THREE

Lightheaded….

I felt extremely lightheaded, so lightheaded that I had to lean my head against the headboard to keep myself from fading out, all the while my breaths faltered and my heart pounded heavily against my chest. I could help but think; why was I even alive? first I was forced to marry a cold and extremely heartless billionaire whom I was somewhat attracted to, and then I find myself sinfully attracted to his best friend who was a married man, and then I lose my child, the only thing that had kept me going for the past nine months, it was all too much.

Calan Grant, my supposed husband stood by the bedside staring down at me with a look I couldn’t quite fathom. And seeing him had those painful memories rushing through my mind once more.

*9 months ago….. *

It was a cold night, and I could hear the howling sounds of the winds as they blew intensely, something about them seemed…carefree, unhinged; unstopped and unhindered. And I found myself wishing I could just disintegrate to nothingness, found myself wishing I could have just a taste of so much freedom, wish I could be so unburdened and hinged.

I lay curled up on a sofa in the living room, and when I found myself getting too cold, I decided to head upstairs to my room. The house was quiet, it seemed everyone had retired early due to the weather; it wouldn’t be long before it started to rain. I made my way upstairs and down the quiet hallway, or at least once quiet hallways. The sounds of my footsteps echoed around, however, it wasn’t just mine, the sound of leather cover shoes against the marble floors had me turning around at once.

My breath hitched on seeing him behind me, I hadn’t expected him to be home, I hadn’t even seen him for what? Months? And he was suddenly here looking all glamorous and domineering. I found myself fixed to where I stood, it was as though his frosty grey eyes had frozen me the very second I set my eyes on them. I stood there staring at him as he advanced towards me….no, he wasn’t coming at me, he was going to walk passed, I didn’t affect him in anyway and even I knew I was inconsequential in his life.

My heart pounding so intensely against my chest I feared I would have a heart attack; he always had that effect on me. And just as he was about to walk passed me I heard myself say;

“Wait….”.

He stopped, I hadn’t expected him to actually stop, I hadn’t even known why I had spoken in the first place. Perhaps it was because I just needed so desperately needed him to acknowledge my presence, I just needed him to accept that I existed, that I was a person.

“Why do you hate me?”. I said quietly, my voice trembled ever so slightly.

His gaze flickered to mine and the indifference in them had my heart clenching once more.

“It’s late, Alexa, go to bed”. He said to me.

I shook my head. I just wanted him to…talk to be.

“Tell me”. I said.

He let out a seemingly exasperated breath before coming to stand right in front of me.

“Go. To. Bed”. He said emphasizing on every word.

I felt my throat constrict painfully and tears begun stinging my eyes.

“You make it so hard for me, you make it so obvious that I repel you, disgust you even”. I cried quietly.

He said nothing for a while, just stared at me with those cold and indifferent eyes.

“What do you want from me, Alexa?”. He asked to my surprised.

I didn’t even think he knew my name. I sniffled quietly.

“I…I…I just want you to…”. I found myself stuttering.

What exactly did I want from him? why was I so adamant on him just acknowledging me.

“I…I’m your wife”. I said quietly. “I want you to treat me as your wife….please”.

He stared at me a moment longer before nodding subtly, and before I could comprehend what was happening, he reached out, grabbed my arm and dragged me closer to himself, and the next thing I knew his lips were on mine, molding and massaging till my lips parted all on their own. it happened all too quickly and I couldn’t for the life of me bring myself to object, every part of me wanted him, screamed for him to put his hands on them even, there was no denying the attraction I felt towards him, there was no denying that from time to time I would fall asleep and dream of him, and I’d wake up craving his touch.

Our lips broke apart and he looked down at me with those intense eyes, they seemed to be darkening with every passing second.

“Is this what you want?”. He asked me.

And all I could do was stare up at him as I tried to catch my breath. The feel of his hands on me; his touch, it sort to send me to insanity.

“Talk to me, Alexa, you seemed to have a lot to say just now”. He said, his heated breaths fanned my cheeks with every word he said. “Do you want me to stop?”.

Stop? Just the thought of him stopping almost made my body scream in anguish.

A shuddering breath left me as I shook my head. Where was my dignity? Where was my shame? Why wasn’t I thinking straight?

His lips met mine again and my body melted against him immediately, had he not been holding me up I would have surely fallen to my knees. The sensations his touched sent through my body was so intense that I just wanted to lose my mind already. We broke apart once more and he stared down at me for a long and torturous moment before saying:

“Come, let’s go to bed, it’s late”.

*end*