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Feelings

Penulis: Sinner
last update Tanggal publikasi: 2026-03-21 23:10:30

Nikolai

It was a sight, seeing him without his glasses.

His preppy, pretty-boy features were perfectly outlined. I could see every line, every curve, every stupid little imperfection that made him him.

I could feel it, my fingers itching to trace them. Down his face, down to his collarbone, before closing around his throat. Not gently. Not kindly. Just enough to knock the oxygen from his lungs.

His chest rose and fell. Slow. Calm. Like he had no idea who was in his apartment. Like he hadn’t rui
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  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Off the ice

    NikolaiI didn’t stop walking.My boots clicked rhythmically against the pristine tile of the hallway. Left, right, left, right. A steady, unbothered pace.He wanted to play games with my life? He could play games with the sharks on campus now. I didn’t give a fuck.I turned the corner, my face a cold, expressionless mask, when Clinton stepped out from the shadows of the stairwell.He didn’t look at the lecture hall I’d just left.He just fell into step beside me, his voice low and serious.“Niko. We got her.”I stopped. My gaze snapped to him.“Reina?”Clinton nodded, his expression dark.“Jeremy’s guys picked her up trying to catch a bus out of the state. He wants us to meet at the spot to deal with her.”A slow, venomous satisfaction curled in my chest. Reina. The mastermind behind the leak. The one who thought she could use Nathaniel to tear me down.“Tell Jeremy I’ll be there tonight,” I muttered, cracking my knuckles. “Right now, I need to clear my fucking head.”“Where are you

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Dumb fuck

    NathanielA week laterBreathing hard.With my heart literally pounding against the walls of my throat.I blinked continuously, hoping the sick, twisted nervousness in my stomach would just die down.It didn’t.Slowly I lifted my hand, placing a soft knock on the door.And almost immediately a reply came through.Another harsh swallow, I pushed the door open, stepping in.Professor Leo lifted his gaze at me, momentarily, and for a second there…. I couldn’t read his expression.Was he disappointed?Ashamed on my behalf?Probably disgusted.Disgusted by the fact that one of his best students turned out to be a motherfucking bastard.His gaze angled back to his laptop, as he murmured.“Take a seat, Mr. Lockwood.”Again, I forced the hardness down my throat.About five minutes passed, and finally he slowly closed his laptop, removed his glasses, and then leaned completely against the chair.“Your attendance is a total disaster, Nathaniel.”Professor Leo’s voice was flat. Cold.“Two weeks

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   End of a toxic beginning

    NathanielI felt him trembling hard… with him still very much inside me.Our eyes locked completely on each other.“I fucking hate you,” he spat before abruptly pulling out.Another sharp, brutal groan erupted from my throat.The sudden empty space he left behind burned.It was a cold, searing ache that ripped through my hollowed-out insides.I collapsed forward, my forehead hitting the floorboards with a dull thud. My limbs were like lead, heavy and useless, and my breath hitched in jagged, agonizing intervals.“Niko…” I gasped, the name catching on a sob I couldn’t suppress.I heard him stumble.The sound of his heavy, uneven breathing filled the room, jagged and loud.I managed to push myself up slightly, every muscle in my body screaming.I still felt every inch of him inside me.It was fresh, and throbbing badly too.I thought he was just going to leave—He was pacing around, running his fingers through his hair.“Nikolai….” His name rolled off my tongue.He stopped pacing.His b

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Euphoric Pain

    NikolaiEvery thrust felt like a confession.A confession of how badly he had broken me.“I hate you.”“I fucking hate you.” I squeezed our hands together, crushing my weight into his back as I moved through him.He felt so good.So good that I hated to admit it.To admit that he still had some fucking control over me.Increasing my pace as I swelled around him, his muffled voice acted like a damn amplifier.“Hmmm…” he groaned, trembling beneath me.I was burning, drowning in the scent of him, the taste of his betrayal heavy in my mouth. I wanted to destroy him. I wanted to tear him apart until he felt the exact same hollow, bleeding vacuum he had left in my chest.But as I drove deep inside him, hearing his muffled, agonizing screams against the floorboards, the anger didn’t satisfy me.It only made the wound wider.His fingers were locked in mine, trembling, fighting for purchase against the wood. He wasn’t pushing me away anymore. He was holding onto me, like I was his only anchor

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Absolute Madness

    NathanielMy vision blurred more with tears.His grip on my neck tightened, his face fucking close to mine.The anger…The hurt…Everything reflected in his eyes was so fucking much, so damn cold.“Can’t fucking speak, huh? Fucking tell me you love me.”I shook my head…“Tell me you fucking love me! Fucking say it! Tell me!!!!”My lack of response only amplified his anger.“Say you love me….”“Stop……” I choked.At that moment, he seemed to have lost every shred of rationality.He slammed his lips against mine, aggressively snatching my breath away while his fingers dug into my skin.There was nothing romantic about the kiss.It reeked of pain.A reflection of how broken we are.A reminder of what could have become of us.But I ruined it.I writhed desperately as he bruised my lips with his while forcing his body onto mine.I couldn’t breathe…I gasped harshly as tears burned and kept clogging my throat.“I…. I….” Weakly, I tried pushing him away.He grabbed my face. “I fucking hate yo

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Harder

    NathanielI’m freezing cold.I curled my body against the floor…Tired, drained, confused, and having a mental breakdown wasn’t helping either.I didn’t know how many days had passed…. Two? Three? Four? A week?Probably more than two days, because I could already feel my body going into survival mode, breaking down whatever it needed to keep me alive.My mind was a chaotic, fractured blur.Spinning in circles.Until I couldn’t tell what was real anymore.Why did I do it?Why did I think I could play with fire and not get burned?I questioned every single decision that brought me to this cold floor. The contract. Reina. The money. Everything.The horror of Nikolai’s words about my brother clawed at my chest. But through the suffocating guilt, a devastating truth finally broke through.“I love you…” I croaked into the empty darkness.The words tore from my throat like broken glass.I didn’t say them out loud to win him back. I said them because they were killing me. I loved him. I loved

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Well….fuck

    NathanielHis lips against mine felt unrecognizably soft.Slowly, our lips melted, our breathing collapsing together.I knew in every damn universe that this was wrong.Kissing a guy.And finding it extremely pleasurable.I felt Nikolai’s hand weave through my hair, the other settling firmly around

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Awkward Things

    NikolaiStreet lights blurred with golden rays.And yet the only person who occupied my thoughts was Nathaniel.Fucking Nathaniel Lockwood.And though it’s absolutely stupid of me, leaving the party and taking the Pakhan’s daughter’s words.But then again what’s the worst Grey would do?Beat me to

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Miss me?

    NathanielI struggled with the two heavy bags containing groceries, while I tried texting.And I know that I probably look stupid, texting him and appearing like someone who I wasn’t, but it wasn’t like he gave me any choice either.He didn’t show up for the tutorial session and if this should cont

  • Sixty Shades Of Ice   Lovers of Gay community

    NikolaiI tugged at the tie for what felt like the sixth time.Hardness clamped my jaw, with the suffocating feeling eating up my lungs.My father sat beside me in the car, his eyes trained on his phone.It’s so damn choking.“I want you on your best behavior. Fuck things up and let your emotions c

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