LOGINTaking yet another glance at the clock on the kitchen wall, I drummed my fingers on the breakfast bar. This was torture. It'd be another twenty minutes before Drew came to collect me. Why had it only taken half an hour to get ready?
Of course, I knew why. Afraid I'd get held up at the shop at closing time, I'd set my alarm for stupid o'clock this morning so that I could spend an hour and a half in my tiny bathroom, bathing, shaving, trimming and plucking. Despite being absolutely certain nothing was going to happen, I still had this niggling feeling I should be, well... Prepared. Just in case. But nothing was going to happen. Although Drew and I had spoken by phone a couple of times since Sunday evening, neither one of us had alluded to doing anything other than drinking champagne and watching pay-per-view movies. Which suited me just fine. Besides, it was a good idea to pamper yourself once in a while, wasn't it? Especially on your birthday. So why the hell did I feel so nervous? I'd been alone with Drew countless times before, spent many a pleasant evening in his company. This would surely be no different, just a change of venue. "Oh, for God's sake..." I muttered, irritated by my own restlessness. And sliding off my stool, I strode purposefully into the living room, pausing to grimace at my reflection in the mirror above the fireplace. "Get a grip!" There wasn't anything to be nervous about. I even looked reasonably okay, I thought, offering up a thank you to the goddess of good hair days. My dark, shoulder-length waves were curling in the right direction for once, and that new mascara I'd bought had actually delivered on its promise to lengthen my lashes. And further bucking the trend, I'd managed to iron the collar on my favourite white shirt so that it fitted against my neck and wasn't trying to crawl off down my back like it usually did. No, so far as outward appearances went, not bad at all. The rest, well... The girl in the mirror grimaced back at me. For heaven's sake, Drew wasn't going to see the rest, so why worry? Everything was going to be fine. And for a moment, I was almost convinced—until the sound of a car pulling up outside made my heart skip a beat... Though that was nothing compared to what it did when I hurried to the window to discover it wasn't Drew. It was my parents, already climbing out of their Volvo estate, the street lamp illuminating the small gift-wrapped parcel in my mother's hand. "Oh shit!" I breathed, appalled by their spectacularly bad timing. When Mum had called me on Wednesday to say they'd returned home safely from their cruise, I'd decided to say nothing about the fact that I'd be staying in a hotel on the night of my birthday. Worse still, I hadn't said anything at all about going out with Drew. I'd meant to send Dad a text message saying I was meeting up with some friends in town so that he wouldn't feel the need to pop over. How could I have forgotten? Not much I could do about that now. But Drew wasn't due to arrive yet, not for another quarter of an hour. And already praying he'd be late, I hurried out to the hall. If he didn't turn up bang on time, there was still a chance Mum and Dad would be gone by the time he arrived. "Happy Birthday!" Mum said brightly the moment the door swung open, wearing that slightly odd half-smile I'd come to dread. I could still remember how she used to smile, her whole face crumpling with pleasure. It felt like light years ago now. "Ah." The smile, such as it was, faded abruptly as she took in my appearance. "You look... smart." That too seemed to be about as much of a compliment as she could pay me these days. "On your way out?" "Actually, yes," I said, feeling ridiculously guilty considering I wasn't lying. "I'm so sorry—I meant to let you know. And now you've come all the way over here..." By now, Dad had joined her on the doorstep, his smile rather warmer. "Doesn't matter," he said cheerfully. "We only came to bring your pressie. June—" He gave my mother a meaningful nudge. "Give her the present, then." "Oh." Looking flustered, she glanced down at the neatly-wrapped parcel she clutched against the lapel of her coat. "Happy birthday," she said again, holding it out to me. "It's just a little something we picked up in Barbados." "Thank you," I said automatically, at the same time wondering whether there was any way I could get out of opening the package in their presence. "You shouldn't have." You're our daughter," Mum snapped back at once, her tone so brittle I cringed. "Of course we should." I swallowed hard. Amazing—we'd arrived at a painfully awkward moment in record time. Maybe next year I should just cancel my birthday. "Do you want to come in a minute?" I mumbled helplessly. "It's chilly out here." In more ways than one. "Just for a moment, then," Dad said, his cheeriness noticeably forced now. "Don't want to hold you up." Defeated, I stepped to the side then followed them in, not bothering to check my watch again. It was a vain hope, anyway. Drew was never late.The following day, I dressed carefully. I had one of Blaine's dress shirts, one I'd borrowed months earlier after sleeping late at his place and rushing to get to work on time. I wore that, belting it over a pair of jeans, and drove to Minah's yoga studio. Her car was in the parking lot behind the building, so I parked down the street and strode confidently through the front doors."Welcome to Shanti Yoga," came the pleasant greeting from behind the reception desk. A sweet-looking girl wearing a sports-top stood as I entered. "Our class just started, but there's another in forty-five minutes.""Actually, I'm here to see Minah," I said.She smiled. "Of course! I'll call her up."Before the girl could even grab the phone, it was ringing. She frowned, then picked it up."Hi, Minah. You have a—" She stopped, listening, then glanced at me fearfully. "Um, okay."She hung up and bit her lip. "I'm really sorry, but she said she'd like you to leave."I laughed. "Those were her words?"The girl
