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Some Things Can't Be Taken Back, Alpha
Some Things Can't Be Taken Back, Alpha
Author: Helen

Chapter 1

Author: Helen
Ryan shoved Claire away and rushed over to me.

"Erin, let me explain."

His breathing was still ragged. Claire's lipstick stained the corner of his mouth. Worse, another she-wolf's scent clung to him so strongly that it stung my nose.

A werewolf's nose never lies.

But he acted like words could erase everything. "She just kissed me out of nowhere. I didn't react in time. I never meant to betray you. You're the one I've always loved."

I looked at the hand that had just gripped Claire's waist and said nothing.

Ryan panicked even more. He reached for me, then froze when I stepped back.

"I've never considered breaking the mate bond or walking away from you and Nora."

Finally, I spoke. "Then why do you regret mating with me?"

Something shifted in his eyes.

He took a long time to answer. "I just miss being free sometimes. Back then, I wasn't Alpha, and I didn't have a family. I could go wherever I wanted without answering to anyone.

"Missing it doesn't mean I don't love you. Other mated wolves in the pack miss being single sometimes, too."

Claire came out of the stairwell, her eyes red. "I'm sorry, Erin. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have asked him that, and I definitely shouldn't have..."

Ryan turned to look at her almost on instinct.

Not to check whether I was falling apart. To check whether she was really crying.

That cut deeper than the kiss itself.

I swallowed past the ache in my throat and asked him, "Starting tonight, what are you going to do about your relationship with Claire?"

Ryan frowned. "She's Northridge's Beta. She handles a lot of pack business. We've known each other for over ten years. I can't kick her out of the pack over one slip."

Claire lowered her head and started to leave.

Ryan blurted out, "It's so late. Is it safe for you to go back to the east side alone?"

My heart went cold.

"Go ahead. Take her home."

His expression shifted as if he'd finally realized he'd said the wrong thing again. In the end, he sent the patrol to take Claire home and followed me into the elevator.

On the drive home, he didn't try to explain. He just quietly turned up the heat and laid his jacket over my legs.

He knew I got cold easily. He knew strong, unfamiliar scents gave me headaches. He even remembered that my emotions ran higher around the full moon.

He knew every one of my habits.

But he had no idea why tonight was the night I gave up on him.

When we opened the front door, three-year-old Nora was asleep with her head on the dining table.

She was too young for her first full shift, but when she got sleepy, her ears would pop out on their own. Now, two fuzzy little ears poked through her hair, and one small hand still clutched a lopsided moon cookie.

When she heard us come in, she rubbed her eyes and threw herself at Ryan.

"Daddy, why are you so late? The cookies I made you got cold."

Ryan's eyes went red.

He held his daughter tight and kissed her forehead over and over. "I'm sorry, Nora. Daddy's late. It won't happen again."

I looked at this gentle, practically perfect father and thought about the man who'd been holding another woman ten minutes earlier.

Were they really the same person?

Suddenly I asked, "If I'd been the one kissing another man in a stairwell tonight, would you call that just a slip too?"

Ryan's face darkened instantly.

His Alpha instincts flared, turning his pupils wolf-gold for a moment.

"Erin, don't try to provoke me with something like that."

I asked softly, "So you couldn't take it either, could you?"

He said nothing.

After a moment, seemingly certain I'd never really leave, he lowered his voice. "It was one mistake. Are you really going to walk away from this family? What about Nora? All you have in this world is me and Northridge. Where would you even go?"

I closed my eyes.

"System, confirm return."

[Return request confirmed.]

[Once started, this cannot be undone.]

[You will give up all assets, identity, and benefits in the mission world. The ten-billion-dollar reward you forfeited three years ago will not be restored.]

[Countdown to return: 72 hours.]
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  • Some Things Can't Be Taken Back, Alpha   Chapter 12

    A year later, I was promoted to head of my department.Nora had grown quite a bit taller and finally learned to control her wolf ears and little fangs. They no longer popped out every time she got sleepy.Ryan still came every Sunday afternoon.He'd gotten much thinner. You'd never guess he'd once been the Alpha of Northridge, always surrounded by people.One time, he brought a woman with him."Erin, this is a coworker of mine."I looked at him, then at the woman, who was clearly a little confused."So?"Ryan swallowed. "I just wanted you to know I can start over too."I got it right away."Then start over."What does that have to do with me?"He didn't say anything.But his hope was painfully obvious.I laughed. "You brought her here to see if I'd get jealous?"The woman's expression changed."Ryan, didn't you say your ex still had feelings for you, and that's why she wouldn't let you go?"Ryan turned red.I looked at her calmly. "He lied to you."I am his ex."I'm also the ex who saw

