TWO

Sandalwood….

It smelt of sandalwood in his arms, and as soothing as it was, the nausea I felt was way too much to be subdued, I clamped my palm against my mouth as I let myself crumble completely. He said nothing as he gently guided me to the floor; the cold and hard floor.

“Calm yourself”. He said to me.

His voice, it still sounded as deep and distant as ever, as bewitching but cold as it always did, now I felt not just my stomach but my heart clench as well, and now I couldn’t keep my tears from falling as he guided my head to lean against his chest. My shoulders shook as the sobs choked me over and over again.

“She can’t be gone”. I cried quietly.

“She’s gone, I’m sorry”. He said.

I shook my head. It was easy for him to just accept that she was gone; it was easy for him to just say it as though it were nothing. I pried my face from his chest so I could look up at him, so I could look up to see those chilling grey eyes staring down at me.

“How easy it is for you to say”. I cried.

He averted his gaze from mine.

“Let’s get you back to bed”. He said to me.

I shook my head.

“Nine months, it’s been nine months”. I cried. “And you weren’t there, because you don’t care”.

I could hardly breathe now, and I felt the ache in my stomach intensify, not just that, I felt warmth begin to wet my thighs as it left the sore area between my legs. I was bleeding excessively… That didn’t stop me from carrying on nonetheless.

“I always knew you didn’t care about me, but for you to speak so casually about my child, your child!”. I cried. “She was your daughter!”.

I could hardly keep my eyes open now, I didn’t even want to leave anymore so I didn’t care.

“Oh my God, there’s blood”. I heard April say right before Micheal begun bellowing at the nurses.

I felt his body stiffen and his gaze flickered back to mine at once.

“That’s enough for now, please calm yourself”. He said to me. His arms tightened around me, protectively? Concernedly?

My eyelids became so heavy that they began drooping on their own.

“Don’t close your eyes”. He said but I couldn’t help it, even if I could help it I wouldn’t listen to him. “Alexa”.

I let my head fall against his chest again and I felt his hand rub my back soothingly.

“We need to get her up sir, now”. I heard distant voices; it felt like I was in the glass room once more.

I felt the ache in my stomach spread to my chest and I found myself coughing quietly in hopes that the pain would lessen.

“It’s alright”.

I groaned as I felt my body being lifted from the ground.

“Heavens”.

“Breathe April”.

And then I was out once again.

~~

“She’s waking up, sir”.

“Alexa?”.

My eyes fluttered open slowly, and the recollection of what had happened before I passed out came rushing back at once, they didn’t even spare me a minute of oblivion. Too drained to move or even attempt to move, I lay there staring up ahead at the glowing light bulb in the white ceiling. And it didn’t take long for my tears to start flowing again.

“Ma’am, you’re awake”. I heard Mildred, the housekeeper’s warm voice say from my bedside.

“Mildred…”. I said quietly, almost croaked. My throat was immensely sore and my voice was hoarse.

She took my hand in her warm ones.

“Yes Ma’am”. She said.

“Is she really gone?”. I asked her.

And she squeezed my hand tenderly.

“I am so sorry, Ma’am, the sweet child’s gone”. She said to me.

I blinked and more tears left my eyes. It hurt so much, so very much, it was almost too much to bear.

“How long has it been?”. I asked her.

I had definitely lost track of time now.

“You were unconscious for two weeks, Ma’am”. She answered quietly.

And I felt my heart constrict painfully.

“Where’s my baby?”. I was crying again.

She squeezed my hand once more.

“She’s been buried, ma’am, the funeral was yesterday”. She answered quietly. “I’m sorry”.

I shifted my gaze to her face and I found tears streaking down her cheeks, she seemed just as hurt as I was. She tried to pull on a smile but it was truly useless, she just made me feel pitiful.

So my baby was truly gone.

“You almost….”. She said quietly.

I know. I was even surprised as to how I was still alive.

“Help me up”. I said quietly.

She shook her head alarmed.

“No, please, lay still ma’am”. She said to me.

“Just help me up….”. I said.

I needed to breathe, I felt suffocated like this, I felt trapped, I felt….defeated.

“Ma’am….”

“It’s alright, Mildred”. His deep voice cut in, and I felt my heart constrict so very painfully. “Leave us”.

She offered me a sad smile before releasing my hand and walking away. I heard the sounds of approaching footsteps and I felt even more suffocated.

“Stop”. I choked out. “Don’t come closer”.

The footsteps stilled at once but the erratic beating of my heart didn’t.

“You’ve just woken up, calm down”. He said to me.

“I can’t breathe around you. Leave”. I said to him. I never thought I would ever have it in me to actually say those words to him. Yes I was still very intimidated by his presence but I just didn’t care anymore.

He said nothing for a while, and for a moment I thought he would leave, but then the footsteps continued and he was standing beside the bed.

I felt my breath hitched, I truly found it hard to breathe around him. I didn’t look at him, I didn’t want to see him, I could stand seeing him. However, my eyes widened alarmingly when I felt his hands on my arms, and before I could react, he gently eased me up so my back was leaning against the headboard.