Chapter 2

LOSING MY BEAUTIFUL FLOWER THE HARD WAY

What the fuck!

I didn’t want distractions. I tried rolling onto my back to hide what I was holding.

Too late.

“What the heck are you doing?” he asked, surprise flashing across his face as he reached to flip me over and see my hand.

The heck you couldn’t do, I thought. “Please leave me alone,” I said, clamping the dildo between my thighs.

The tall man used more force, turning me anyway. I could see he was hard again, fully up.

“How can you do this?” he said, grabbing for the toy. I resisted on instinct. He pried harder and yanked it free from me. He tried to keep going, but I squeezed my legs shut. I was done with him. I just wanted to finish myself.

After more struggling, he forced his way in anyway. It wasn’t as painful as the first time anymore. The toy was the miracle worker- made a way where there was none.

I moaned from the mix of pain and pleasure. It went so deep I wanted to scream.

I forced myself to hold still. This pain happens only once, and now is the time.

I gripped the bedsheets for comfort. It hurts like hell.

He was so tight inside me there was no room left. We felt fused together—I worried he might never pull out when it was over.

The tall man kept thrusting until his breathing turned frantic. He yanked out fast, and his release spilled hot across my skin.

Heavy, ragged breaths.

* * * * * *

I cried harder than I ever have. The reality was crashing down all at once.

I’ll never forget the day I basically took my own virginity.

The man tossed a thick stack of bills on the table before he left.

“Call me,” he said, dropping his card. None of it mattered. Realization struck me- I just fucked up. I shouldn't have done this for some guy who’d already moved on to another woman. I could’ve saved it for someone decent, or surprised a real future partner with it.

Now who’s going to value this priceless gift I just threw away? I cried even more.

I snatched the card and ripped it to shreds.

I tore hell out of it .

Two disasters in one day for a 21-year-old small girl like me.

I almost tore up the money too, but stopped myself. Those bills would be useful once I got my head straight.

Blood started trickling out slowly. Seeing it made me scream-cry. The people downstairs and probably those in the next room might hear my crying voice.

* * * * * *

I left the hotel shattered, battered, dreams in pieces. My body didn’t feel beautiful or attractive anymore. I’d fucked up big time, and I knew it. This would live with me forever.

I tried thinking about what came next. My mind was blank. The only clear thought: I was never going to be a “good girl” in this fucking life. Never.

While I bathed at home, my phone kept ringing—16 missed calls from Kova. Rage boiled up seeing his name. Why the hell was he calling?

On his wedding day?

To have me in attendance?

Unsettling questions raced through my mind.

He shouldn’t want me anywhere near his event. I might dump food on everyone or worse—hurt him or his bride. I don’t know if I could actually do it, but if the anger from last night hit me again in his face, something bad would happen. A beast had woken up inside me.

I silenced the phone and slept naked, wrapped only in the duvet.

No dreams.

Just shadows I couldn’t make sense of. My head pounded. I grabbed my phone to check the time, but the missed calls made me forget I wanted to check the time.

Sixty-one now. All Kova. How could he?

At this hour he should be balls-deep in his new wife, having the time of his life with his bride screaming down the roof in pleasure.

Was he feeling guilty? Checking if I was okay? He knew how much I loved him. I gave him everything—three months’ salary in one go. The only thing I held back was sex. I wasn’t ready.

And he repaid me with betrayal. Tears streamed down my cheeks again.

The phone rang. I wanted to answer and scream, ‘Leave me alone, you fucker! Go enjoy your stupid wife!’ But I held back.

It kept going. Then a strange number. I knew it was him using another line. No apologies, no excuses—I didn’t want to hear shit from his cheating mouth.

I paired my phone to the CD player via Bluetooth and went to the kitchen to prepare dinner for myself.

I am sure this meal was going to taste sweeter than any cheating boyfriend ever could. The aroma from the pot already promised comfort. It didn’t take long to finish. I had no real appetite, but blood loss had me hungrier than I could stand.

I have to rush through eating before it gets too late.

Thank God Dad was away—he’d spot something wrong in one glance. The man notices everything; sharper than ten wise men combined.

I carried a plate to the parlor. Still steaming hot.

Calls and texts kept cutting through the music. Had to be him. Why couldn’t he leave me alone and focus on his wife?

If he wanted marriage so bad, why not talk to me? Maybe we could’ve done it together.

Instead he married someone else and kept blowing up my phone. Maybe the new wife was asleep while he harassed me. Or maybe he knocked her up and had to marry quick.

The ringing got insane. I went back to check.

Still Kova.

Then texts: “Please take your call. It was a prank. Everything—fake wedding card. No wedding. Nothing!

What a brain buster!

My hunger for that delicious meal disappeared like smoke.