Longing for change. Part 2

“When Uncle Daniel comes, can we go on a picnic again?” Manu asked, standing right by her side on the boudoir as she tried to choose her lipstick color.

“Of course. I will not have work until next month, so I can stay here with you.” She ruffled his hair. “We’re also going to the park and I’ll teach you how to ride a bike, what about that?”

She’d managed to buy the bike for the kid some months ago, but it had stayed in a corner of the living room ever since because he did not want to ride with the training wheels…

“Really?” Manu’s face lit up, full of excitement.

“Yes. Now, your grandma and I have to go out for a moment, can you stay at Ana and Ale’s house to play with them?”

“Can’t I go with you?”

“You’ll get bored. Just stay and play with your friends, okay?”

“Okay.” He agreed, albeit reluctantly.

Manu hadn’t turned five yet and he was a sensible kid that clung to her legs so she didn’t leave home, but who would rarely throw tantrums. It made Valeria feel guilty at times that what her son mostly asked for was spending time with her.

People said love came naturally to a mother, like some sort of instinct, something women were born with. However, it had never been that way for her. At first, she did not want to be close to him and was only forced to take care of the infant for months when her mother had to go out to work.

Then she started her studies, changing her plans to more realistic ones and enrolling in the education institute. There were three mouths to feed at home and in order to pay for her studies, Valeria could only get a part-time job as a waitress in a local restaurant. Many times she imagined things would be easier if Manu wasn’t there. He looked so much like that man.

Sometimes she thought she hated him, but these feelings vanished over time, as she watched Manu learn to walk, as he spoke his first words. The child would always stretch his arms towards her, wanting her to carry him, and he slowly carved his place into her heart.

Rosa had told her, a couple of years ago when news of Mateo making it big in the business field reached them, that she should definitely get financial support from him. Later her mother had suggested it too. As if!

He already had money and connections thanks to his family, but now he must be filthy rich. Thinking about those facts, it was fair enough that he took responsibility for his own blood, and yet, the last thing she wanted was to have him involved in their lives.

Mateo already knew about Manu, there was no doubt about it since Valeria had encountered Camila, his cousin and her ex-best friend, in the restaurant where she used to work. Fortunately, he did not seem to have plans to bother them at all. She did not want that kind of horrible person anywhere near her child.

Now she had graduated, and thanks to her professor’s recommendation she already had a job as a substitute in a private school. This, raising her kid and having a good life, she could do it just fine.

***

This was her first time partying in ages, and she was happy. The music and maybe a couple of shots she’d have before they’d hit the dance floor stirred something inside her. It helped that Daniel had become better, who knew he could dance salsa now?

“Have you been practicing?” She asked once they took a break, going for another drink.

“Of course. Don’t you remember Rosa’s wedding? She told me not to embarrass her anymore, and my mother even looked up classes for me to take.”

Valeria laughed so much remembering how much of a mess he was back then. At least he tried. This was one of the good points of Daniel, he never cowered even in situations that were uncomfortable for him.

“I’m going to have a chop. You, Vale?”

“Same.”

She sighed and looked at an older couple that stood out among the younger people dancing to the rhythm of the music. Valeria wondered if it was her who was becoming old, a silly thought as had recently turned twenty-four. 

“My mom hasn’t told me yet, but I know she has someone. A boyfriend. So I’m happy I’ll be able to support myself and Manu, so she can go and live her own life.”

Maria Hernandez had not engaged in a relationship ever since Valeria was old enough to remember. Perhaps she felt the need to take care of her daughter first, and the grandson added to her worries. At forty-five, she was still young and deserved to indulge in whatever made her happy.

“Is that so? Good, I’m glad for Aunt Maria.” 

The bartender handed their drinks, and Valeria gulped hers down trying to satiate her thirst. Daniel’s next question made her choke. “What about you?”

She coughed and cursed herself for that reaction.

‘Let’s just play dumb.’

“Me? What are you saying?”

“It’s been quite some time since… well, have you seen anyone else since Manu’s father?”

What he wanted to know was if she had moved on, because he cared and he worried, that was the kind of person Daniel was. Still, she wished he wouldn’t have asked.

“No, and don’t call him ‘Manu’s father’, he does not deserve to be anyone’s father.”

“I’m sorry.”

Valeria also knew he, like everyone else, misunderstood the feelings she had towards Mateo. There she was, the poor girl abandoned by her boyfriend, heartbroken.

It was annoying.

She could let the whole world think that because the truth was more shameful, but she did not want Daniel to believe it too.

Was it around four months ago, when he last came? She’d tried to confess her feelings and asked him if he thought she was attractive, and he’d given her this same look, a mix of tenderness and pity, and told her anyone would be lucky to be with her.

Apparently not just him. Right after he left, he’d gotten himself a new girlfriend.

“Don’t give me that look. It’s not like I’m pinning over that bastard. I just… I don’t think I’m suited for relationships right now. I’m fine.”

She didn’t need a relationship if it wasn’t Daniel. And since he would never feel the same for her, she’d settle for this life which was safe from the arrival of another man who would give her more scars.

“I’m sure your stories in the love department are far more interesting.”

He smirked. “I might not be suited for relationships either.”

***

The world was in a whirl as they got of the taxi in front of her house. 

“So… see you tomorrow… today?” 

“I’ll help you.” He said, seeing she wasn’t able to walk in a straight line or kind the keys in her short pants’ pockets.

“No… no, I can…”

She couldn’t.

Halfway in the corridor she almost entered her mother’s room, and he had to hold her by her shoulders until they entered hers.

The problem was, she held his wrist and did not let go.

“Stay a bit more.” Her other hand patted the bed, as if inviting him to lie down there.

“You’re too drunk.”

Valeria nodded. If she wasn’t, how could she have the courage to ever act with so much courage?

“It’s fine… I’m safe when I’m with you. I always feel safe when I’m with you.”

Daniel sighed. He was drunk and tired too, and when he thought of crossing to grandpa's house… why make all that effort when he could rest here?

The sheets on her bed smelled of vanilla, too sweet.

After some minutes, when all she was hearing was the sound of his even breathing, Valeria smiled at him, who had his eyes closed and was far gone to the land of dreams.

“I trained myself so much to handle my alcohol because I don’t want something like that to happen ever again. But I’m still a disaster…” She lamented, sobering up at the memory of the night her misery started. “Because I drank too much, I couldn’t defend myself from him. I just wanted to go home. I was so afraid…”

Had Daniel been sleeping, all those words would have stayed another reminiscence of the images she was never quite able to leave behind.

“What do you mean?”