Five - Not A Perfect Mother

Alizeh's POV

Jason kept staring at me with his clueless face.

A commercial of ageing cream played on the café's television. Where everybody looked shocked after a little girl called a young woman a mommy.

The woman in the advertisement looked happy because people thought she was unmarried but that was not the same case with me. Everything happened in slow motion.

Just like in movies, when two actors are in love but here I am in trouble. I stared at Jason, zoning out from where I have been. A big question mark appeared on his face has printed this question, 'Why is she calling you mommy?'

--

I looked at Kiara and her childish smile telling me that this date is soon going to ruin.

"NO" I squealed. Everyone in the café looked at me.

I held Kiara's arm and whispered, "What are you doing here? How did you even come here? Aren't I told you to stay at home?" 

She flinched in her place and looked down guiltily.

"Excuse me! Do you know each other? Why is she calling you mommy?" Jason asked grabbing my attention.

I forgot he is also here.

"Jason, I..."

"Well, wait a minute kid." He looked at Kiara. "Kids these days are naughty. Where are your parents? She must be lost here" He said glancing around.

I fell silent and unfortunately couldn't utter a single word.

Kiara looked at me.

"Here, my mommy is here"

I wanted the earth to gulp me down as he stared at me.

"Is she telling the truth? Are you her mother? That means you kept this thing hidden from me" Jason sounded so upset.

I wanted to undo so many things, rewind time only I have the super skills, aliens, like in Men In Black, Chris Hemsworth is the only worth watching!

"No Jason, listen. I didn't intend to hide anything from you. I was going to share the same. She is my daughter. You are misunderstanding something." I tried to tell him, shifting my focus hard away from Chris Hemsworth on the television screen.

"What do you wanted to share?" He asked.

"About my secret past. About my daughter." I whispered but he kept getting hyper and talked loudly.

Jason looked shocked. His way to look at me changed quickly.

''Alizeh, you are a mother? Means you aren't a widow? Oh my god! But your mum told me that you a widow without a child" He sounded surprised glancing at me and Kiara.

"I know she lied and I am apologizing to you. I didn't intend to lie that's why I called you here to meet in private" I said.

"But you kept me in dark telling all lies since day one!'' Jason asked me, wanting some explanation from me.

"Oh my god, no I don't want to hide it. Yes, my mother must have lied but I was also unaware of her sayings. When I got to know you are a genuine person, I decided to tell the truth to you. That's why I wanted to meet you Jason" I tried to tell him but he doesn't look interested.

''Why you didn't tell me this on the very first day when we started talking?" He looked hyper. Which made me nervous.

"I...see... actually...I... I" I stuttered a lot, swirled the words round and round in my mouth. I looked at Kiara. I can't tell anything about my past in front of her. It might affect her mind as she is just seven years old.

"What?" Jason gave me a look of 'Am I joke to you?'

"It's a little mess now. I can't share it with you in front of my daughter. Let me explain it to you some other day" I whispered.

He folded his hands over his chest, looked at me rather than gazed at me.

"Do I look like a fool to you?" He said.

Why can't he have little patience in his huge body?

"No Jason. You are taking me wrong" I tried to keep my tone low so people around won't hear the conversation but Jason talked loudly.

"Yeah right. Do you know it's a shame that you hide your motherhood!" he spat the words.

My confidence has been thrown on the basket, just like the basketball player has ducked the ball in the basket and earned a point, in the Tv, well I was losing it. This Café TV is disturbing me like anything else.

I wanted to tell him everything, share every bit of my past but now I couldn't tell him anything. He started blaming me for hiding and all I could do was listen to his trash because now I was thinking I owed him after my mother lied about my entire truth. 

After he was done talking, he sighed heavily.

"Listen Alzideh, whatever it is. I think I liked you in these days. You are beautiful. Well settled in work. I don't care about your past."

His sudden behaviour change startled my mind.

"But" He stared at me. "If you want to marry me in the future, you will have to get rid of this" He pointed at Kiara. "I want a single woman, not a mother!"

Not a mother

Not a mother

Not a mother

His words continuously echoed in my mind like a dialogue in any Indian television serial. I felt speechless.

"Get rid of this? What does that mean?" I became perplexed.

"As in, after we get married, we will send her to the boarding school or hostel. Look I am not telling you to cut off your ties with her after all you are her mother. You can provide her with whatever money you will earn, it won't be my responsibility. And you can meet her too but only for few days. I will not like the idea of you spending time with another guy's child" He said. Kiara looked at me.

What should I say now?

For a while, I was in the wordless vacuum of space.

He got up and moved out from the table. I saw him leaning towards my ears.

"So tell me now, what is your decision Alizeh?" He asked. ''Tell me now so I will not waste m time anymore" He stared at me, waiting for my answer while I stared at myself in the glass of his shades, looking like a complete idiot.

I walked out of the coffee shop holding Kiara's hand.

I could see his reaction, shocked, holding his jaw after getting a tight slap from me. I have given him his answer, in the most perfect way.

Bang on Alizeh!!

Getting rid of my daughter? Really?

This is the same guy, my mum wants me wanted me to marry and settle down as soon as possible, who asked me to get rid of my daughter!.

What a chameleon!

Before he gets to know my truth he showed how unprejudiced he was but after knowing the truth he showed his true colours.

"Mommy, what happened Mommy?"

I kept walking ahead without listening to Kiara's blabbering. The anger in me isn't calming down. She started crying. I felt beyond my temper as I thought about Jason. I took a turn and entered the park.

I stopped and looked at her, still holding her hand. She was wiping tears with her other hand, looking away from me. I realised I have been holding her tightly and loosen my grip on her.

"Stop saying Mommy Mommy" I shouted at her.

She started wailing like a stupid little girl.

"And how did you leave the house?" I asked her.

When she refused to look at me, I make her turn at me with her hand I had already held.

''KIA, did you leave the house behind Anna's absence? Did you trick her?'' I asked her. She was sobbing hard, looking down, and gave me an answer in silence.

So she really did!

I left her hand and walked away from her, trying hard to control my anger so I could not pour more on it. I stood turning my back at her. Tears gathered in my eyes. I was an inch away from telling my truth to Jason. He wouldn't have thought then I was hiding this from him. I picked up a little stone and threw it away, swinging up to the sky. I turned back at Kiara, sobbing lightly. This is all my mistake. It's all my fault that I took her with me. Even though she was crying, I try not to melt. I was still feeling raged because of what happened to me a few moments ago.

Can't I even find love in billions of people?

I looked up and let out a sigh. We stayed there in the park for a while, not talking to each other. Until l my phone rang, I picked it as I saw Anna's name flashing on it.

"Hello hello? Ali..?? Kiara..I.She isn't at the home." Anna sounded freaked out.

''Don't worry Anna she is with me'' I told her calmly.

"Ohhhh!! Okay. Well, how was your date?" She asked me now sounding calm.

"I will catch you later Anna" Saying this I cut the call. I wasn't in the mood to discuss anything about my date right now. I felt like crying a little. The date I had prepared for, turned out like this.

I wiped my small tears and walked towards Kiara. She looked withered because of my anger.

Come on Alizeh. She is just a little girl. What do you expect from her more?

She is bound to do mistakes. But she left the house alone which isn't good. I need to talk to her about this.

I did not hold Kiara's hand this time. We silently walked out of the park. When I checked for cabs on the app, I found so many availabilities of cars. Fortunately, I saw the bus. Kiara likes the bus ride. This time I did not run towards it and miraculously it halted till we board on it. While sitting at the place, I saw a hoarding at the bus stop.

"Real things doesn't need to be chased"

_

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