Normal people would probably have directed their anger at Axel. They would have mourned, grieved, then picked up the pieces and moved on, finding some new joy in the world. There would probably be some anger reserved for Minah. She certainly wasn't blameless, but her role had hurt Axel more than it hurt me. Frankly, normal people would probably have been relieved that it was over. Being stuck in the middle of their insane relationship wouldn't have been anyone's idea of fun.I was so far from normal.The first thing I needed to know was if Minah was truly the one hitting Axel. I was fairly certain. He had all but confirmed it, but I needed full certainty before I did anything to her. I needed to see it for myself.We all have to have morals of some sort.I brought my car to the dealership and traded it in for a much shittier car and some cash to pay my next month's rent. Then I immediately drove it to Axel and Minah's house, parked it down the street a bit, and walked to the nearest b
I responded instinctively, my mind blank, the voices and the anger and the terror silent as I kissed him back. It was everything, it was all I wanted, him and his mouth and his body pressed to mine as he stole my lips. My body rejoiced, on fire, eager, wanting more and more and more, and I gave in. I kissed him, I touched him, I ran my hands up his arms and to his neck.My fingers brushed along the raised scratches on his throat and I froze."Axel," I mumbled, trying to turn my head away from him.He directed my mouth back to his and I struggled away again."Axel, stop."He did, eyes opening as he stopped kissing me, and it took every bit of strength I ever had or ever would have again to push him away.Mental strength, at least. Axel didn't move away from me, but he stopped touching me. He watched silently as I touched my lips with my fingertips and tried to understand what had just happened."What are you doing?" I whispered.His jaw twitched but he didn't answer."Axel, what the fu
I didn't have enough friends for word to spread like wildfire. It spread more like melted wax, dripping and hardening and cracking, the truth burning away until it piled up into a grotesque, uneven lump.Still, Minah's story spread to the few friends I did have. They made sure to tell me how disgusted they were on her behalf, how gracious she was to offer to help me after I'd done so much to hurt her, how selfish and arrogant and creepy I was. Then the messages dried up, my phone stopped vibrating with angry texts and mocking voicemails, and I was alone.I applied for unemployment payments and was rejected. I considered Minah's suggestion of seeing a doctor and rejected that myself. I didn't have that kind of money, and I sure as hell wasn't going to ask Minah for help.I huddled in my basement for a week. The air was hot and sticky, clinging to me, trapping me, enveloping me in spider's silk, but I was so cold. I put on layers of sweaters and buried myself in blankets, sweat dripping
"Is he hurting you?" I whispered."No!" she spat. "He would never. He would never lay a fucking hand on me, understand?"I recoiled, stupidly stunned by the sudden venom in her voice. This wasn't the Minah I knew. This wasn't my Minah, my friend, my roommate, the woman who was beautiful and sweet and peaceful. When had she become... this? When had she turned from my Minah to the crying, angry, shaking woman before me?Worse, why hadn't I noticed?I was supposed to be her friend."You need to tell him," I said. "Minah, you have to tell Axel. You can't just—""Tell him?" She laughed, a sound like crumpled plastic bags, and shook her head. "What, so you can swoop in and comfort him and beg at his feet for him to finally fucking notice you?"I swallowed the pain and shook my head. Pricks of vertiginous numbness swirled through my body, dizziness that overtook the tips of my fingers and toes, shivered up my spine and through my ribs, squeezing my lungs and stomach like a vice.she knowsOf
I slumped low in the seat, only my forehead visible through the window, my eyes following as Blaine walked to his car, got in, and drove away. He didn't notice my vehicle or see me. Still, it took a long, long time before I could peel my fingers away from the steering wheel and open the door, stepping out on legs that knocked together as I walked.When Minah answered the door, she stared at me for a moment. Her lips were still slightly swollen, her hair artfully mussed up around her head."Cecily?""Hi."She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me in close. I could smell him on her, the scent of sex, bitter and musky and wrong. She was supposed to smell like Axel, not like Blaine."Come in. I've been so worried about you."I followed her through the house numbly, hardly listening as she spoke. She got me a glass of water and we sat at the kitchen table."How are you feeling?" I asked.She put a hand on her stomach. There wasn't even a hint of a swell of anything there, but she smiled d
Not looking at me, Drew blew out an exasperated breath."I'm naïve?" It was odd, the sudden burning sensation I could feel in the middle of my chest. A kind of knot, pulling tighter and tighter. "Because I'm daring to believe I could do something better with my life? Because for once, I'm wondering
Montague Street was about a mile from where I lived, slap bang in the middle of town. Drew had purchased number twenty-two, a dilapidated and frankly rather ugly two storey building, on moving back to Stow Newton three years ago. He'd intended to do the place up in his spare time, convert it into t
The thundering in my ears became a tumultuous roar, a wash of heat surging through my body like molten lava, spreading fire until every part of me was aflame. His hands burned on my waist, branding me as they swept slowly upwards, holding me to him in an act of raw possession, binding me ever close
What the hell...? Completely taken aback, I felt my eyes growing wider and wider. "Drew," I began, not knowing quite what I was going to say. "Look—""Or do you know?" he added, his eyes narrowing, that cold glint returning. "Maybe you're not that naïve after all. Maybe this is all part of the deal







