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CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
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2025-06-16 23:21:49
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SWEET DEBAUCHERY: AN M/M COLLEGE, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE CHAPTER SIXTY EIGHT
CALEBWalking across campus feels like an impossibly long task. Miles and miles of paved pathways that stretch out like a Himalayan wasteland. The sun is out, the day is bright, and the air is fresh with the newness of spring, but to me, it might as well be winter. Everything feels dulled and gray, like I’m looking at the world through a thick and dirty pane of glass. The events of the previous night that I spent with Tyler are a constant, nagging presence in my mind, a toxic residue I can’t scrub away. I’m exhausted in a way that sleep cannot fix, my body still singing with a nervous energy that makes my skin feel stretched like a balloon. The thought of this tutoring session, an obligation forced on me by Vanya is a fresh layer of misery. The name on the email is generic, something like "Tutor A." It’s a formality, a pointless exercise I just have to get through.I find the classroom in a corner of the academic building. The door is ajar, a small, laminated sign next to it listing
SWEET DEBAUCHERY: AN M/M COLLEGE, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE CHAPTER SIXTY SEVEN
CALEB The driver is humming along to the pop song playing softly on the radio station. The blur of streetlights, and passing cars tells me I’m way out of campus environment. My heart is hammering in my chest. What will Tyler be like tonight? The text Tyler sent reads: I need to see you. Tonight. Same place. Don’t tell anyone. Except, it isn't the same place. The Uber pulls up to a sleek, modern building with a neon sign that reads "THE GATEWAY." It’s not the old, grimy, forgotten motel from two nights ago. I get out of the car, the cool night air doing little to calm the curiosity induced fire in my veins. I am not here out of fear this time. I am here out of a cold, empty curiosity. I am here to see if the monster who tormented me is truly broken, or if he is just playing a new game. I send him a text telling him I’m here, the room number is texted to me a moment later. The door is unlocked. I walk in. Tyler is standing in front of the window, at the sound of the door open
SWEET DEBAUCHERY: AN M/M COLLEGE, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
CALEB I’m sitting across from Vanya and Tony in the university dining hall. It’s a buzzing Friday afternoon in here. The clatter of trays, a hundred conversations, is an assault on my sense of hearing. Getting chewed out by Vanya about not choosing a tutor yet is an assault on my ego. I’m picking at a salad that looks dangerously close to wilted weeds. "Honestly, what the hell have you been doing?" She scolds. She’s such a mom sometimes. “Been busy.” I grump. “Busy doing nothing, I bet. Caleb you’re going to fail out of this course if you don’t get your act together. This isn’t high school.” “Vanya," Tony grumbles, pushing his tray away. "He hates asking for help. Right Caleb?…….." He trails off. While I think the cold motel room. The look on Tyler's face. The words I made Tyler say about himself, words that are an echo of my own self-loathing. The "sense of power" I felt is gone, replaced by an even bigger fracture. I am just as broken as I was before. "Caleb?" Van
SWEET DEBAUCHERY: AN M/M COLLEGE, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
CALEB“You need to know what? What does it have to do with me?” the words come out muffled and foreign.The initial terror I felt, now has strange confusion mixed in. Tyler's iron grip is gone, his hands squeezed into balls at his sides. His expression bears a look I’ve never seen on his scornful face before. Raw, vulnerable and desperate. He doesn’t answer my question. He just stares at me, with wide unfocused eyes. I don’t know what’s more irksome, the sight of him just standing there like a lost child or the stale cigarette smell of the motel room. He runs a hand through his hair, betray his deep uncertainty."I’ve been having thoughts.” He mumbles, "Crazy thoughts."My brain, still spinning from the events of the last few minutes, stalls. What thoughts, what do they have to do with me?I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the homophobic slurs that always follow. But nothing comes. Instead, he takes a shaky breath."They’re not jus—" he stops. He looks up at the ceiling,
SWEET DEBAUCHERY: AN M/M COLLEGE, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE CHAPTER SIXTY FOUR
CALEBI haven’t slept in three days. After I ran away from my family, since I vomited on my sister and laid a curse on her husband. In those three it’s been silence from my family, from Ellie. In those three days I’ve sat in this soulless dorm room—I think I’m growing roots. How do I force myself to feel something other than the cold, hollow ache in my chest?My academics are a joke. I can barely bring myself to attend class, let alone focus on my work. The shame from the wedding haunts my days and nights. It sits on my chest, a constant reminder of how I failed Ellie. I’d been fooling around with Tim all while I knew they were engaged, and then what we almost did on Thanksgiving night, how I almost let myself go. I’m so ashamed. Ellie’s right not to speak to me.What about Levi, the cold dread of that night? I always find a way to ruin everything. I know I shouldn't be here. My hand hovers over the Grindr app icon on my phone, a familiar, sick feeling twisting in my gut. After Levi,
SWEET DEBAUCHERY: AN M/M COLLEGE, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE CHAPTER SIXTY THREE
CALEB“Caleb you’re wearing your shirt the wrong way.” Vanya says.I stop short at opening the car door, the metal is cold against my skin. I look down. Yes, i am. I release a long sigh and take it off right there in the middle of the driveway, the morning air pricking my skin like a thousand tiny needles. I slide into the passenger seat without a word and slam the door. I regret it immediately as a wave of pain lances through my skull. Everything has a sickly brown-green tint, through my sunglasses. Like I’m looking at the world through a bottle of beer. Every pothole feels like a personal attack. My brain sloshes with every bump. I have a death grip on the support handle above the window, a desperate attempt to keep my stomach from lurching into my throat. Vanya is as still as stone, as though any movement she makes will cause me pain.My mouth tastes horrible. The weight in my chest heavier than the hangover. I try to close my eyes, and a snapshot from yesterday mauls me: the p
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