Chapter 4

Serena could not count how many times she tried to make herself believe that she had nothing to worry about. Under the bright heat of the sun, every piece of white sand looked like shining glass, but for her, this light only made the nervousness in her chest bigger. It was just a tour. This was only for one day and after this, they would go back to their quiet house and enjoy their holiday, far from the judging eyes of anyone. She had no reason to think about Kael, the man she had buried in her past for a long time.

He is really gone, she whispered to herself again and again while breathing the salty sea air that touched her face.

But while she sat under the big beach umbrella, she felt the hot air and the soft crash of the waves that seemed to not let her rest. She could not stop herself from looking at her son. The blue water reached up to Eli's knees, and he was happily playing in the water. And Kael was with him. Every move Kael made, the way he bent down to match the boy's height, and his soft laugh felt like a knife slowly cutting the peace Serena tried hard to build for five years.

"Tito Kael! Look!" Eli smiled and held up a small shell.

"Nice one."

"I found one like this earlier too!"

"Then you should keep it."

"For my collection?"

"Exactly."

The boy was very happy. Meanwhile, Serena watched them quietly. She did not know what was more scary. Seeing Eli so comfortable with Kael, or seeing that taking care of her son seemed so natural for Kael too.

"Mommy!" Eli called loudly while waving his hand.

Serena looked at them. Her eyes became small because the sun's reflection on the white sand was too bright, looking like shining broken glass. Every piece of sand gave off heat that went right through the bottom of her feet, while the sound of the water on the shore felt like a teasing whisper that did not let her forget. She felt the thick sweat on her back, a direct result of the very tiring heat and the even more tiring presence of the man next to her son.

"Come here! Join us!" Eli begged again.

The happy sound in the boy's voice was the complete opposite of the heavy feeling Serena had. Every laugh from Kael and every move he made felt like a reminder of everything she tried hard to turn away from. The tight feeling was like electricity moving in the air, making every breath she took feel heavy and short.

She shook her head, her fingers tightly holding the edge of her beach dress. "You go ahead, Eli. Mommy is fine here."

"But we're building a grand sandcastle! Look, Tito Kael is helping me with the walls!"

Serena's world seemed to stop when she heard her son say that name, sounding like he was so used to saying it. Kael sitting on the sand, the natural way he acted with Eli—this was the bad dream she was trying hard to avoid. Every crash of the waves felt like it was chasing her, insisting that she could not escape the past if the past itself was building a base right in front of her.

"I'll just watch you from here, baby," she said, even though her voice was shaking a little. The heat from the sun felt even heavier, as if it was forcing her to move closer to the two of them.

"Mommy, please!" Eli begged with a pout, his small hands full of wet sand.

She smiled. "Okay. Fine."

She stood up and walked toward them. Kael glanced at her and they looked at each other for a short moment, but she quickly looked away. Her mind could not handle seeing this. But why should she feel guilty? She knew he was the one who should feel guilty, right? He was the reason their family broke apart. He chose to be a father to a family that was not his.

But why is it like this? Why is she the one feeling this way? Is it because she did not tell him before she left?

"Mommy, Tito Kael said our castle needs a tower!"

"Does it?"

"Yes!"

"Then let's make one."

Serena sat on the sand.

After a few minutes, the three of them were busy making the sandcastle. She did not notice how the time passed. For a moment… It felt normal. It was like they were not strangers. It was like they were not two people with five years between their past. It was like they were just a normal family on a holiday. And that was the exact thing Serena was afraid of.

She stood up. "I'm getting some water."

"I'll get it." Kael stood up fast.

"No, it's okay."

"I don't mind."

She did not know why she suddenly felt annoyed. "I said I can do it."

Kael looked at her but he did not answer. Serena just turned her back. But before she could walk far—

"Mommy?"

She looked back at Eli. "Yes?"

"Can Tito Kael eat lunch with us?"

She became stiff. "Why?"

"Because he's alone."

Serena looked at Kael. He was just holding the small toy shovel while quietly watching the two of them.

"I have plans," he said coldly.

"See?"

Eli looked a little sad. "You're leaving?"

Kael could not answer right away. It seemed like something changed in his face when he saw the boy's sadness.

"I'm not leaving yet."

Eli's face immediately lit up. "Yay!"

Serena closed her eyes.

Oh, no.

~

After one hour, they were inside a private restaurant by the beach. She did not know how she allowed herself to sit at the same table with Kael. She especially did not know how Eli was able to make her agree.

"Mommy, I want pasta, fries, and chocolate cake."

"After lunch."

"Okay!"

Serena smiled. On the other side of the table, Kael was quietly watching the boy.

"What does he like?"

Serena looked up. "Excuse me?"

"Eli."

She stopped for a moment. "He likes almost everything."

"What about school?"

"He's good at math."

"Sports?"

"He likes swimming."

"Favorite color?"

"Blue."

The questions came one after another. She did not notice that her hold on the glass became tight.

"Why are you asking?"

Kael looked at her. "I don't know."

He leaned back a little in his chair. "He's just... interesting. He's very comfortable around me. He's friendly.” Kael remained silent. Then his eyes moved toward Eli. "How old is he?"

Five years.

Serena's breathing stopped. She knew this question would come eventually.

"Five."

"Exactly five?"

"Yes."

"When's his birthday?"

She quickly looked down. "Why?"

"Just asking."

"He was born in March."

"What's his father's name?"

Serena stopped. No sound came out of her mouth. On the other side of the table, Eli just kept eating, not knowing anything about the sudden heavy feeling in the air.

Serena took a deep breath. "He's not part of our lives."

Kael's eyes narrowed slightly. "Dead?"

"No."

"Then why?"

She looked straight into his eyes. "Because some people are better left in the past."

"Tito Kael!"

They both looked back. There was chocolate on the side of Eli's lips.

"Can you help me?"

Kael immediately leaned closer. "With what?"

"Open this."

He handed him a small pack of juice. Kael took it and opened it.

"Here."

"Thank you!" The boy smiled. "You really are useful."

Kael laughed. "Is that a compliment?"

"Yes."

Eli laughed, and while Serena watched them, a strange pain hurt her chest again. Because no matter how much she wanted to hide the truth, there was one thing she could not control.

How much they look alike, their habits, their eyes, and the bond that seemed to naturally grow between the father and son. Kael did not know yet why Eli looked familiar to him. He did not know the truth yet.

But for the first time, he was starting to ask questions. And for Serena, that was the most dangerous thing that could happen.