

"It’s brutal," Chloe added, her voice full of genuine pity. "I mean, I don't care who people love, but this is Northwood. The boosters are so old school. If those guys don’t lose their scholarships, I wonder how socially awkward they would be. I heard one of them was kicked out of his frat this morning."

"They're basically social pariahs now," Toby said, shaking his head. "In a place like this, where your reputation is everything? Can you imagine the trauma?Over one night?"

Toby laughed a little, not out of malice, but out of a thank god it's not us kind of relief.

"Imagine if that happened in the Athletic department. The scouts would run so fast you’d see smoke. A hockey player coming out at Northwood? That’s a career suicide mission."

I felt like the floor was tilting. I looked at the trophy case.

Every word they said felt like a hammer hitting a nail.

Career suicide mission.

Social pariah.

Done.

"Liam? You okay?" Chloe asked, her hand resting on my arm. "You've gone totally pale."

"I... yeah," I stammered, stepping back. "I just realized I forgot my gym bag in the lecture hall. I have to go."

"We’re still meeting for dinner, right?" Chloe called after me.

"I'll text you!" I shouted back, already moving.

I didn't go back for a bag. I ran toward the gym, my breath coming in short, panicked bursts. Every person who smiled at me, every teammate who gave me a high-five; would they still do that if they knew?

I burst into the locker room, expecting it to be empty, but someone was there.

Jax was sitting on the floor, leaning against his locker, his headphones around his neck. He looked up at me, his eyes searching mine. He saw the panic. He saw the sweat on my forehead.

"Liam?" he asked, standing up slowly. "What happened? You look like you’re about to have a heart attack."

I looked at him. He was the most dangerous person in my life, and yet, looking at him was the only thing that made my heart stop racing.

"They found out about some guys in the arts program.”

Jax’s expression hardened. He knew exactly what I was talking about. Then his face became relaxed.

“So?”

“So?” I repeated.

“They found out about guys in the arts program making out. You aren’t them, they ain’t you. Why are you bothered, why do you care?

I couldn't explain what I was feeling at that moment.

“You’re straight captain, aren’t you?”

I nodded. “ I am.”

He sure knew how to pretend, just as rash as he was. I knew we both understood what I was talking about.