  • Some Things Can't Be Taken Back, Alpha   Chapter 11

    Three months later, I'd found my footing again at my old company.Nora had settled into her new preschool too.Ryan still showed up every Sunday afternoon.In this world, he had no pack privileges. The System had given him no special status, and he had to start from scratch.To help cover Nora's living expenses, he'd started at the bottom as a trainee at a security company.One day, he handed me an envelope."This is what I've saved over the past three months."It's not much."I know you don't need it, but I want to give it to Nora."I opened it, glanced inside, and handed it back."Nora doesn't need this money."Ryan's voice tightened. "This is my responsibility.""Taking responsibility isn't the same as making things right."I looked at him. "You used to be the Alpha of Northridge. You had all the money and resources you could want. When Nora really needed you, was money ever what she was missing?"She needed you to be there after you promised to make a paper lantern with her, but yo

  • Some Things Can't Be Taken Back, Alpha   Chapter 10

    Every Sunday after that, Ryan showed up early.He'd learned to cook.Sometimes he brought a small pot of soup. Other times, he brought snacks Nora could eat.One day, he handed me a thermos. "This used to be your favorite soup. I've made it more than 20 times. This batch should taste almost like yours."I took it and set it down next to the bench."Nora, go play."Ryan looked at the thermos. "Aren't you going to taste it?""Why would I?""You used to like it."I looked up. "Like you said. Used to."He stood there for a long time before suddenly asking, "Erin, do you have a new mate?"I actually laughed."Ryan, do you still think I need another man to be okay now that I've left you?"Now I don't have to get up in the middle of the night to find your silver-wound medicine. I don't have to keep track of when your old injury flares up. I don't have to wait for your territory meetings to end, or soothe Nora to sleep while you're off tending to someone else's feelings."Even breathing is eas

  • Some Things Can't Be Taken Back, Alpha   Chapter 9

    That first Sunday afternoon, Ryan showed up an hour early.He was carrying two big bags.When I brought Nora downstairs, he jumped up. "Nora, Daddy got you a stuffed animal and one of those puzzles you used to like."Nora took the bags, looked inside, and set them back on the bench."I don't want them."Ryan's hand froze in midair. "Then what do you want? Tell Daddy."Nora thought about it."I used to want you to take me to the zoo."But every weekend you said the pack needed you."Ryan said immediately, "Let's go now. Daddy will take you right now.""But I don't want to go anymore."Then Nora ran off to play on the slide by herself.Ryan stood there like he suddenly didn't know what to do.I sat on the bench looking at my phone.He came over, but he didn't dare sit next to me."Erin, thank you for still letting me see her.""Don't thank me. The System's rule allows you to see her. That doesn't mean I'm taking you back."He was quiet for a while. Then he took a piece of candy out of hi

  • Some Things Can't Be Taken Back, Alpha   Chapter 8

    I blocked the doorway."What makes you think she'd want to see you?"Ryan pulled a dried-out moon cookie from his pocket.It was the one Nora had made for him on the night of the autumn full moon."I brought this."She told me to eat it that night, but I could never bring myself to finish it."I stared at the cookie's crumbling edges. "So what? You followed us all the way here with a cookie, and that's supposed to prove you're a good husband and father?""No."Ryan shook his head right away."I'm not here to ask you to forgive me."His voice grew hoarse. "I just want to tell Nora that I did eat some of the cookie she made, and I didn't think it was yucky."I was about to close the door when Nora came running up behind me."Mommy, who is it?"She stood barefoot on the rug, hugging her unfinished paper lantern.The moment she saw Ryan, she froze.Wolf pups remember their fathers' scents better than human children do.But she didn't run to him.She took a step back instead.That single st

  • Some Things Can't Be Taken Back, Alpha   Chapter 7

    Later, Claire went to see Ryan again.She finally admitted she'd wanted me gone from the moment she kissed Ryan."You said yourself you regretted settling down so early. I thought once she was gone, you'd come back to me."Ryan looked at her for a long time."It was never you I missed."Claire went pale.Ryan went on. "What I missed was being the man who never had to face the consequences. My family gave me stability. You gave me an excuse to avoid responsibility."I was the greedy one. Erin wasn't asking too much of me."Claire's eyes were red. "But I'm the one who kissed you first."Ryan shook his head."And I'm the one who kissed you back."I'm the one who held you. I'm the one who kept giving you hope."He stripped Claire of all the privileges that came with being his personal Beta and made her move out of the core territory. The Elder Council took over all her official duties.Then, at a Northridge pack meeting, he publicly stepped down as Alpha.He didn't argue or pressure anyone

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