Divorce And Chaos

ROXANNE

"When you get inside, please, don't cause any trouble, Roxy, please." Mom held my hand, her tired, worried eyes pleading.

I swiped at tears, not saying a word.

"Roxy?" She called, her voice carrying desperate pleas.

Mom wasn't one for trouble. And I wasn't as well.

But something had snapped inside of me this morning when I'd woken up on the hospital bed and had the news of my sudden miscarriage delivered to me.

It wasn't miscarriage. It was an abortion.

They had forcefully gotten rid of my baby.

I could take the blame for falling in love with Josh knowing fully well what that contract had stated.

I could even accept the fact that it was my fault for letting it come this far.

But what I wouldn't accept was how cruelly they had ended the life growing inside me before it even had a chance to properly grow.

Anger and pain sat heavy in my chest.

I pulled my hand away from my mom's, "let's go in." I said quietly, but there was no doubting the anger undercurrent.

She heaved a resigned sigh and followed me in.

I heard laughter, and betrayal squeezed tighter.

There he was, dressed casually in a grey shirt and black slacks, sipping whiskey while his mother, as immaculately dressed as always, sat beside him, drinking wine.

He hadn't even bothered to come see me at the hospital.

I let the pain of that particular thought sit still.

"How could you?" I approached him, my voice not steady as I wanted it to be.

He and his mother paused.

Patricia's faces scrunched in that familiar spiteful sneer she always harbored for me when I was present, "are you crazy?"

"Mom, please..." He stopped his mother, and stood to look at me.

His brown eyes, calm and cool, studied me for what seemed like a long time, then he sighed, "I'm sorry it came to this, Roxanne, but you know what you were getting into. You were just a stand-in, nothing else."

Again, my heart crumbled at those words.

The tears spilled, anger took backseat for sorrow to showcase, "just a stand-in?"

He shifted uncomfortably on his feet, his eyes flickering between the ground and my face. I didn't need to say much, he already understood what I meant.

I sniffled, "was that why you killed my child?"

He opened his mouth, but his mom beat him to it, she stood beside him, "don't be stupid, Roxanne. You want to know why I chose you for this job?" She paused, letting the question hang in the air.

Tension thickened around us.

"Because you are a nobody. The daughter of a common housekeeper," she spat.

From the corner of my eye, I saw mom flinch slightly at the subtle but effective insult.

"You wouldn't be hard to control. To push around and to discard when the time came. Your job was to be my son's plus one to his events in order to elevate his status and earn respect from the society," her gaze hardened, "but I guess five years tasting wealth has now made you feel like some important personality. No, you are not. You are nothing!"

Her voice, sharp and mean, cut through the room and slapped my dignity hard.

I blinked, humiliated.

"My late husband and Vanessa's late father, former CEO and owner of Gilmore Empire arranged for this marriage between them when they were teenagers. She saved my son's life and bore him a child. You expect my son to pass up such a wonderful woman and partner for... you?" Her eyes mocked, scoffing, "you who have nothing. Come from nothing. No degree. No prestigious family background. Not even the elegance of the wealthy." She tsked, her tone dripping with intentional hostility.

"Let's just end this talk, mom," Josh finally stepped in, he collected documents I had barely noticed sitting on a low stool and handed them to me, with a pen he produced from his pocket.

"Let's put an end to this. The contract has just a month left, but there's no need. Vanessa is back now and she'll soon be here."

For a moment, I could only hear blood rushing into my head and whooshing about my ears. Pain reached out a fist and punched hard, I had to heave and draw in a deep breath.

I lowered my eyes to look at the papers, then back at him.

Five years I've loved him. I let myself be used. Be manipulated.

"You are no longer my wife, but you'll remain as Ethan's nanny." He added.

A sharp, bitter laugh erupted from me, surprising everyone, including my mother.

I accepted the papers and signed, biting back my lips against tears. When I was done, I flung the papers and pen at him, "fuck you."

