Chapter 7 — A Flame That Could Not Be Extinguished

The car smelled of her.

Despite having opened all the windows on the drive home, the aroma of jasmine and that bitter, earthy essence of Lara still permeated the fabric of the seats, my clothes, my skin.

I rubbed my face hard, as if I could erase her touch, but only managed to spread the stain of my sin.

I parked in the garage and sat for long minutes, staring at the kitchen door as if it were the entrance to hell itself. Inside was Sarah—my Sarah—who was probably finishing dinner preparations, perhaps humming some absurd song while she stirred a pot.

She deserves someone better, I thought, someone who wouldn’t betray her with a college girl in a dark library. Someone who hadn’t taken a young woman’s virginity with the brutality of an animal.

But when I closed my eyes, all I could see were Lara’s eyes fixed on mine as I possessed her. That mixture of pain and ecstasy, the way she bled for me, only for me.

A shiver ran down my spine, followed by a wave of desire so intense it made me rest my forehead on the steering wheel.

“Damn it!” I whispered to the empty car.

The kitchen door opened.

“Dorian?” Sarah’s voice cut through the silence. “Are you going to sit out there all day?”

I lifted my head and saw her standing in the doorway, bathed in the golden light of the kitchen. She was wearing one of my old sweaters, the sleeves covering her hands, and a smudge of tomato sauce painted her apron. It was such a pure, domestic vision that guilt pierced me like a knife.

“Sorry,” I said, getting out of the car. “Just… thinking.”

She studied my face as I approached, her smile withering.

“You look exhausted. Was it a difficult day?”

You have no idea, I thought, but I kissed her forehead.

“Just the usual.”

Inside the house, the smell of lasagna filled my nostrils. Sarah had set the table, candles lit in the center, two glasses of wine waiting. It was our Thursday tradition.

“I need to take a shower,” I announced, backing toward the stairs.

“But the food is ready!” she protested.

“Just a minute,” I promised, already climbing the steps.

In the bathroom, I closed the door with a soft click and turned the shower to maximum, letting the steam fill the space. I undressed in abrupt movements, throwing my clothes in the basket as if they were contaminated.

When I stepped under the scalding water, it couldn’t wash away the sensation of Lara. I scrubbed my skin hard, until it turned red, but I could still feel the echo of her body colliding against mine—so young, so tight, so virgin.

I was the first.

The thought hammered in my mind.

I entered where no man had been, I marked her forever.

The sick possessiveness that surged through me was so intense that I had to brace myself against the wall.

“Stop!” I shouted low, banging my forehead against the cold tile. “Please, stop.”

But the memories didn’t stop, betraying me as completely as I had betrayed Sarah. And worse? My body responded to them, my cock hardening against my will as I remembered the sound she made when I tore through her, the way her nails dug into my back.

I slid down the tile until I was sitting on the shower floor, hot water cascading over me as I buried my face in my knees. Hot tears mixed with the shower water, but even that couldn’t purify me.

“Dorian?” Sarah’s voice came from the door, concerned. “Are you alright in there?”

“I’m fine!” I answered, my voice broken. “I’ll be down soon.”

I dressed mechanically, avoiding my own reflection in the fogged mirror. The man looking back at me was a stranger. Dark eyes, tense mouth, sin written in every line of his face.

Sarah waited for me at the table, her plate untouched.

“You’ve been so distant lately,” she said softly as I sat down. “Is it something I did?”

The knife of guilt twisted in my chest.

“No,” I answered too quickly. “No, it’s just… work.”

She leaned forward, her blue eyes full of love and concern.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, don’t you? No matter what it is.”

That’s when I realized. She trusted me completely. She believed I was the good man, the loyal one, the man she had married. The irony was so bitter I almost laughed.

“I know,” I lied, stabbing a piece of lasagna that had no taste at all into my mouth. “It’s just… exhaustion.”

During dinner, I tried to focus on her, on her stories about the garden, on her plans for the weekend… On everything that was pure and good in my life.

But my mind kept insisting on returning to the library, to the sound of Lara’s ragged breathing, to the way her body fit perfectly against mine, as if it had been made for me.

“…Don’t you think?” Sarah asked, pulling me back to the present.

“Sorry, what?”

She sighed, placing her fork on her plate.

“Never mind.”

The silence that followed was more painful than any accusation. She knew something was wrong, but her gentle mind would never jump to the truth—that her husband was a monster who had taken the innocence of a college girl.

When we lay down later, she nestled against me as she always did, her head on my chest.

“I love you,” she whispered, already half-asleep.

My arms closed around her desperately.

“I love you too.”

And it was true. I loved Sarah, I loved our life, I loved the man I was with her. But I also desired Lara with an intensity that frightened me, a sick hunger fed by the knowledge that I had been first.

In the darkness, while Sarah slept peacefully against me, I closed my eyes and let the memories return. The sound of books falling, the salty taste of her tears mixed with her mouth, the way she looked at me as if I were both a god and a demon at once.

And I knew, with a certainty that filled me with horror, that I would seek her out again. Perhaps not tomorrow, or next week, but sooner or later, I would return to that library, to those shadows, to that young woman who was mine.

Guilt was a weight I would carry forever. But desire… desire was a flame that could not be extinguished.

And that night, in the dark, with my wife in my arms and the taste of another woman on my lips, I let the flame burn.