SIN FOR ME

-----~[AMELIA]~-----

The late afternoon sun shines through this idyllic town of ours called Willowbrook in a warm, golden glow as I stroll along the tree-lined streets. School has just ended for the day, and the air is filled with the excitement of the approaching weekend. But amidst the carefree laughter and youthful chatter that filled the air, I am currently carrying a heart wrenching secret, one that weighs heavily on my young heart. It's inevitable and ignorable. No matter how hard I try to shove the matter away, I can't. It keeps wrecking havoc in my head.

I and Lily Mitchell have been best friends since we were  toddlers. Our lives were entangled like the branches of the ancient willow tree that stood proudly in the center of town. We are  totally inseparable and indestructible. We share everything—our dreams, our secrets, and even our first heartbreaks. We have kind of an oat-like promise between ourselves that makes us spill out any secret we have within ourselves no matter how hard we try to keep it.  But there is one huge......I mean..... massive, enormous secret I am currently keeping locked away, deep within the pits of my soul, a secret that has definitely threatened to take apart my friendship with Lily and shake the foundation of my world.

At eighteen, I am no longer new to the fluttering butterflies that follows the thrill of young love. I am definitely not. I have  experienced crushes before, harmless infatuations that come and go like fleeting whispers on the wind after days and weeks of relentless longing.

But this is different. This is something I dare not speak of anywhere, not even in the silent confessions shared with my diary. It's something huge....I mean....big and......damn.....so bloody unimaginable...

Mr. Daniel Mitchell, the stunning figure who commands the attention of everyone in town, including poor little fragile hearted me, is the source of my  desires. With his salt-and-pepper curly red hair and piercing blue eyes, he possesses an air of wisdom and attraction that grabs my poor weak emotional heart. He is Lily's father, a pillar of the community and a respected businessman, and my affection for him is as you should know by now, a forbidden flame threatening to swallow me whole deep down within the depth of my soul.

As I walk along the familiar streets, My thoughts divert to the countless sweet heartwarming moments spent in the Mitchell household, where laughter and warmth fill the air. Lily and I would often cuddle together in her room through countless sleepovers, sharing secrets and giggle into the night. But there are times apart,  when my gaze would irresistibly linger a little longer on Mr. Mitchell....I just can't help it.  My heart would flutter in my chest like a caged bird desperate for freedom.  I just....I just... argh...

I have tried to fight these feelings, to kill the fire that burned within me for this handsome godly temptation of a man. I always try as much as possible to remind myself that he is off-limits. Totally off-limits, an untouchable dream I can never pursue, a forbidden gift I can never recieve. But no matter how hard i push these emotions aside, they refuse to be silenced, they fucking refuse to be eliminated. Each stolen glance, each accidental brush of our hands, sends shivers of longing and desperate craving down my spine. At times, I feel like I should just die. It's....it keeps driving me nuts. It keeps driving me insane. I can't think clearly whenever I am around him, I can't even breathe, I can't.... urghh...

The weight of my secret began to take its toll on me. There are times I will totally withdraw myself from Lily and her family , to protect myself from falling deeper, creating an invisible barrier between us, fearful that my true emotions would betray me and by chance expose before her causing total catastrophe. Lily always noticed this and sorted out relentless methods to stop my withdrawal and after a while, I will return back but the stupid idiotic feelings will return in a hundred folds driving me totally nuts. 

I have tried busying myself with academics, burying my time and thoughts in textbooks and extracurricular activities, hoping the distractions would keep out the ache and longing in my heart. But even as I excelled in my pursuits, my longing for Mr. Mitchell only grew stronger, impossible to ignore, impossible to avoid. 

FUCK!!!

My internal struggle increased as I battle with guilt, torn between my loyalty to Lily and the forbidden desires that consumed me. It kept creating painful tremors within me without stopping. I long for a redemption, for the heaviness in my chest to disappear, but the more I try to suppress my feelings, the more they demand to be acknowledged, the more they desire to be acted upon......

DAMN IT FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!!!!

As the sun begins to set, casting long shadows on the pavement, I find myself standing outside the Mitchell household. I hesitate for a moment. My sweaty nervous hand are hovering over the polished doorknob with my heart pounding with equal parts fear and  anticipation. A voice inside me urges me to step back, to resist and flee from the temptation that lay beyond this door. But another voice, controlled by desire and curiosity, whispers seductively, beckoning me to take that fateful step.....

With a mixture of eagerness and longing, I turn the knob, my heart pounding hard and relentlessly in my ears like a tribal drum. Well, what's the jumpiness for? I am only here to see my friend and nothing more. Yes. That's what I am here for.  

'Yes. You are not here for that sexy stunning red haired god of a man, right?' My mind questions and I gulp. 

"....."

For fuck's sake Amelia..!!!!

I immediately shake my head. No. I am here just to see Lily. That's all. I will get in, greet her, I won't definitely stay too long. I have to be at home anyway to help mum with stuff... yeah. That's it.  Just greet Lily and disappear. That is all. I take in a  deep breath trying to cool off my racing nerves. I can do this. I definitely can. Oh yes I can. Heck yeah.....

I step inside, my senses immediately filled by the familiar scent of Lily's home—a blend of warm  cookies and soul soothing fragrant flowers. But today, something is different. The air seems charged with a serious amount of tension, an invisible barrier that separates the familiar from the forbidden.

As I  make my way through the long corridor leading to the large sitting room of the house, the sound of hushed silent voices reach my ears. My steps slowed and uncertainty eats away at my insides. Should I retreat, disappear back into my comforting realm of relief? Or should I allow myself this one  moment and risk the fragile balance that holds my sanity together? I am afraid if I see him again, I might just be forced to throw away my conscience out the window. 

My heart raced as I approached the source of the voices, my hands are heavy with nerves as I approached the door that would take me straight into my long avoided hell. I know that behind this closed door, Mr. Mitchell awaits, a figure whose presence in my life has become both a blessing and a curse. I stand on the threshold, my entire being aching for freedom, for an end to the relentless tug-of-war that had consumed my soul.

For heaven's sake, what the hell is wrong with me? I am just here to see Lily. Nothing else!!!!

Summoning every atom of courage I possess, I press my trembling hand against the door, and with a deep breath, I push it open, ready to face the aching temptation that is surely awaiting me at the other side.

Little did I know that this single act would begin a chain of events that would forever change the course of my life, challenging my loyalty, and throwing me into a whirlwind of passion, heartbreak, and self-discovery. 

I have unknowingly stepped into a world where whispers in the shadows would test the limits of love,, leaving me no choice but to confront the depths of my own desires.