Chapter 1: chains of faith

I was in my room when I heard my mother crying for help. I attempted to lend a hand, only to discover that I was once again imprisoned in my own room. I had no idea what was going on but I knew she was being beaten by my father again “God I never sought a father, nor did I ever ask for one” I said. My mother bore it all in silence until the day my father walked through the door with a sly-eyed woman on his arm and declared her his new wife. My mom dared not to complain or disagree, she would endure the blows until earth itself became her final refuge. One faithful night, it was raining heavily, thunder was striking like its judgement day, and the sound became trapped and refracted back to the ground. My dad had left home since morning, he was not concerned about what we would survive on nor did he come back home that night to know. My mom decided to risk her life with a heavy stomach so my brother and I could eat, when she came back, everywhere was as dark as vantablack, she tried to navigate her way to her room but she couldn't, then I heard a scream, it was my mom again. I wondered what was going on because my father wasn't around so what could have possibly made her screamed so loud? I went to get my mom with the lamp, when I got there, she was in a pool of her own blood. My so-called stepmom used a blade to cut my mom's back. It would have been good if that was the only thing she was going through that night but unfortunately, she was in labour. My father was not around and my stepmom would not help, my mom only had my elder brother and me, we watched our mom go through pains but we could not help. She stopped screaming and I was relieved that she already finished labouring. Woefully, I didn't hear the sound of a baby crying, then I tapped my mom, but she didn't respond so I thought she slept off, I tried waking her up so she could go to her room but turned out she was fast asleep then I laughed because I couldn't cry and I said: “Oh lord this woman is so lazy, how could she possibly sleep off and forget to bring out the child in her womb”.

Days after days I started to realise that my mother was never going to wake up from that sleep. She was buried after a week and I knew life was not going to be facile for my brother and me so we decided to do anything our step asked us to do, my dad doesn't come home daily again and I knew for sure he doesn't care about anyone anymore. We quit school which was our last option to succeed. She made us hawk to survive, it's not like we didn't have enough money to live, she just wanted us to know what life really is, there was no one to stop her neither was there someone to advise her. My brother got sick at a point and he couldn't get enough treatment. I decided to go to my stepmother for help “Ma please my brother is really sick and he needs urgent treatment”, I said. “ Who gave birth to this useless child? Will you get out of my sight before I struggle you till death”. I went back to my brother and massaged his body with warm water but it kept getting worse so I decided to go on the street to ask for help. No one was willing to help without getting something in return. I sold myself out so I could raise money to treat my brother, as soon as I was able to sell myself to some men, I had some money with me so I decided to go to the pharmacy to get drugs for my brother. I kept doing this until one afternoon, I went to get food for my brother after sleeping with another man and when I got back home my brother was asleep, “ Mike, Mike, Mike” I called but he did not answer, I tried not to believe what I was thinking at that moment, I tried raising him up, his body was as cold as the ice of Antarctica. He wasn't breathing again. I gave up on life at that moment, I didn't try to shout for help or call my stepmother, I only said: “Oh lord, how could my brother sleep off and forget to take me along, he is so forgetful” I giggled. “Winnie” my stepmom called and I answered “Ma”.

“After some days, we buried my brother and that was the last time I had peace of mind. I was relieved because I had no family nor do I have people to worry about, they are all gone.

My father never returned and I had nowhere to go.

My stepmother treated me no better than a slave, forcing me into a life of degradation to fill her pockets. I sold my body to earn for her, yet not a single coin was spared for my own survival. I aborted so many pregnancies at the age of 17 and I watched my life crumble while I was still alive. How could my mother drop a seed of a sweet species where the birds could easily spot it and eat it without anyone to defend it? I lost all hope, nothing was going to change my stepmother's mindset. I continued the work until it turned into what I enjoyed, I served men to their satisfaction. “Winnie” I heard my name from the bathroom and I was so confused, “ who is calling my name”? I turned around to leave the bathroom my spirit slipped away from my body and danced naked with the devil.