Shards of Christmas Past

I sighed in relief the second I pulled into the driveway of our home. My eyes drifting to the rearview mirror for a moment as I watched the kids in the backseat devour their ice cream with a small smile.

Usually I wouldn't have let them indulge in ice cream unless it was the weekend but that was the only thing I could think of to distract them from the fact that I didn't want them to participate in the recital.

Lucien was the stubborn and perceptive one of the twin, sometimes I wished he was less like me and more like his sister. Olivia on the other hand is the easygoing twin, as long as she gets her treats and gifts she's good.

I chuckled lowly, proceeding to unbuckle my seatbelt and climb out of the car. Reaching for the passenger door handle, I pulled it open and leaned down to unbuckle Olivia from her car seat.

“Watch my ice cream mommy,” she whined, holding the cone away from her body so it wouldn't smudge my dress. “I see it baby,” I smiled, lifting her from the car seat and placing her on her feet.

Slamming the door shut, I turned away from her as she walked towards the front porch and walked around the car to the other side, proceeding to do the same for Lucien when I halted mid action.

“I haven't forgotten about the recital mommy, I still wanna do it,” he said as a-matter-fact turning back to lick his mint chocolate ice cream, the exact flavor the person I'd rather not remember loved, yet Lucien was a spitting image of him and sometimes it hurt to look at him.

I sighed deeply shaking my head to rid of those dark thoughts and focusing on the present. Of course the ice cream tactic didn't work on Lucien, I should have known it wouldn't. But it was worth a shot I guess.

“Why won't you listen to me, I know what's best for you,” I sighed for the umpteenth time, brushing the unruly dark curls framing his forehead back and he pouted.

“But I wanna do it, my teacher says it will be fun and also we get to try on costumes for the Christmas play mommy,” he says in one breath, his eyes wide in pure excitement.

“Olivia and I will play sheeps in the manger,” he squealed, punching the air. I felt my heart squeeze at that, Lucien had never been this set on doing something and it killed me to be the one to take that away from him.

“Neither or your sister are participating in the recital and that's final,” I said curtly, my tone sharp and clipped. I didn't want to feed into his expectations that I'd ever allow that, as selfish as it may seem I just couldn't. I ignored the wobbling of his lips and tears that began to gather in his grey eyes and focused on unbuckling his car seat.

When I set him down on his feet, I turned to grab their school bags and lunchboxes when he spoke.

“Is it true you hate Christmas mommy, is that why we never celebrate and you won't let us be in the recital?,” I turned sharply at that, staring wide eyed down at him before slowly crouching to his level and placing both my hands on his shoulders.

“Who on earth told you that?,” he only shrugged in response to my question.

“Sweetie, some people choose not to celebrate certain holidays but it doesn't mean they hate it,” I tried to explain in a gentle tone, but that was a lie.

I couldn't admit to Lucien that I hated Christmas because he'd ask my why and I didn't have it in me to lie to him about that either.

“We can do anything you want or go anywhere you want on New Year's it's your birthday after all, what do you say buddy?,” he frowned, looking at his feet for a little while before raising his head to meet my eyes again.

“But it won't be as fun as Christmas,” he sighs turning around and walking towards the front door, leaving me staring at him.

In the last five years ever since I had the twins we'd never once celebrated Christmas and they had no idea of it's concept until now, which meant someone had been feeding the delusions of how fun Christmas could be to my son and I'm going to find out who. I had someone in mind but I had to clarify that to take certain steps.

With that in mind, I grabbed my handbag and the kids school bags, walking towards the front door when Lily, my maid scurried out of the house just in time, meeting me halfway and taking the kid's bags from me.

I kicked off my heels the moment I walked into my bedroom, sighing in sweet relief as stretched my tense muscles and I plopped down on the edge of my bed. I stared ahead deeply in thought as to what Lucien had said.

Sure I hated Christmas, but it wasn't always like this. Five years ago I got cheated on by my husband Ryan Thompson. Like every love story we were perfect for each other and had met in college, long before I took over my father's business and made it into what it was today.

Ryan and I were the typical power couple, although he was the easygoing, laid back type a trait mirroring that of my little Olivia while I was the ambitious and perfectionist type we complimented each other greatly.

Five years into our relationship, we tied the knot and that day was the happiest day of my life or so I thought. Two years later, we got pregnant with the twins and that was like the cherry on the cake.

Ryan was thrilled by the idea of becoming a father but even though I was scared I was comforted by the idea that I wasn't alone and he was with me.

The memory of the day I caught him cheating replayed in my head over and over again like a broken record. It was a few weeks before Christmas and since I was already in my third trimester I had taken a break from work.

I'd decided to surprise him in his office with some cookies I'd baked earlier that day when I walked in on him with his secretary.

I felt my world shatter before my very eyes and there was nothing I could do about it. I was hurt and betrayed by the one person I'd loved more than anything in this world so without thinking twice I asked for a divorce, which he agreed to.

Although he claimed that it was all a misunderstanding, but the only reason he accepted to sign the divorce papers peacefully was because I was pregnant and it was close to my due date, so he didn't want anything that would put me or the babies in harm's way, but I knew that was all bullshit because I knew exactly what I saw that day.

I was scared and all alone but what had kept me going was the thought of my children. My babies Lucien and Olivia were born on Christmas, but that only served as a reminder of the pain of Ryan's betrayal something I'd rather forget which was why I had the twins birthday changed.

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