MEMORIES IN SOFT FURS

Chapter 006

CELESTE:

I was leaning against the stone walls in the orphanage lobby, staring into space with vacant eyes. Everyone had a solemn expression on their faces. “These children, they deserve so much better,” Esme said softly beside me.

“They do.”

Alice approached me with a teddy bear in her hands. “I want you to have this,” she said, looking up at me with her wide eyes.

My eyebrows knitted in confusion. “Me? Why are you giving me this, Alice? It’s your favourite teddy, which helps you sleep at night.”

She shook her head slowly. “The others say I’m a big girl now, and that I need to stop sleeping with my teddy. Plus I want you to have it, so that when I’m gone, you can use it to remember me.”

Tears stung the corners of my eyes as my nostrils flared. I covered my mouth with my palms to hold back the sob that threatened to escape. “Alice… you don’t have to.” My voice was soft and choked with emotion. She shouldn’t feel this helpless. She was only but a child. Too young to understand much of this world.

She wrapped her tiny hands around my waist and I reciprocated the hug. Esme watched us from the side with a small smile. “You two are so cute,” she remarked softly.

From the corner of my eyes, I caught sight of sister Theresa walking towards us and I had to forcefully break away from Alice and straighten up. It was almost instinctive. Not like I was doing anything wrong, but after years of living here and being around her, I’ve come to realize that the woman hates joy and happiness.

Alice followed my line of vision and a little scowl formed on her face. “I’ve seen the way she treats you, I don’t like it,” she said sternly.

“Shh, Alice, not another word about this, I don’t want you getting in trouble.”

She folded her hands in protest, pouting her lips for emphasis. “You always said we should stand up for ourselves and never let anyone pick on us.”

My shoulders dropped as an exasperated sigh left my lips.”Alice… there are some things about the adult world you don’t quite understand yet.”

“Yeah like physical abuse,” Esme retorted under her breath. I nudged her with my elbow.

“It’s time for afternoon prayers, let’s go,” I reminded her, conveniently changing the topic. We didn’t say much to each other as we headed back to the chapel.

One of the older sisters took the bible readings and prayers for the afternoon, and all I managed to do was mumble ‘amen’ when they got to the end of each prayer. My mind was so distant that I barely paid attention to anything.

“I want you, Celeste Williams.” The low baritone voice reverberated deep in my subconscious. My throat bobbed as I swallowed. I didn’t want it to. I didn't want to think about him.

I was lost in my world, thinking of all the potential things I could have said, that I should have said. Maybe if I were a bit meaner, he would back off.

He was the reason I practically got flogged like a little girl by sister Theresa, but for some reason, I’m not mad at him for that. To be fair, the woman is a witch.

I shook my head at the thought. “Forgive me, lord,” I muttered to myself, clutching my rosary. It was unbecoming to call a nun a witch. She was a servant of the lord after all, she just had her flaws, just like I do.

Who am I to judge? I’m sitting in church, thinking about a man…

A cold hand grabbed my shoulder, making me flinch out of shock. “You’ve been sitting here for a while, I got tired of waiting, Personal prayer?” Esme asked, leaning too close for comfort.

I shifted a little. “You really have to stop scaring me like that,” I breathed.

She shrugged, “You’re the one becoming too skittish these days. Don’t tell me it’s still about that dream?” Her voice came out louder than expected and my eyes grew wide.

“Esme!” I cautioned.

She covered her mouth after gasping. “Oops, sorry,” she replied apologetically. “I’m not supposed to say that out loud.” She added, then leaned closer so that only I could hear. “But is it about that dream though?”

I nodded slowly, then I paused and shook my head. “It ’ ’s—it’s not just a dream…” I grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer. “I saw the man from the dream, in real life.”

She blinked, as if unsure how to react. “Well I mean… some people see things from their dreams manifesting in real life.”

“It’s not just that, I mean… he’s here in this church.”

“Just to be clear, you’re telling me, the man in your dream… You know, the wet dream, is here in this church?” She paused for a beat and then gasped. “Is it one of the archbishops?” She covered her mouth.

Her statement threw me off, and I frowned. “What?” I blurted. “No… what in the heavens would make you think…” I paused, sighing. “He was that guy… The one that wanted to see me the other day.”

“And how are you sure it’s him?”

“I’ll admit, in the dream, the face isn’t too clear, but the moment I saw him in person, I recognized the shape of his face, it’s the same face in my dreams, Esme.”

She pondered a bit. “Maybe you’ve seen him somewhere before the dreams,”

I shook my head, more to myself than anyone else’s. I had seen him constantly ever since he first came to the church. “That would even be worse, you know that fantasizing about someone in a sinful manner is as bad as committing adultery.”

Esme groaned.”You really believe in sister Theresa?”

“It’s in the bible.”

“Where?” She deadpanned.

I was just about to open my mouth to defend my point when I saw him, just around the corner. He seemed to be having a conversation with Mother Lucia.

“Esme, let’s go.”

Without wasting time, I got on my feet. “Wait up,” her voice echoed behind me as I briskly walked towards the other exit. “Why the rush?”

“Just walk, I’ll explain later.”

When I was sure that we were away from his line of vision, I stopped and leaned on the wall, placing my arm on my chest. “That was close,” I said.

“Was it?” A familiar masculine voice rang.