I hurried upstairs to gather my stuff. I intentionally left the dresses and shoes they bought for me over the years. I didn't want anything of theirs or that had their tags on it.

I carried the small duffel bag downstairs.

Mom was nowhere in sight — probably have been instructed to go back to work.

I heard an additional voice. Vanessa's.

The one Josh was marrying, not just for love. But for the connection and status. For his selfish ambition.

I lost, I told myself, forcing tears away.

But I'd walk away with my head held high, no matter how much it cost me.

"Where are you going?" Josh was the first to jump from his seat.

Vanessa slowly stood as well. Regal and elegant in her denim jeans and silk halter top. She was everything I was not — and would never be.

"I'm leaving." I replied curtly, still moving.

He blocked my path, "you can not leave. Ethan is..."

"...Is no longer my business," I threw back at him fiercely. "As you said, his mother is back. So my work here is done."

"But he knows you. You're..."

"Mommy?" Ethan walked in, his small, chubby innocent face contorted in confusion, especially when he saw my bag.

"Come here, baby." Vanessa tries to go to him.

But he ran away from her, evading her touch and coming to hide behind my leg, "mommy, are you leaving?"

When he looked up at me with such sad eyes, lips in a pout, I couldn't help myself. A tear escaped, but I quickly ducked my head, stooping to his level and covertly wiped the tear.

Then I spread my lips in a false smile, "hey, baby. Your mommy is here now and she'll take very good care of you."

Small lips trembled, mass of curly black hair waved about as he gave a strong, protesting shake of his head, holding on to me tighter, "no, mommy. Please, don't go, mommy. Please. I'll tell daddy to take care of you, please."

When he said that, I looked up at Josh who cleared his throat, unable to meet my eyes.

I stared back at the baby I'd loved and nurtured when he was just four months old with his mother overseas. "I love you, baby. But I have to go. Go meet your mommy, okay? She's your mommy," I pointed in Vanessa's direction.

"No! I don't want her. I don't know her! Mommy, please, don't go!" His wails broke my heart but I have to leave. For my sake.

There was nothing left here for me anymore.

"Why don't you stop being difficult?" Josh chided angrily, "you still have a month left. I only divorced you, not take away your role as his nanny. He's still getting to know Vanessa, and until then, you have to stay. You're bound by the contract to."

"You're just being ungrateful! You're breaching the contract." Patricia added testily.

"You breached the contract first!" I snapped, "everything you promised to do for me, the same reason accepted the contract, you didn't do it. You and your son manipulated me to stay here for five years without fulfilling your own part of the bargain! Five years of my life, no education. No salary. No dreams achieved! Just clothes for occasions, a heavy dose of daily disrespect and a steady reminder of my poor background!" I yelled, fighting back tears, "so tell me, who's the ungrateful one? Who breached that stupid contract?!"

She raised a hand and brought it down on my face, "how dare you?!"

Ethan's cries increased as Vanessa managed to get him off of me.

I cradled that part of my face for a few seconds, and without a word, carried my bag again to continue my way out of the house.

"Mommy!"

I shut my eyes closed, wishing I couldn't hear him crying for me.

"Mommy, don't go!" He cried pitifully.

I kept walking, keeping my face ahead, swallowing emotions. I didn't trust myself if I turned back.

"Leave me alone!" He screamed amidst screeching wails, "I want my mommy!"

Then I heard the struggle...then, a thud.

Instantly alarmed, I turned to see Ethan lying on the floor, weakly sobbing and holding his head, "m-m...m-mommy, I-I'm hurt..."

Dropping my bag, I ran to him, glaring at Vanessa, "how careless can you be handling your own son?!" I yelled in her face.

"I didn't..."

But I was already running out of the house with Ethan pressed tightly to my bosom, hiccuping through tears, a side of his head bleeding and getting swollen.

Apprehension and guilt almost knocked me over.

I made a beeline for the gate, hailing the first cab I saw, "LifeCare Hospital, please."